Previously, I've written the titles, authors and descriptions of various books on little index cards, for my own evil purposes of keeping track... evilly! (Not surprisingly, this began during the Time Of No Computer, or TONC, as it is known among my tortured creations.)
I have so many cards that, before I add any more to my collection, I've decided to write them all down in my computer so that I can just consult the list to make sure I don't already have the card, rather than go through the trouble of flipping through this huge stack!
This is but one of the many massive undertakings I have been doing in order to further my evil science writing purposes, but why am I telling you about this one? Because -- you can see the results!
Abducted (How People Come to Believe...) -* Susan Clancy
Absinthe & Flamethrowers -- William Gurstelle
(The) Age of Wonder -- Richard Holmes
Aladdin's Lamp -- John Freely
Almost Everyone's Guide to Science *- John Gribbin
Amber -- Andrew Ross
Among the Great Apes -- Paul Raffaele
Antimatter -- Frank Close
Archimedes to Hawking -- Clifford Pickover
Are Universes Thicker Than Blackberries? *- Martin Gardner
Autonomous Robots -- George A Bekey
Before the Big Bang -- Brian Clegg
Beneath the Metropolis -- Alex Marshall
Beyond Human -- Benford & Malartre
Beyond UFOS -- Jeffrey Bennett
Big Fish -- Richard Ellis
(The) Bigger Bang *- James E Lidsey
Big Ideas -- Ira Flatow (narrator)
(The) Bizarre and Incredible World of Plants -- Stuppy, Kesseler & Harley
(The) Black Hole War -- Leonard Susskind
(The) Book of Nothing *-John D Barrow
(The) Book of Vice -- Peter Sagal
(The) Borderlands of Science *- Michael Shermer
Born Digital -- Palfrey & Gasser
(The) Botany of Desire -- Michael Pollan
Boxen -- C S Lewis
(The) Brain That Changes Itself -- Norman Doridge
Brains That Work a little bit differently *- Bragdon & Gamon
Breaking the Spell -- Daniel C Dennett
But is it Science? -- Pennock & Ruse
Buyology -- Martin Lindstrom
(The) Canon -- Natalie Angier
(The) Carbon Age -- Eric Roston
Catching Fire -- Richard Wrangham
Cat's Paws and Catapults *- Steven Vogel
Cave Canem -- Lorna Robinson
Censoring Science -- Mark Bowen
Charles Darwin's On The Origin of Species -- Illustrated by Fuller & Keller
Chases and Escapes -- Paul J Nahin
Children of Prometheus *- Christopher Wills
Circumference -- Nicholas Nicastro
(The) Coming Convergence -- Stanley Schmidt
(The) Complete Ice Age -- Brian M Fagan
Complexity -- Melanie Mitchell
Condemned Knowledge -- ?not found
Consciousness (an Introduction) *- Susan Blackmore
Consciousness (a user's guide) *- Adam Zeman
Corrupted Science *- John Grant
Cosmic Jackpot -- Paul Davies
(The) Counter-Creationism Handbook -- Mark Isaak
Counterknowledge -- Damian Thompson
Crashing Through -- Robert Kurson
(The) Crime of Reason -- Robert B Laughlin
Cro-Magnon -- Brian Fagan
(The) Crowded Universe -- Alan Boss
Cruisin' the Fossil Freeway -- Johnson & Troll
Cyclopedia Anatomicae -- Gyorgy Feher
Darwinian Detectives -- Norman A Johnson
Darwinian Dynamics *- Richard E Michod
(The) Day We Found The Universe -- Marcia Bartusiak
Death By Black Holes -- Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Death From The Skies! -- Phil Plait
Deep Brain Stimulation -- Jamie Talan
De La Metrie's Ghost -- Chris Nunn
Denialism -* Michael Specter
(The) Department of Mad Scientists -- Michael Belfiore
(The) Devious Book for Cats -- Ginsberg & Sherman
Did Time Begin? Will Time End? -- Paul Frampton
Digital Soul *- Thomas M Georges
Discarded Science *- John Grant
Distory -- Robert Schnakenberg
(The) Dragons of Eden *- Carl Sagan
Drawing the Line * Steven M Wise
Dread -- Philip Alcabes
(The) Drunkard's Walk -* Leonard Mlodinow
(The) Earth Moves -- Dan Hofstadter
Eating the Sun -- Oliver Morton
(The) Edge of Physics -- Anil Ananthaswamy
Ecology *- Eugene P Odum
(The) Ego Tunnel -- Thomas Metzinger
Einstein's Mistakes -- Hans Ohanian
Einstein's Telescope -- Evalyn Gates
Einstein's Universe *- A. Zee
(The) Elephant's Secret Sense -- Caitlin O'Connel
(The) Elegant Universe *- Brian Greene
Embracing the Wide Sky -- Daniel Tammet
(The) Emotion Machine -- Marvin Minsky
(The) Emporer of Scent *- Chandler Burr
Endless Forms Most Beautiful *- Sean Carroll
(The) Ethical Brain -- Michael Gazzaniga
Eureka Man -- Alan Hirshfeld
Ever Since Darwin *- Stephen Jay Gould
Every Living Thing -- Rob Dunn
Evidence of Evolution -- Mary Ellen Hannibal
Evolution *- Carl Zimmer
Evolutionary Medicine -- Trevathan & McKenna
Evolution for Everyone -- David Sloan Wilson
Evolution vs Creationism -- Eugenie Scott
Exercises for the Whole Brain *- Bragdon & Fellows
Exploring Consciousness *- Rita Carter
(The) Faith Instinct -- Nicholas Wade
(The) Faith of Scientists -- Nancy K Frankenberry
Faux Real -- Robert Kanigel
Feeding the Fire -- Mark E Eberhart
(The) Feeling of What Happens *- Antonio Damasio
Finding Our Tongues -- Dean Falk
(The) First Word *- Christine Keneally
Fixing My Gaze -- Susan R Barry
Flat Earth -- Christine Garwood
Forbidden Knowledge -- Roger Shattuck
(The) Formation of the Solar System -- Michael Woolfson
Fossil Legends of the First Americans -* Adrienne Mayor
From Eternity to Here -- Sean Carroll
From Genesis to Genetics *- John A Moore
(The) Fundamental Constants -- Harald Fritzsch
(The) Future of the Brain *- Steven Rose
(The) The Geek's Guide to Word Domination -- Garth Sundem
Genesis -- Robert M Hazen
(The) Genius Engine -- Kathleen Stein
(The) Genius of China -- Robert Temple
Geologica -- Robert R Coenroads
Giant Molecules -- Walter Gratzer
Glut -- Alex Wright
Godel, Escher, Bach *-Douglas R Hofstadter
Good Germs, Bad Germs -- Jessica Snyder Sachs
(The) Great Betrayal *- Horace Freeland Judson
(The) Greatest Science Stories Never Told -- Rick Beyer
(The) Greatest Show on Earth *- Richard Dawkins
(The) Hazards of Space Travel -- Neil F Comins
Head Cases -- Michael Paul Mason
Heaven's Touch -- James B Kaler
Hen's Teeth and Horse's Toes *- Stephen Jay Gould
Heroes, Rogues and Lovers *- Dabbs & Dabbs
(The) Hidden Brain -- Shankar Vedantam
Hidden Evidence (2nd ed.) -- David Owen
(The) History of Astronomy -- Couper & Henbest
Hollywood Science -- Sidney Perkowitz
Hope For Animals And Their World -- Jane Goodall
How Brains Make Up Their Minds *- Walter J Freeman
How Does One Cut a Triangle (2nd ed) -- Alexander Soifer
How It Ends -- Chris Impey
How Language Works *- David Crystal
How Math Can Save Your Life -- James D Stein
How Mathematicians Think -- William Byers
How Mathematics Happened -- Peter S Rudman
How Physics Confronts Reality -- Roger Newton
How the Mind Works *- Steven Pinker
How to Build a Mind *- Igor Aleksander
How to Defeat Your Own Clone -- Kurpinski & Johnson
How to Live on Mars -- Robert Zubrin
How to Solve It -- G Polya
How We Decide -- Jonah Lehrer
How We Live and Why We Die -- Lewis Wolpert
Human -- Michael S Gazzaniga
Human Biology (6th ed.) -- Daniel Chiras
(The) Human Brain Book -- Parker, Aldridge, Carter
(The) Human Career -- Richard G Klein
Human Origins -- De Salle & Tattersall
(The) Hungry Scientist Handbook -- Buckley & Binns
I Am A Strange Loop -- Douglas Hofstadter
Ig Nobel Prizes -- Marc Abrahams
Imagined Worlds *- Freeman Dyson
Impossible? -- Julian Havil
(An) Incomplete Education (revised) -- Jones & Wilson
(The) Infinite Gift -- Charles Yang
In the Beat of a Heart *- John Whitfield
In Search of Deep Time *- Henry Gee
Inside the Animal Mind * George Page
Intelligent Design Creationism and its Critics *- Robert T Pennock
Intelligent Thought *- John Brockman
Inverted Bowl -- George H A Cole
(The) Invisible Kingdom -- Idan Ben-Barak
Irreligion -- John Allen Paulos
It Looked Good on Paper -- Bill Fawcett
It Takes a Genome -- Greg Gibson
(The) Joy of Physics -- Arthur Wiggins
Kaleidoscope Sky -- Tim Herd
(The) Kingdom of Infinite Space -- Raymond Tallis
Kluge -- Gary Marcus
Knowing the Nature of Physical Law -- Michael Munowitz
(The) Language Instinct *- Steven Pinker
(The) Legacy of the Mastodon -- Keith Thomson
Lewis Carroll in Numberland -- Robin Wilson
Liars, Lovers and Heroes *- Quartz & Sejnowski
Liasons of Life *- Tom Wakeford
Lies, Damned Lies and Science -- Sherry Seethaler
Life Ascending -- Nick Lane
(The) Lightness of Being -- Frank Wilczek
(The) Little Book of Pandemics -- Peter Moore
Lives of the Planets -- Richard Corfield
(The) Living Cosmos -- Chris Impey
Logicomix -- Papadimitriou, Papaditos, Donna, Doxiadis
Loneliness -- William Patrick
Long For This World -- Jonathan Weiner
(The) Long Thaw -- David Archer
Lost Christianities -- Bart Ehrman
(The) Lucifer Effect *- Philip Zimbardo
(The) Magnetic Universe -- J B Zirker
(The) Making of the Fittest *- Sean B Carroll
(The) Making of Intelligence *- Ken Richardson
Mannhatta -- Eric W Sanderson
Many Skies *- Arthur Upgren
Mathematics and Common Sense -- Philip J Davis
Mendel in the Kitchen -- Fedroff & Brown
Mental Floss -- Magazine, books and games!
Milestones of Civilization -- Blandford & Davidson
(The) Mind and the Brain *- Schwartz & Begley
Mindless Eating -- Brian Wansink
(The) Mind of the Market -- Michael Shermer
(The) Mind's Past *- Michael Gazzaniga
Mind Wide Open *- Steven Johnson
Mirroring People -- Marco Iacoboni
Misquoting Jesus -- Bart Ehrman
(The) Misunderstood Gene *- Michael Morange
(The) Monty Hall Problem -- Jason Rosenhouse
(The) Moon -- Michael Carlowicz
More Than Genes -- Dan Agin
(The) Mother Tongue *- Bill Bryson
Multiplicity Yours -- Hwa A Lim
(The) Museum of Hoaxes *- Alex Boese
Musicophilia -- Oliver Sacks
My Stroke of Insight -- Jill Bolte Taylor
Mythematics -- Michael Huber
Nanosciences -- Joachim & Plevert
(A) Natural History of Seeing -* Simon Ings
Nature Loves to Hide *- Shimon Malin
(The) Nature of Space and Time -- Hawking & Penrose
(The) Nature of Technology -- W Brian Arthur
Nature's Blueprint *- Dan Hooper
Negative Math -- Alberto A Martinez
(The) Neuro Revolution -- Zack Lynch
(The) Neuroscience of Fair Play -- Donald W Pfaff
Never Shower in a Thunderstorm -- Anahad O'Connor
(The) New Atheism -- Victor Stenger
(The) New Encyclopedia of Unbelief -- Tom Flynn
New Theories of Everything -- John D Barrow
(The) New Time Travelers -- David Toomey
(The) New Worlds -- Casdi & Encrenaz
(The) Nine Numbers of the Cosmos *- Michael Rowan-Robinson
(The) Noble Lie -- Gary Greenberg
No Plot? No Problem! -* Chris Baty
Number Freaking -- Gary Rimmer
(100) One Hundred Most Important Science Ideas -- Henderson, Crilly & Baker
One Hundred Essential Things You Didn't Know You Didn't Know -- John D Barrow
Only A Theory -- Kenneth Miller
On Writing -- Stephen King
Origamics -- Kazuo Haga
(The) Origin of Species *- Charles Darwin (eds. 1 and 6)
(The) Other Brain -- R Douglas Fields
Out of Thin Air -- Peter Ward
(The) Oxford Dictionary of World Histories -- Glynnis Chantrell
Pain *- Patrick Wall
(The) Panda's Thumb *- Stephen Jay Gould
Particle or Wave -- Charis Anastopoulos
(The) Pea and the Sun -- Leonard Wapner
(The) Pedant's Revolt -- Andrea Barham
People And The Sky -- Anthony Aveni
(The) Perfect Swarm -- Len Fisher
Physical Geography -- McKnight & Hess
Physics of the Impossible -- Michio Kaku
(The) Plausibility of Life *- Kirschner & Gerhart
(The) Pleasure Instinct -- Gene Wallenstein
Poisons -- Peter Macinnis
(The) Political Mind -- George Lakoff
(The) Politics of Jesus -- Obery Hendricks Jr
(The) Portable Atheist -- Christopher Hitchens
(A) Portrait of the Brain -- Adam Zemen
(The) Power Makers -- Maury Klein
(The) Power of Critical Thinking -- Lewis Vaughn
Predictably Irrational -- Dan Ariely
Prehistoric Life -- editors of Dorling Kindersley
(The) Primate Family Tree -- Ian Redmond
Prime Mover *- Steven Vogel
Principles of Toxicology -- Stine & Brown
Probably Not -- Lawrence N Dworsky
Programming the Universe -- Seth Lloyd
Q Is For Quantum *- John Gribbin
Quantum Leaps in the Wrong Direction ** Wynn & Wiggins
(The) Quantum Zoo -- Marcus Chown
Reading in the Brain -- Stanislas Dehaene
Reinventing Gravity *- John W Moffat
Reinventing the Sacred -- Stuart A Kauffman
Relics of Eden -- Daniel J Fairbanks
Remarkable Creatures -- Sean B Carroll
(The) Republican War on Science -* Chris Mooney
(The) Richness of Life -- Gould & Rose
Riddled With Life -- Marlene Zuk
Rock, Paper, Scissors -- Len Fisher
Robots Unlimited -- David Levy
(The) Runaway Universe *- Donald Goldsmith
Science and Nonbelief -- Taner Edis
Science at the Edge -- John Brockman
(The) Science of Fear -- Daniel Gardner
(The) Science of Liberty -- Timothy Ferris
Science Friction *- Michael Shermer
(The) Science of Aliens *- Clifford Pickover
(The) Science of Good & Evil *- Michael Shermer
Scientists and Scoundrels -- Robert Silverberg
(The) Score -- Faye Flam
(The) Secret Pulse of Time -- Stefan Klein
See What I'm Saying -- Lawrence D Rosenblum
Sensory Exotica *- Howard C Hughes
Seventy Great Mysteries of the Natural World -- Michael Benton
Sexing the Brain *- Lesley Rodgers
Sex, Sleep, Eat, Drink, Dream -- Jennifer Ackerman
Sexy Orchids Make Lousy Lovers -- Marty Crump
Six Degrees -- Mark Lynas
Skeptics and True Believers *- Chet Raymo
(The) Skeptic's Guide to the Paranormal *- Lynne Kelly
Slam-dunks and No-Brainers -- Leslie Susan
(The) Smartest Animals on the Planet -- Sally Boysen
Snake Oil Science -- R Barker Bausell
Sneakiest Uses For Everyday Things -- Cy Tymony
Spycraft -- Wallace, Melton, Schlessinger
Stem Cell Research -- Joseph Panno
Still Life -- Melissa Milgrom
Strange Matters *- Tom Siegfried
Strickberger's Evolution -- Hall & Hallgrimsson
(A) Stubbornly Persistent Illusion -- Stephen Hawking
(The) Stuff of Life -- Zander & Cannon
(The) Stuff of Thought -- Steven Pinker
Stumbling on Happiness *- Daniel Gilbert
Sudden Origins *- Jeffrey Schwartz
Sun in a Bottle -- Charles Seife
Supernatural Selection -* Matt J Rossano
(The) Superorganism -- Holldobler & EO Wilson
Superstition -- Robert L Park
Surfing Through Hypserspace *- Clifford A Pickover
Tales From the Underground *- David Wolfe
Talk to the Hand -- Lynne Truss
(A) Tear at the Edge of Creation -- Marcelo Glesier
(The) Ten Most Beautiful Experiments -- George Johnson
(The 10,000) Ten Thousand Year Explosion -- Cochran & Harpending
Terra -- Michael Novacek
That Book of Perfectly Useless Information (This/The Other Book) -- Mitchell Symons
(The) Thermodynamic Universe -- BG Sidharth
Think Smart -- Richard Restak
(The) Third Domain -- Tim Friend
(13) Thirteen Things That Don't Make Sense -- Michael Brooks
This Book Warps Space And Time -- Norman Sperling
This Will Change Everything -- John Brockman
Three Steps to the Universe *- Garfinkle & Garfinkle
(The) Three-Pound Enigma -- Shannon Moffett
Thumbs, Toes and Tears -- Chip Walter
Time (A Traveler's Guide) *- Clifford A Pickover
Time, Space, Stars & Man -- Michael M Woolfson
(The) Time Paradox -- Zimbardo & Boyd
Time Travel in Einstein's Universe *- J Richard Gott
Tinkering With Eden *- Kim Todd
Total Recall -- Bell & Gemmell
Treating the Brain -- Walter G Bradley
(The) Triple Helix *- Richard Lewontin
(The) Triumph of Evolution *- Niles Eldredge
(The) True Believer -- Eric Hoffer
(The) Undergrowth of Science *- Walter Gratzer
(The) Undiscovered Mind *- John Horgan
(The) Unfolding of Language *- Guy Deutcher
Unintelligent Design *- Mark Perakh
(The) Universe Before The Big Bang -- Maurizio Gasperini
Up From Dragons *- Skoyles & Dorion Sagan
Upgrade Me -- Brian Clegg
Uncertainty -- David Lindley
(The) Universe -- Carlos I Calle
Unscientific America -- Kirshenbaum, Mooney
(A) User's Guide to the Universe -- Goldberg & Blomquist
(The) Varieties of Scientific Experience -- Carl Sagan
Voices From The Moon -- Andrew Chaikin
Voodoo Science *- Robert Park
Wandering Stars -- George HA Cole
(The) Way We Think *- Fauconnier & Turner
Weather -- Randy Cerveny
Weed 'em and Reap -- Roger Welsch
Weird Water & Fuzzy Logic *- Martin Gardner
Welcome to Your Brain -- Aamodt & Wang
What Are You Optimistic About? -- John Brockman
What Does a Martian Look Like? *- Cohen & Stewart
What Does it Mean to Be Human? -- Potts & Sloan
What if the Earth Had Two Moons? -- Neil Comins
What Makes You Tick? *- Thomas B Gerner
What's Next -- Buckingham & Ward
When Science Goes Wrong -- Simon Le Vay
When You Were a Tadpole And I Was A Fish -- Martin Gardner
(The) Whole Story *- Toby Murcott
Whose Bible is it? -- Jaroslav Pelikan
Why Choose This Book? -- Read Montague
Why Darwin Matters *- Michael Shermer
Why Does E=mc2? -- Cox & Forshaw
Why Elephants Have Big Ears *- Chris Lavers
Why Evolution is True -- Jerry Coyne
Why Most Things Fail -- Paul Ormerod
Why People Believe Weird Things *- Michael Shermer
Why Science? -- James Trefil
Why We Feel *- Victor S Johnston
Why We Make Mistakes -- Joseph T Hallinan
Wicked Plants -- Stewart
Wild Minds * Marc D Hauser
Wisdom -- Stephen S Hall
Word Myths *-David Wilton
Words and Rules *- Steven Pinker
(The) World in Six Songs -- Daniel Levitin
(A) World Without Ice -- Henry N Pollack
(The) World Without Us -- Alan Weisman
(The) X in Sex *- David Bainbridge
Y (The Descent of Men) *- Steven Jones
You Are Here -- Christopher Potter
You Are Not a Gadget -- Jaron Lanier
Your Brain on Food -- Gary L Wenk
Your Flying Car Awaits -- Paul Milo
Your Inner Fish -- Neil Shubin
You Say To-ma-to -- RW Jackson
Yes, all these books, from questionable to top-notch quality, I have written a card for each one over a very long period of time -- then, I typed up the titles in just under four hours!
` Alas, there are many more cards to write, and many more to read... but for now, it's time for bed. I have a long day ahead of me, which will probably consist of more tedium.
What I would do for just one minion!
Showing posts with label Heads-Up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heads-Up. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
About Being A Mad Science Writer...
So, last quarter, I found out that I wasn't accepted into UW Bothell, a couple weeks later I found that I didn't get my transfer degree anyway, and then at the end of the quarter, I found that I once again failed my English 102 class, and now I'm all out of Financial Aid!
I guess my only chance to move forward in a timely fashion is to start freelancing.
Now that I have a lot of free time on my hands, I've gotten all the way through the emails in my inbox, and have deleted all but 274 of them (down from some 2,000 yesterday).
Well, I have to leave in a few minutes for an audition, so I must go.
I guess my only chance to move forward in a timely fashion is to start freelancing.
Now that I have a lot of free time on my hands, I've gotten all the way through the emails in my inbox, and have deleted all but 274 of them (down from some 2,000 yesterday).
Well, I have to leave in a few minutes for an audition, so I must go.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Onto the University of Washington, Bothell!
Though I've committed to keeping up with blogging, I swore I would not make another blog post until my personal statement for UW Bothell was completed.
` It's taken so long, partly because most of the time I hadn't had the money to apply and so focused more on school work and library books. Now that the pressure is off, I am back to blogging, and showering, more regularly.
Since I still haven't finished the post I had been working on, I'll show you what I've finally come up with instead.
Well, it's original. I wonder what they'll make of that?
` It's taken so long, partly because most of the time I hadn't had the money to apply and so focused more on school work and library books. Now that the pressure is off, I am back to blogging, and showering, more regularly.
Since I still haven't finished the post I had been working on, I'll show you what I've finally come up with instead.
My passion for science has always been an immense source of motivation, as it is a triumph of human understanding, yet it is widely misunderstood. With my skills in the visual and musical arts, video editing, acting and writing, I am determined to find a career in engaging the general public in scientific understanding.
` I’ve long been honing my skills through blogging, which has generally gotten positive feedback from professionals, and I am now working on a website for the public understanding, and use of, science and critical thinking.
` There is more to this than fostering a sense of curiosity and wonder: Understanding the critical basis of how science works, and why, can teach people how to ask questions for themselves and to solve puzzles in their own lives.
` With such talent and determination, one might assume that I was raised by loving parents who nurtured my mind from the beginning, but the truth is that I've been fighting every step of the way. If I hadn’t been as curious as I am, or learned the art of critical thinking, I shudder to think of the consequences.
` Starting out, I had been severely abused and isolated, with scarcely any formal education or notion of the outside world. My worldview had been based on my father’s delusions that I was trying to kill him, and the fact that I was unaware of this was proof that I wasn’t conscious of reality. Instead, my thoughts and experiences were mere illusions, and I was crazy to even think that severe injuries caused me any pain at all.
` The only thing I had to live for was learning about the latest scientific discoveries, from genetics to exoplanets, because they gave me hope that something could be considered real by someone. I didn’t really understand how scientific evidence worked, since bringing my dad an object he insisted wasn’t real only made him look away and fly into a rage.
` I didn’t give up hope: For five years, I wrote down my experiences, as accurately as I could, so that perhaps some scientist could be the judge of whether or not I was a real person. When I was eighteen, however, my dad stole every scrap of this evidence on his way out of my life.
` I was just able to cope with this by telling myself that I would discover something so amazing that my life would become worthwhile. To my surprise, I did. It was a book on epistemology and critical thinking, in which I learned that there actually is a real world where evidence matters, and that proper reasoning is the opposite of my dad’s version. Shakily, I accepted this alien concept, and gradually came to realize that most of my worldview was not based on real evidence or logic -- so, what was?
` My quest for coherent understanding fell flat when I ran into trauma far worse than my dad, and for many years the only professional advice I could get was, “give up, you’re hopeless.” I could use my critical abilities to become aware of what was going on in my head, and figure out how to improve myself, but others kept telling me to stop, insisting that it was impossible.
` I had to set out on my own, and almost immediately I met my now-fiance, who encouraged me to attend Everett Community College -- my first real school! Despite serious setbacks from adverse living conditions, my mental capacities began to skyrocket, and my grades weren‘t bad, either.
` Now that I‘m about to earn my transfer degree, I’ve become convinced of my realness. Indeed, the skills for solving problems and expanding my world have had such a tremendous impact on my life that I’ve dedicated the rest of it to teaching their importance to others, and I look forward to continuing toward my goal at the University of Washington.
Well, it's original. I wonder what they'll make of that?
Sunday, December 19, 2010
I've come this far... and here comes more!
Let's go back to the beginning, as in, the beginning of this blog, nearly four years ago. What were my stated goals?
` Before that, I'd never really gone to college -- besides a couple art classes where I didn't learn anything -- and had had no other education to speak of up until I started college at EVCC.
That was rough because, not only did I not know how to study and be in public, but I was constantly prevented from learning because I'd lost my lab and had some very frightening and stressful living situations in which I had to constantly be on-guard, and could go for months at a time with no breaks for basic human needs such as quiet and privacy.
` Homework was something that I was constantly being prevented from doing, and completing it became an impossible, but crucial goal to my success.
` At the worst of it, I became suicidal from having to go back to 'survival, no-brains, no-personality, fight-or-flight mode' all the time, and being picked on for this by people who took advantage of this and used me as a taxi service among other things.
` It was a huge interruption in my exponentially-fast learning of life skills -- which I had been prevented from before because of being abused and tortured and then treated like an invalid by people like Phil -- and the fact that I didn't have these skills already was also a source of ridicule.
So, it's understandable that I wasn't able to get many schemes underway after I began having psychotic loser roommates and living in seriously ghetto conditions -- in fact, I wound up hating myself and feeling incompetent because I was constantly being traumatized and abused, which was something I'd grown up with and was trying to break out of the habit of being a victim of.
` Finally, that's worked, it's just taken that long to get away from such people and situations.
How my life has changed, and changed, and changed again!
And speaking of my first post, I've just gone back to it -- January 1, 2006, and I've found that... MY READER'S COMMENTS ARE BACK!!!!
` It was some time ago, when I was going through the task of re-archiving my blogs (because I had failed the first time) and found that almost every single post up to certain points (apparently the points which I'd installed those comment spam guards) had removed all the previously-made comments from them!
` But now, having just gone back to the first post again, I've found that ALL MY COMMENTS ARE BACK!
` Oh, the memories! All my bloggy friends at the time, and others, including crazy people, and all their witty comments and whatnot -- just the comments were like half my blog posts, and sometimes, were even better! I feel so relieved!
Well... it's time to re-archive my blog posts on my new MAL, and with the comments, now, which will probably take forever but it's worth doing in case my blogs 'disappear' online, which happens to some people occasionally, like poor Aaron, whose blog was gone with no explanation!
Anyway, so what are my plans, once more?
Well; I've changed my opinions in light of new facts so many times that it is hard to see across to those days when I wrote those posts. Too many things have happened.
So, I think it's time I paid those days a visit!
Not only do I have some new posts started, but I've learned so many things that I realize I've made many factual errors in this blog -- and others -- that I think that as I go back to archive this blog, I should also re-write the same posts, for the good of anyone who looks at them, and for material to put on The Corrigendopedia website, which I am now writing for once more.
I've been planning for this for a long time, but it's been hard to get back to serious blogging because of school and other busy activities and working at getting my sh** together so that I can do more than just that.
` I've said many times in the past that I would be back at blogging, but just when I thought I'd had my life under control, I'd find out that I was wrong and would get blamed for that, even though it was more bad luck and getting beaten down constantly that was the problem, and I still blamed myself, especially when Lou Ryan didn't see the problem and encouraged this.
That doesn't happen too often now, although something of this kind did happen last night:
One of the things I've been working on is going to bed early so that I can get up before ten in the morning, but it is so cold at night without firewood to heat the house that I'm so tense from shivering under my blankets that I can't get to sleep.
` So, yesterday I got up at 6:30 in the morning to shoot a really elaborate TV commercial and didn't get home until evening, and then went to the gym, and I was so happy to be exhausted for once because finally, I would be able to get to sleep early, no matter how cold it was.
Lucas had also put the fan heater downstairs by the fireplace so as to blow hot air towards the stairs and throughout the house in the same way as he would put the mini-fan by the fireplace when we did have a fire going. It worked almost as well, but was much more expensive.
` For some reason, it seemed as though I was very cold and couldn't warm up. I shivered and sat on my feet and wondered why Vada and the kitten, Rusty -- whom I have because Violet died -- wasn't there to help keep me warm.
` Instead of investigating, I fell back into my habit of just blaming myself for my problems. If I couldn't fall asleep, it was my fault, I thought. It couldn't actually be that much colder than it was the previous night, because the fan heater had worked then.
` Besides, I was too exhausted to get up and investigate -- I'd seen the heater on before going to bed, and I knew that none of the roommates would turn it off because it was heating the house, so it must be working. If I felt cold, it must be all in my head, right?
` That's just destructive thinking, and I admit I fall back into that habit as soon as I'm really tired or otherwise mentally taxed and am experiencing some trouble or other. Which I was.
If I'd just spent two minutes actually using my problem-solving skills, I would have found differently:
I didn't get to sleep until the wee hours, and as usual woke up the next morning at ten, feeling discouraged that I had not been able to utilize my morning to do everything I needed to do in the morning and then have the entire rest of the day in front of me.
` Even worse, a friend here at the house, Anthony Soto, was in the living room and called me something like 'Gotten-Up-Late Hair' because I hadn't been able to comb my hair into shape from all the tossing and turning, and I explained to him that I had gotten up late because I hadn't been able to sleep from the cold last night.
` But then, Lucas -- I mean, Lou Ryan -- came onto the scene and told me what had happened last night, just after I had fallen asleep:
He had been asleep in bed, and despite wearing his sweats, with his hood up, even, he was so cold that he woke up and got out of bed and discovered that the entire house was freezing! He went downstairs and found that the heater-fan was gone!
` A few seconds later, he found it in the den, with the door closed, and he said it was about ninety degrees in there. He swore a bunch and turned on the light, to find Anthony -- and a girl! -- in the bed in the den!
`He had stole our heat! So, I was right to think that our roommates hadn't done anything with the heater. What we didn't know was that Anthony was spending the night -- I'm not sure why -- and this is why it's always important to use your critical thinking skills, even when your critical thinking centers want to rest -- especially then!
Not only was it my anti-victim mentality, butAnthony who had caused me to ultimately wake up in the morning late, and then the same guy teased me for it!
CORRECTION: It wasn't Anthony, it was JOEL! As a roommate, Joel ought to have known better! I guess he just doesn't think that much, but he's eager to learn.
It is bizarre, but once-in-a-lifetime flukes have pretty consistently interfered with my life over these four years, many times in critical periods where I had absolutely needed to exercise some control and gain some self-confidence:
` This includes everything from de-brainwashing and de-traumatize myself (no thanks to the 'mental health' non-psychologist idiots) and being in a state of vulnerability state because I was opening myself to the possibility of learning something scary but necessary for my continued development, all the way to more common difficulties such as changing my bad habits through discipline.
` I'd be in some critical period or moment when something bizarre that I couldn't have seen coming that was unpleasant, painful, or just plain discouraging, would happen.
This is just one example -- however, since this doesn't happen every day anymore, I believe that it is so little that, while it is upsetting, I can take this level of discouragement and continue on trying to take control of my life without having to be too afraid to try again for some time.
And thus, I believe that I am in a better position to be more consistent with my blogging and other activities.
` Although outside, unpredictable factors out of my control will always interrupt me, as long as they are not virtually constant (as they literally once had been, with the constant mind-deafening noise of the Su Chiang house of condemned doom, for example, when I had to literally leave the house and trudge down the street in the snow or rain, in order to find those abilities I thought I'd been developing, such as focusing, planning, thinking about things, remembering who I am, etc. but was not able to use those abilities or continue developing much more at all), I really think I can deal with these problems now.
` Only looking at it now do I realize how delicate I've been, and how wrong it was for others to laugh at me when I told them what my needs were -- privacy and quiet -- in order to, not just make progress, but to stop backsliding into habit and unthinking, mindless oblivion of hanging on and hoping that I'd be able to come up for a breath of having my mind to myself, and at the same time being hurt by the way-too-high expectations of myself that I, and especially others, held.
But now, I've gone through many more childhood developmental stages, which I had been prevented from going through before, we've gotten rid of abusive ass****s living in our house and in our lives, plus I have been able to put myself together and set my life up so that discipline is no longer equated with a mental (or even physical) gauntlet of certain intense pain and disruption.
Therefore, I should be able to run a simple blog -- or even a set of four. And why four blogs?
When I started my first blog, I had been writing so many blog posts each day that I would often have two or three in one day. When I finally decided to be true to myself and blog with my true identity, here, I was able to shunt some of those extra blog posts over so that the other blog wasn't as clogged with writing.
` Then, once I was able to get my art online, consistently, I started an art blog so that the posts I had specialized for my artwork could all be in one place. Then, it just sorta got out of control.
My mission now is to get all that stuff back under control. I'll write/fix my websites, get my blogs going, figure out what to do with all the unpublished drafts and so on.
` It's going to take a lot of work, but now that my life is so much better and improving, I don't doubt that I can figure out how to do it, even when I have homework to do.
~ Procure a suitable laboratory.In the intervening years I have, to my great surprise and relief, done all of those things, except for my Ph.D. Of course, I didn't really expect to get it in one year, but of course I did start college within that year, which is the first step, thanks to superhero/rock star/now-fiance Lou Ryan.
~ Rebuild MAL 9000 and install him in the new lab.
~ Earn my Ph.D -- before someone discovers my twisted and malevolent schemes!
~ Start a blog. (Well, at least I have that one taken care of.)
` Before that, I'd never really gone to college -- besides a couple art classes where I didn't learn anything -- and had had no other education to speak of up until I started college at EVCC.
That was rough because, not only did I not know how to study and be in public, but I was constantly prevented from learning because I'd lost my lab and had some very frightening and stressful living situations in which I had to constantly be on-guard, and could go for months at a time with no breaks for basic human needs such as quiet and privacy.
` Homework was something that I was constantly being prevented from doing, and completing it became an impossible, but crucial goal to my success.
` At the worst of it, I became suicidal from having to go back to 'survival, no-brains, no-personality, fight-or-flight mode' all the time, and being picked on for this by people who took advantage of this and used me as a taxi service among other things.
` It was a huge interruption in my exponentially-fast learning of life skills -- which I had been prevented from before because of being abused and tortured and then treated like an invalid by people like Phil -- and the fact that I didn't have these skills already was also a source of ridicule.
So, it's understandable that I wasn't able to get many schemes underway after I began having psychotic loser roommates and living in seriously ghetto conditions -- in fact, I wound up hating myself and feeling incompetent because I was constantly being traumatized and abused, which was something I'd grown up with and was trying to break out of the habit of being a victim of.
` Finally, that's worked, it's just taken that long to get away from such people and situations.
How my life has changed, and changed, and changed again!
And speaking of my first post, I've just gone back to it -- January 1, 2006, and I've found that... MY READER'S COMMENTS ARE BACK!!!!
` It was some time ago, when I was going through the task of re-archiving my blogs (because I had failed the first time) and found that almost every single post up to certain points (apparently the points which I'd installed those comment spam guards) had removed all the previously-made comments from them!
` But now, having just gone back to the first post again, I've found that ALL MY COMMENTS ARE BACK!
` Oh, the memories! All my bloggy friends at the time, and others, including crazy people, and all their witty comments and whatnot -- just the comments were like half my blog posts, and sometimes, were even better! I feel so relieved!
Well... it's time to re-archive my blog posts on my new MAL, and with the comments, now, which will probably take forever but it's worth doing in case my blogs 'disappear' online, which happens to some people occasionally, like poor Aaron, whose blog was gone with no explanation!
Anyway, so what are my plans, once more?
Well; I've changed my opinions in light of new facts so many times that it is hard to see across to those days when I wrote those posts. Too many things have happened.
So, I think it's time I paid those days a visit!
Not only do I have some new posts started, but I've learned so many things that I realize I've made many factual errors in this blog -- and others -- that I think that as I go back to archive this blog, I should also re-write the same posts, for the good of anyone who looks at them, and for material to put on The Corrigendopedia website, which I am now writing for once more.
I've been planning for this for a long time, but it's been hard to get back to serious blogging because of school and other busy activities and working at getting my sh** together so that I can do more than just that.
` I've said many times in the past that I would be back at blogging, but just when I thought I'd had my life under control, I'd find out that I was wrong and would get blamed for that, even though it was more bad luck and getting beaten down constantly that was the problem, and I still blamed myself, especially when Lou Ryan didn't see the problem and encouraged this.
That doesn't happen too often now, although something of this kind did happen last night:
One of the things I've been working on is going to bed early so that I can get up before ten in the morning, but it is so cold at night without firewood to heat the house that I'm so tense from shivering under my blankets that I can't get to sleep.
` So, yesterday I got up at 6:30 in the morning to shoot a really elaborate TV commercial and didn't get home until evening, and then went to the gym, and I was so happy to be exhausted for once because finally, I would be able to get to sleep early, no matter how cold it was.
Lucas had also put the fan heater downstairs by the fireplace so as to blow hot air towards the stairs and throughout the house in the same way as he would put the mini-fan by the fireplace when we did have a fire going. It worked almost as well, but was much more expensive.
` For some reason, it seemed as though I was very cold and couldn't warm up. I shivered and sat on my feet and wondered why Vada and the kitten, Rusty -- whom I have because Violet died -- wasn't there to help keep me warm.
` Instead of investigating, I fell back into my habit of just blaming myself for my problems. If I couldn't fall asleep, it was my fault, I thought. It couldn't actually be that much colder than it was the previous night, because the fan heater had worked then.
` Besides, I was too exhausted to get up and investigate -- I'd seen the heater on before going to bed, and I knew that none of the roommates would turn it off because it was heating the house, so it must be working. If I felt cold, it must be all in my head, right?
` That's just destructive thinking, and I admit I fall back into that habit as soon as I'm really tired or otherwise mentally taxed and am experiencing some trouble or other. Which I was.
If I'd just spent two minutes actually using my problem-solving skills, I would have found differently:
I didn't get to sleep until the wee hours, and as usual woke up the next morning at ten, feeling discouraged that I had not been able to utilize my morning to do everything I needed to do in the morning and then have the entire rest of the day in front of me.
` Even worse, a friend here at the house, Anthony Soto, was in the living room and called me something like 'Gotten-Up-Late Hair' because I hadn't been able to comb my hair into shape from all the tossing and turning, and I explained to him that I had gotten up late because I hadn't been able to sleep from the cold last night.
` But then, Lucas -- I mean, Lou Ryan -- came onto the scene and told me what had happened last night, just after I had fallen asleep:
He had been asleep in bed, and despite wearing his sweats, with his hood up, even, he was so cold that he woke up and got out of bed and discovered that the entire house was freezing! He went downstairs and found that the heater-fan was gone!
` A few seconds later, he found it in the den, with the door closed, and he said it was about ninety degrees in there. He swore a bunch and turned on the light, to find Anthony -- and a girl! -- in the bed in the den!
`
Not only was it my anti-victim mentality, but
CORRECTION: It wasn't Anthony, it was JOEL! As a roommate, Joel ought to have known better! I guess he just doesn't think that much, but he's eager to learn.
It is bizarre, but once-in-a-lifetime flukes have pretty consistently interfered with my life over these four years, many times in critical periods where I had absolutely needed to exercise some control and gain some self-confidence:
` This includes everything from de-brainwashing and de-traumatize myself (no thanks to the 'mental health' non-psychologist idiots) and being in a state of vulnerability state because I was opening myself to the possibility of learning something scary but necessary for my continued development, all the way to more common difficulties such as changing my bad habits through discipline.
` I'd be in some critical period or moment when something bizarre that I couldn't have seen coming that was unpleasant, painful, or just plain discouraging, would happen.
This is just one example -- however, since this doesn't happen every day anymore, I believe that it is so little that, while it is upsetting, I can take this level of discouragement and continue on trying to take control of my life without having to be too afraid to try again for some time.
And thus, I believe that I am in a better position to be more consistent with my blogging and other activities.
` Although outside, unpredictable factors out of my control will always interrupt me, as long as they are not virtually constant (as they literally once had been, with the constant mind-deafening noise of the Su Chiang house of condemned doom, for example, when I had to literally leave the house and trudge down the street in the snow or rain, in order to find those abilities I thought I'd been developing, such as focusing, planning, thinking about things, remembering who I am, etc. but was not able to use those abilities or continue developing much more at all), I really think I can deal with these problems now.
` Only looking at it now do I realize how delicate I've been, and how wrong it was for others to laugh at me when I told them what my needs were -- privacy and quiet -- in order to, not just make progress, but to stop backsliding into habit and unthinking, mindless oblivion of hanging on and hoping that I'd be able to come up for a breath of having my mind to myself, and at the same time being hurt by the way-too-high expectations of myself that I, and especially others, held.
But now, I've gone through many more childhood developmental stages, which I had been prevented from going through before, we've gotten rid of abusive ass****s living in our house and in our lives, plus I have been able to put myself together and set my life up so that discipline is no longer equated with a mental (or even physical) gauntlet of certain intense pain and disruption.
Therefore, I should be able to run a simple blog -- or even a set of four. And why four blogs?
When I started my first blog, I had been writing so many blog posts each day that I would often have two or three in one day. When I finally decided to be true to myself and blog with my true identity, here, I was able to shunt some of those extra blog posts over so that the other blog wasn't as clogged with writing.
` Then, once I was able to get my art online, consistently, I started an art blog so that the posts I had specialized for my artwork could all be in one place. Then, it just sorta got out of control.
My mission now is to get all that stuff back under control. I'll write/fix my websites, get my blogs going, figure out what to do with all the unpublished drafts and so on.
` It's going to take a lot of work, but now that my life is so much better and improving, I don't doubt that I can figure out how to do it, even when I have homework to do.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
The Spanish Spongebobs: ¡Traducir los Bob Esponjas es muy divertido!
Believe it or not, this 'stupid video post' actually does have something to do with what I'm learning in college. I'm almost done with fall quarter, and am about to have the time to share my more serious articles, and even other schoolwork.
` But, for now, I thought, just to update this blog if nothing else, something of a less serious nature.
You see, October 19, 2010 was the best day ever of my life, because I had just gone through a childhood developmental stage attained by most people at 2 1/2 years old, thus acquiring some more efficient brain-processing skills. Unfortunately, my life quickly went downhill for other reasons despite this (i.e. I got the flu, my favorite cat died, etc).
` On the best day ever, however, I remembered having seen on YouTube the title, 'Spongebob Squarepants -- The Best Day Ever', so I found the 'sing-along' version on YouTube, which featured such strange sights as Spongebob with an oversized butt flying through the water, leaving behind a rainbow trail.
'Dare I speculate?' I thought, having never actually seen the show.
However, in the sidebar, I noticed another title, 'Bob Esponja -- El Mejor de Los Dias'! This Bob Esponja sounded eerily similar to Spongebob, but it was in Spanish-Spanish, that is, the kind of Spanish spoken in Spain. (The most noticeable feature is the pronunciation of 'c' and 'z' as a 'th' sound.)
` This one wasn't a sing-along video, it only had still pictures, and also the song was different because it only consisted of the first verse and then had a bunch of dialogue.
` I thought it might be fun to try to translate the dialogue, but it would help if I could see what was going on. It would also help if I had the Spanish lyrics, but when I looked them up online, they did not match the ones I'd heard!
And then, I found out why:
I was going around YouTube, looking for a version that shows the original video and came across a completely different translation of exactly the same song, in a different key, as sung by a much different-sounding Bob Esponja -- this one with a Latin American accent!
I later looked this up on Wikipedia -- sure enough, there are both a Spanish and a Latin American version of Bob Esponja! I don't know why that is, but it is.
The first thing that popped into my head was, 'Great! Now I can listen to both and compare the two and from that, figure out what they're saying!' You know, kind of like the idea behind deciphering the Rosetta stone, but with Bob Esponjas.
Amazingly, I managed, with the power of listening intently, to figure out that he was talking to his pet snail, who I knew was like a cat, about the new generation of Crab-burgers, fishing for jellyfish with Patricio (whom at least I knew must be the sea star, Patrick), having a karate session with 'Arenita', whom I figured must be the squirrel in the diving suit, and then going to the clarinet recital of 'Calamardo' whom I figured must be a squid.
That's seriously all I knew. I felt lost in this pursuit, however, so I decided to go around YouTube, watching videos, and was able to confirm that much of this made sense. As for the show, I didn't know quite what to make of it.
` And then, I saw the chocolate-selling scene with the dried-up old lady! "You just can't wait for me to die, can you?" It was wrong on so many levels...
Hooray for lying! This, of course, convinced me to start viewing the show on Netflix, which we had just subscribed to at the time. Importantly, I decided to use my newfound mental skills to analyze it as TV shows are meant to be analyzed!
I liked the way the characters play off one another, especially the way that Spongebob and Patrick so greatly annoy the sarcastic Squidward (Calamardo) the bald, middle-aged, self-absorbed, curmudgeonly octopus (i.e. not actually a squid) who fancies himself to be an artistic genius trapped in a dead-end job, and who secretly wants to join in their silly games because they're so happy, despite being innocent and lacking in intelligence, while he's not.
` I also quickly figured out that the stupidity seen in the show is not the punchline -- it's the way they make fun of the stupidity. The inappropriate wholesomeness reminded me of the very twisted Strangers With Candy series (about a graying former prostitute back in high school), whereas the parts with fast-paced flashbacks reminded me of Family Guy, and then the weird tangential stuff was reminiscent of Monty Python. Other parts were... well... more special. In a short bus sort of way.
My mental health will never be the same.
Anyway, the show did help me translate what was going on in the songs. And do you want to know what I came up with? Well, I think I did fairly well, considering I'm only in Spanish Level 2 and haven't even formally learned the future tense. Of course, my instructor also helped me, but still, I got most of it by myself, even parts she couldn't understand!
So, I'll present the Spanish-from-Spain translation first, along with the Latin American Spanish version, so you can actually listen, if you dare:
Ya ha salido el sol sólo para mí
The sun has come up just for me
?? Qué día va a ser tengo que salir
What a day it's going to be, I have to go out
Saltar al fin de felicidad
To jump, at last, for joy
Es lo que tu descubrirás
It is what you will discover,
!Todos es especialo! (!Este ya!)
Everything is special (This already!)
¡Ey, Gary!
Hi, Gary!
?Mrao?
Mrao?
Te preguntarás por que es el mejor dia a mi vida?
You would ask why it's the best day of my life?
Porque, Gary, voy a ?? este maravilloso día trayendo al mundo a toda
Because, Gary, I'm going to ?begin this marvelous day bringing to the whole world
una nueva generación de deliciosas ?burgers Cangreburgers!
a new generation of delicious ?burgers Krabby Patties
Seguida ?? una vigorizante sesión de karate con Arenita al mediodía,
It continues ?with an invigorating session of karate with Sandy at noon,
Y una tarde de caza de medusas con Patrício donde estrena mi
And an afternoon of catching? jellyfish with Patrick where he'll first use my
poseción más prefiere y nueva ¡El caze medusa profesionál de lujo!
most preferred and new posession; the profesional deluxe jellyfish hunter!
Y por el gran final, ¡todos mis amigos más intimos
And for the grand finale, all my best friends
nos reuniremos para el recital la clarinete de Calimardo!
(we) will come together for Squidward's clarinet recital!
¡Estoy tan emocionado que creo que voy a explotarrrr!
I'm so excited that I think that I'm going to explode!
¡Todos es especialooo! (¡Este ya!)
Everything is special-o! (This already!)
I don't know what 'especialo' means, but whatever -- if any Spanish-speaker would like to comment on my translations, it'd be great.
` Oh yes, that's right -- translations-plural!: If that wasn't enough for you, here's the Latin American version, which is slower and easier to understand, and thus a huge help in translating the Spanish-Spanish version:
El sol ha salido y me ha sonreído
The sun has come up and has smiled at me
Que sería buen día me ha prometido
What a good day it will be, promised to me!
Salté de la cama con mucha alegría
Jumped out of bed with much happiness
Sintiéndome cómo nunca y
I'm feeling like never before, and
¡El mejor día es! (Best day ever!)
It's the best day! (Best day ever!)
!Hola, Gary!
Hello, Gary!
?Mrao?
Mrao?
?Preguntas por que es mejor dia?
You ask why it's the best day?
Porque Gary, comenzaré este maravilloso día dando vida a
Because, Gary, this marvelous day will begin giving life to
una nueva generación de deliciosas Cangreburgers!
a new generation of delicious Krabby Patties!
Seguida por una vigorosa sessión de karate con Arenita
It continues for a vigorous session of karate with Sandy
Y una tarde pescando medusas con Patricio donde revelaré
And an afternoon jellyfishing with Patrick where I'll reveal
mi más ?presciente preciosada posesión; el atrapa-medusas de lujo profesional
My most ?prescient precious posession; the deluxe professional jellyfish trap!
Y para el gran final, iré con mis mejores amigos
And for the grand finale, I'll go with my best friends
a presenciniar recital de clarineta de Calamardo
to be present at Squidward's clarinet recital!
Estoy tan emocionado yo creo que voy a explotaaar!
I'm so excited I think I'm going to explode!
El mejor dia eeeessss! (Best day ever!)
It's the best day ever!
And right when I was putting my paper together, I happened to go on YouTube (yes, for research purposes!) and I actually found the English version of this song, with the same dialogue -- it's actually just the beginning of an episode.
` Unfortunately, it was taken down the day after, but while it lasted, I wrote down what's in the original video:
Mister Sun came up and he smiled at me!
(The sun actually comes through his window with a -- ARRRGH! -- hideously cute smile!)
Said, It's gonna be a good one, just wait and see!
(Awkward pause where Spongebob and the sun stare at each other, then then Spongebob's bed GOES UP IN FLAMES, and Spongebob escapes the creepy underwater sun's fire just in time, and goes running around on the outside of his pineapple house.)
Jumped out of bed, and I ran outside, feeling so extra-ecstatified!
It's the best day ever! (Best day ever!)
(Spongebob find his pet snail on the roof and says,) "Hey, Gary!"
(Gary says,) "Mrao?"
(We can see what Spongebob is thinking via the magic of thought balloons.) "Why is it the best day ever, you ask? Because, Gary, I get to start this wonderful day bringing life to a whole new generation of delicious Krabby Patties! Followed by a vigorous midday session of karate with Sandy! And an afternoon jellyfishing with Patrick, where I'll unveil my newest, most prized posession, the Deluxe Jellyslayer Composite Pro!" (Spongebob demonstrates its capturing powers on Gary.)
"And, for the grand finale, every one of my closest friends joining together for Squidward's clarinet recital! I am so excited I think I'm going to explode!" (Gary backs away for safety purposes.)
Spongebob explodes and keeps singing, "It's the best day everrr!" while dorking it up along his way to work, and he is in such a good mood that he fails to notice that his workplace is covered in yellow tape that says 'Condemned' and giggles like a moron when he puts his hand on the doorknob.
` The video ends before we see his reaction -- well, I wanna see the rest! Better order some more Spongebob!
While the good-quality English language version of that video is down, I at least found a bad quality Latin American Spanish version of it... at least you can see what I was talking about.
Anyway, translating this all was indeed one of my Spanish projects this quarter. I hope it was... uh... special enough for you.
And if you think this was a horrible idea for a post, just remember that part of the reason I like Spongebob is because I went to Retard School and I have a tendency to love laughing at retards.
In any case, I have my Spanish class to blame!
Yeah, I'm blaming it on my education!
Hey... wait a second!
I just remembered, I left out one of my favorite characters. He's into world domination, like me -- it's Plankton, the one-eyed copepod! He also has an A.I., his computer wife, Karen, and a secret lab at the Chum Bucket, a restaurant nobody goes to because the food is that bad!
` Unfortunately, most of the Spongebob clips on YouTube are really not worth watching, so this was the best I could do:
Here's what happens when Plankton tries to be buddies with Spongebob -- of course, he's actually after Mr. Krabs' secret Krabby Patty recipe... but what they don't know is that Mr. Krabs is watching!
F is for Fire that burns down the whole town,
U is for Uranium bombs,
N is for No survivors...
Spongebob is such a moron, it hurts, and it hurts so much that I have that tingly sensation... no, it shouldn't stop!
Uhhhh....
This reminds me, I'll need to be getting back into gear for world domination soon. Be expecting that.
And, as a reward for making it all the way down to the bottom, I also found a video that reminds me of the Good Ol' (not really) Ghetto Days. Here's three short episodes of what Spongebob Squarepants would be like if all the characters came from the crackhouse I used to live at!
Are you ready, stoners? Ooooohhhhh... (cough! cough!) hold on, 'kay? Oooooohhhh, who lives in a bong in a dormitory?
SpongeBong HempPants
Disgusting and green and sticky is he....
Yes, for real!
I'm so sorry if this post is lame. Which it isn't. But if it were lame, I would apologize.
Ahhhh, I'm feeling more like myself now!
Well, I must be on my way. Finally, I'll have a real post next. But which one? There are so many to choose from by now....
` But, for now, I thought, just to update this blog if nothing else, something of a less serious nature.
You see, October 19, 2010 was the best day ever of my life, because I had just gone through a childhood developmental stage attained by most people at 2 1/2 years old, thus acquiring some more efficient brain-processing skills. Unfortunately, my life quickly went downhill for other reasons despite this (i.e. I got the flu, my favorite cat died, etc).
` On the best day ever, however, I remembered having seen on YouTube the title, 'Spongebob Squarepants -- The Best Day Ever', so I found the 'sing-along' version on YouTube, which featured such strange sights as Spongebob with an oversized butt flying through the water, leaving behind a rainbow trail.
'Dare I speculate?' I thought, having never actually seen the show.
However, in the sidebar, I noticed another title, 'Bob Esponja -- El Mejor de Los Dias'! This Bob Esponja sounded eerily similar to Spongebob, but it was in Spanish-Spanish, that is, the kind of Spanish spoken in Spain. (The most noticeable feature is the pronunciation of 'c' and 'z' as a 'th' sound.)
` This one wasn't a sing-along video, it only had still pictures, and also the song was different because it only consisted of the first verse and then had a bunch of dialogue.
` I thought it might be fun to try to translate the dialogue, but it would help if I could see what was going on. It would also help if I had the Spanish lyrics, but when I looked them up online, they did not match the ones I'd heard!
And then, I found out why:
I was going around YouTube, looking for a version that shows the original video and came across a completely different translation of exactly the same song, in a different key, as sung by a much different-sounding Bob Esponja -- this one with a Latin American accent!
I later looked this up on Wikipedia -- sure enough, there are both a Spanish and a Latin American version of Bob Esponja! I don't know why that is, but it is.
The first thing that popped into my head was, 'Great! Now I can listen to both and compare the two and from that, figure out what they're saying!' You know, kind of like the idea behind deciphering the Rosetta stone, but with Bob Esponjas.
Amazingly, I managed, with the power of listening intently, to figure out that he was talking to his pet snail, who I knew was like a cat, about the new generation of Crab-burgers, fishing for jellyfish with Patricio (whom at least I knew must be the sea star, Patrick), having a karate session with 'Arenita', whom I figured must be the squirrel in the diving suit, and then going to the clarinet recital of 'Calamardo' whom I figured must be a squid.
That's seriously all I knew. I felt lost in this pursuit, however, so I decided to go around YouTube, watching videos, and was able to confirm that much of this made sense. As for the show, I didn't know quite what to make of it.
` And then, I saw the chocolate-selling scene with the dried-up old lady! "You just can't wait for me to die, can you?" It was wrong on so many levels...
Hooray for lying! This, of course, convinced me to start viewing the show on Netflix, which we had just subscribed to at the time. Importantly, I decided to use my newfound mental skills to analyze it as TV shows are meant to be analyzed!
I liked the way the characters play off one another, especially the way that Spongebob and Patrick so greatly annoy the sarcastic Squidward (Calamardo) the bald, middle-aged, self-absorbed, curmudgeonly octopus (i.e. not actually a squid) who fancies himself to be an artistic genius trapped in a dead-end job, and who secretly wants to join in their silly games because they're so happy, despite being innocent and lacking in intelligence, while he's not.
` I also quickly figured out that the stupidity seen in the show is not the punchline -- it's the way they make fun of the stupidity. The inappropriate wholesomeness reminded me of the very twisted Strangers With Candy series (about a graying former prostitute back in high school), whereas the parts with fast-paced flashbacks reminded me of Family Guy, and then the weird tangential stuff was reminiscent of Monty Python. Other parts were... well... more special. In a short bus sort of way.
My mental health will never be the same.
Anyway, the show did help me translate what was going on in the songs. And do you want to know what I came up with? Well, I think I did fairly well, considering I'm only in Spanish Level 2 and haven't even formally learned the future tense. Of course, my instructor also helped me, but still, I got most of it by myself, even parts she couldn't understand!
So, I'll present the Spanish-from-Spain translation first, along with the Latin American Spanish version, so you can actually listen, if you dare:
Ya ha salido el sol sólo para mí
The sun has come up just for me
?? Qué día va a ser tengo que salir
What a day it's going to be, I have to go out
Saltar al fin de felicidad
To jump, at last, for joy
Es lo que tu descubrirás
It is what you will discover,
!Todos es especialo! (!Este ya!)
Everything is special (This already!)
¡Ey, Gary!
Hi, Gary!
?Mrao?
Mrao?
Te preguntarás por que es el mejor dia a mi vida?
You would ask why it's the best day of my life?
Porque, Gary, voy a ?? este maravilloso día trayendo al mundo a toda
Because, Gary, I'm going to ?begin this marvelous day bringing to the whole world
una nueva generación de deliciosas ?burgers Cangreburgers!
a new generation of delicious ?burgers Krabby Patties
Seguida ?? una vigorizante sesión de karate con Arenita al mediodía,
It continues ?with an invigorating session of karate with Sandy at noon,
Y una tarde de caza de medusas con Patrício donde estrena mi
And an afternoon of catching? jellyfish with Patrick where he'll first use my
poseción más prefiere y nueva ¡El caze medusa profesionál de lujo!
most preferred and new posession; the profesional deluxe jellyfish hunter!
Y por el gran final, ¡todos mis amigos más intimos
And for the grand finale, all my best friends
nos reuniremos para el recital la clarinete de Calimardo!
(we) will come together for Squidward's clarinet recital!
¡Estoy tan emocionado que creo que voy a explotarrrr!
I'm so excited that I think that I'm going to explode!
¡Todos es especialooo! (¡Este ya!)
Everything is special-o! (This already!)
I don't know what 'especialo' means, but whatever -- if any Spanish-speaker would like to comment on my translations, it'd be great.
` Oh yes, that's right -- translations-plural!: If that wasn't enough for you, here's the Latin American version, which is slower and easier to understand, and thus a huge help in translating the Spanish-Spanish version:
El sol ha salido y me ha sonreído
The sun has come up and has smiled at me
Que sería buen día me ha prometido
What a good day it will be, promised to me!
Salté de la cama con mucha alegría
Jumped out of bed with much happiness
Sintiéndome cómo nunca y
I'm feeling like never before, and
¡El mejor día es! (Best day ever!)
It's the best day! (Best day ever!)
!Hola, Gary!
Hello, Gary!
?Mrao?
Mrao?
?Preguntas por que es mejor dia?
You ask why it's the best day?
Porque Gary, comenzaré este maravilloso día dando vida a
Because, Gary, this marvelous day will begin giving life to
una nueva generación de deliciosas Cangreburgers!
a new generation of delicious Krabby Patties!
Seguida por una vigorosa sessión de karate con Arenita
It continues for a vigorous session of karate with Sandy
Y una tarde pescando medusas con Patricio donde revelaré
And an afternoon jellyfishing with Patrick where I'll reveal
mi más ?presciente preciosada posesión; el atrapa-medusas de lujo profesional
My most ?prescient precious posession; the deluxe professional jellyfish trap!
Y para el gran final, iré con mis mejores amigos
And for the grand finale, I'll go with my best friends
a presenciniar recital de clarineta de Calamardo
to be present at Squidward's clarinet recital!
Estoy tan emocionado yo creo que voy a explotaaar!
I'm so excited I think I'm going to explode!
El mejor dia eeeessss! (Best day ever!)
It's the best day ever!
And right when I was putting my paper together, I happened to go on YouTube (yes, for research purposes!) and I actually found the English version of this song, with the same dialogue -- it's actually just the beginning of an episode.
` Unfortunately, it was taken down the day after, but while it lasted, I wrote down what's in the original video:
Mister Sun came up and he smiled at me!
(The sun actually comes through his window with a -- ARRRGH! -- hideously cute smile!)
Said, It's gonna be a good one, just wait and see!
(Awkward pause where Spongebob and the sun stare at each other, then then Spongebob's bed GOES UP IN FLAMES, and Spongebob escapes the creepy underwater sun's fire just in time, and goes running around on the outside of his pineapple house.)
Jumped out of bed, and I ran outside, feeling so extra-ecstatified!
It's the best day ever! (Best day ever!)
(Spongebob find his pet snail on the roof and says,) "Hey, Gary!"
(Gary says,) "Mrao?"
(We can see what Spongebob is thinking via the magic of thought balloons.) "Why is it the best day ever, you ask? Because, Gary, I get to start this wonderful day bringing life to a whole new generation of delicious Krabby Patties! Followed by a vigorous midday session of karate with Sandy! And an afternoon jellyfishing with Patrick, where I'll unveil my newest, most prized posession, the Deluxe Jellyslayer Composite Pro!" (Spongebob demonstrates its capturing powers on Gary.)
"And, for the grand finale, every one of my closest friends joining together for Squidward's clarinet recital! I am so excited I think I'm going to explode!" (Gary backs away for safety purposes.)
Spongebob explodes and keeps singing, "It's the best day everrr!" while dorking it up along his way to work, and he is in such a good mood that he fails to notice that his workplace is covered in yellow tape that says 'Condemned' and giggles like a moron when he puts his hand on the doorknob.
` The video ends before we see his reaction -- well, I wanna see the rest! Better order some more Spongebob!
While the good-quality English language version of that video is down, I at least found a bad quality Latin American Spanish version of it... at least you can see what I was talking about.
Anyway, translating this all was indeed one of my Spanish projects this quarter. I hope it was... uh... special enough for you.
And if you think this was a horrible idea for a post, just remember that part of the reason I like Spongebob is because I went to Retard School and I have a tendency to love laughing at retards.
In any case, I have my Spanish class to blame!
Yeah, I'm blaming it on my education!
Hey... wait a second!
I just remembered, I left out one of my favorite characters. He's into world domination, like me -- it's Plankton, the one-eyed copepod! He also has an A.I., his computer wife, Karen, and a secret lab at the Chum Bucket, a restaurant nobody goes to because the food is that bad!
` Unfortunately, most of the Spongebob clips on YouTube are really not worth watching, so this was the best I could do:
Here's what happens when Plankton tries to be buddies with Spongebob -- of course, he's actually after Mr. Krabs' secret Krabby Patty recipe... but what they don't know is that Mr. Krabs is watching!
F is for Fire that burns down the whole town,
U is for Uranium bombs,
N is for No survivors...
Spongebob is such a moron, it hurts, and it hurts so much that I have that tingly sensation... no, it shouldn't stop!
Uhhhh....
This reminds me, I'll need to be getting back into gear for world domination soon. Be expecting that.
And, as a reward for making it all the way down to the bottom, I also found a video that reminds me of the Good Ol' (not really) Ghetto Days. Here's three short episodes of what Spongebob Squarepants would be like if all the characters came from the crackhouse I used to live at!
Are you ready, stoners? Ooooohhhhh... (cough! cough!) hold on, 'kay? Oooooohhhh, who lives in a bong in a dormitory?
SpongeBong HempPants
Disgusting and green and sticky is he....
Yes, for real!
I'm so sorry if this post is lame. Which it isn't. But if it were lame, I would apologize.
Ahhhh, I'm feeling more like myself now!
Well, I must be on my way. Finally, I'll have a real post next. But which one? There are so many to choose from by now....
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Where have all the mechanical henchmen gone?
I started this blog because I had given myself the freedom to self-determination in life, and that was exciting. I was finally starting to take on the world for the purpose of taking over the world, no amount of abuse, torture, lack of education, lack of socialization, or indifference of other people would stand in my way.
After four years of being made to feel unsafe, unwelcome and unwanted in my own dwelling, and facing considerable opposition to my ability to think, learn, complete tasks, plan, organize and sleep, I have learned the importance of sticking with mechanical henchmen as opposed to unpredictable human roommates.
` I have also learned that I am more willing to continue to be the victim to the point of constant suicide contemplation than I am willing to stand up for myself (and possibly give myself away).
` This greatly disappoints me, and it's clear that I don't have what it takes to be a mad scientist, so I've relegated myself to 'mad science writer', hence the title change of this blog.
Granted, I have always had Superhero-Rockstar Lou Ryan there for me, to help me through tough times, but I remind myself that the only reason I suffered so much was because I couldn't make myself move away and stop helping him make rent each month on his production company.
` Everyone else on the production team started getting addicted to drugs and replacing their money with destructive behavior and left. To fill in the empty rooms, we moved in others who eventually wrought their own havoc.
` However, not having had time to learn how to be anything more than a victim of household adversity, I continued being a victim. My ability to function, much less enjoy myself or be creative, was eventually sapped right out of me.
And no minions there to help me!
Now is the time for change. I may have had to sell all my henchmen and lab equipment in order to catch up on debts, but I now have new privacy, a desk, a functioning computer, and enough peace and quiet to be able to hear myself think, read comprehensively, and even sleep at night.
` Those daily struggles I used to face on top of attending college with no prior school experience took my brain down to the level of only surviving to the next day -- planning was a pipe dream.
` There was very little guarantee that any of my plans would not be halted, for example, by someone who needed a ride or a babysitter for that moment, and most of all by those who detested me for not being gracious for the short and unpredictable breaks they gave me to do things like sleep or homework, though they didn't give me time to think or act deliberately beyond survival habits.
` Planning just wasn't a realistic option. My daily planner had to be re-written every half-hour, and the only thing I was capable of completing was sweeping the floor, doing laundry, or showering -- routine tasks that I could do without thinking.
When you live with constant menaces, you don't notice or react to them as much. Thankfully, I have a new perspective now that the would-be-cat-killer roommate has practically been hauled off by the cops, and I expect to not have any more roommates in the foreseeable future.
That is why now is the time for change.
It's too bad that these years of self-discovery have led to living situations which resulted in my loss of internet habits, thus resulting in the lack of reasons for other people to visit my blogs, or for me to visit theirs.
I'm not surprised no one's said they're sick of Captain Disillusion yet, even though my last post all about him was amazingly uncreative and unthoughtful.
` I did discover that the actor's name is Allen something-or-other a couple of weeks ago... I'll get you, Allen! Mua ha ha ha haaaa!
However, since before my last post, I've been planning to correct and update my old posts, publish some of the countless posts that have been sitting in the draft pile, as well as throw in some new and original material.
Now that my tenth crazy roommate is gone, and my mom is back home from visiting, I feel the urge to re-develop my blogging habits -- better and more sustainable ones, at that!
I must go now, children. It appears that Lucas -- I mean, Superhero Lou Ryan -- has just said to me, "Are you ready for the greatest dinner ever?"
Don't mind if I do!
After four years of being made to feel unsafe, unwelcome and unwanted in my own dwelling, and facing considerable opposition to my ability to think, learn, complete tasks, plan, organize and sleep, I have learned the importance of sticking with mechanical henchmen as opposed to unpredictable human roommates.
` I have also learned that I am more willing to continue to be the victim to the point of constant suicide contemplation than I am willing to stand up for myself (and possibly give myself away).
` This greatly disappoints me, and it's clear that I don't have what it takes to be a mad scientist, so I've relegated myself to 'mad science writer', hence the title change of this blog.
Granted, I have always had Superhero-Rockstar Lou Ryan there for me, to help me through tough times, but I remind myself that the only reason I suffered so much was because I couldn't make myself move away and stop helping him make rent each month on his production company.
` Everyone else on the production team started getting addicted to drugs and replacing their money with destructive behavior and left. To fill in the empty rooms, we moved in others who eventually wrought their own havoc.
` However, not having had time to learn how to be anything more than a victim of household adversity, I continued being a victim. My ability to function, much less enjoy myself or be creative, was eventually sapped right out of me.
And no minions there to help me!
Now is the time for change. I may have had to sell all my henchmen and lab equipment in order to catch up on debts, but I now have new privacy, a desk, a functioning computer, and enough peace and quiet to be able to hear myself think, read comprehensively, and even sleep at night.
` Those daily struggles I used to face on top of attending college with no prior school experience took my brain down to the level of only surviving to the next day -- planning was a pipe dream.
` There was very little guarantee that any of my plans would not be halted, for example, by someone who needed a ride or a babysitter for that moment, and most of all by those who detested me for not being gracious for the short and unpredictable breaks they gave me to do things like sleep or homework, though they didn't give me time to think or act deliberately beyond survival habits.
` Planning just wasn't a realistic option. My daily planner had to be re-written every half-hour, and the only thing I was capable of completing was sweeping the floor, doing laundry, or showering -- routine tasks that I could do without thinking.
When you live with constant menaces, you don't notice or react to them as much. Thankfully, I have a new perspective now that the would-be-cat-killer roommate has practically been hauled off by the cops, and I expect to not have any more roommates in the foreseeable future.
That is why now is the time for change.
It's too bad that these years of self-discovery have led to living situations which resulted in my loss of internet habits, thus resulting in the lack of reasons for other people to visit my blogs, or for me to visit theirs.
I'm not surprised no one's said they're sick of Captain Disillusion yet, even though my last post all about him was amazingly uncreative and unthoughtful.
` I did discover that the actor's name is Allen something-or-other a couple of weeks ago... I'll get you, Allen! Mua ha ha ha haaaa!
However, since before my last post, I've been planning to correct and update my old posts, publish some of the countless posts that have been sitting in the draft pile, as well as throw in some new and original material.
Now that my tenth crazy roommate is gone, and my mom is back home from visiting, I feel the urge to re-develop my blogging habits -- better and more sustainable ones, at that!
I must go now, children. It appears that Lucas -- I mean, Superhero Lou Ryan -- has just said to me, "Are you ready for the greatest dinner ever?"
Don't mind if I do!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Captain Disillusion - much more YouTubeFamous than Lou Ryan!
Lou Ryan may have been the first superhero I've been impressed with, and the only one I've ever been engaged to, but he's not the first whose YouTube appearances I've applauded.
` Late last year, before our terrible troubles with crazy roommates, cops, and all that, I discovered the chrome-skinned internet crusader Captain Disillusion, an expert in digital special effects who has effectively debunked many fake YouTube videos.
` I began writing about him here, but forgot all about my post when things got too scary -- so let me start again: The first video he takes a look at is a penguin bitch-slapping another penguin into the ice. I instantly noticed the way the penguin's slapping wing looked that it was fake, but apparently not everyone caught this.
` In the words of CD, "The footage is posted dozens of times over on YouTube... and yet I have never, not once, seen a single comment propose that the video might be an artifical special effect, and that worries me...."
I hope he sets that girl straight with Santa Claus and all that! Now, that was a nice, pleasant little non-challenging episode, and I see that he did this one first because debunking it offends nobody, and watching it gives one a feel for his style.
` Very clever.
` Of course, the value of 'debunking' is actually showing people how they can be fooled. I've tried to do that here, but not in nearly such a cool way as an awesome video.
` And as for his second episode, he begins, "Tonight, I'd like to talk to you about how creepy you all are...." Yes, apparently we humans have an affinity for making somewhat clever fake ghost videos -- this one is the reflection of the Japanese girl who looks in the mirror and turns away... but her reflection doesn't!
` CD says, "Kids, I know that there are times when not believing something you see feels really, really wrong. But don't worry, that's just your brain adjusting to the nice cold bubble bath of healthy disillusion. It's better than staying in the hot, muggy gazebo of gullibility. Just relax, let the bubbles do their work."
` Mmmmm, bubbles! That, I like!
We will see our old friend Mr. Motion Tracking in future videos as well. I guess that was a simple one to figure out. But this next one... the next one is just too easy! So easy that Captain Disillusion is angry!
` "Alright, come on, I'm not really angry, come back. I'm more disappointed. Disappointed in you. That's right. Aw, don't cry. Sometimes, it doesn't seem to take any effort for someone to make you believe a hoax is real. No special effects, no testimony, no shaky cameras, just... context."
` Wow. This is incredibly dumb, but several YouTube commenters are freaked out as hell. It's just a dog looking out a window with some electric blinds that 'move by themselves'. Run for your life! And the YouTube poster wasn't even serious about it being supernatural, either!
Why did he 'debunk' a video that needs no debunking? This is CD's way of introducing his viewers to the concept of being expected to believe a video is paranormal because of context, not because of the actual content!
His next 'debunk' is quite the opposite -- a very convincing-looking video of an alien spacecraft! What surprised me the most about this one is that the creator of this video, Barzolff814, let it be known in the news media about how the entire video was computer-generated using View 6 Infinite, which comes with the palm tree clones seen in the video.
` It didn't matter, though -- some people were still convinced it was real and it really freaked them out.
` So then, Barzolff created another fake video that is meant to show the first one is fake -- some people who still believed the first video was real were tremendously offended by it, not realizing that the second video was fake!
` And then, of course, CD just had to do his own version....
This next video is quite different than the last two -- there's nothing supposedly paranormal about it, it's just two guys and a pair of sunglasses. One appears to throw sunglasses and the other seemingly catches them on his face, in all sorts of creative ways. But, how do they do it?
` After all, "Special effects are, above all, a source of entertainment, and when they're used for entertainment purposes, I love 'em. Enjoying cinematic puzzles and then trying to figure out how they were created is good for the brain."
It isn't until the 'Fire Angel' episode that we meet Captain Disillusion's semi-sidekick, Mr. Flare. And boy is he pissed off!
` "I'm simple and easy to get along with," says Mr. Flare, "but you know what? That doesn't mean I'm worthless and don't deserve recognition and respect!"
` Captain Disillusion tries to stop the refraction's rage; "And you really like to travel, right?"
` "I sure do! I've been all over the world and present at some of the most important events in history." We are shown photos of this same optical effect: "The 2006 night launch of the space shuttle discovery, the launch of any space thing, really, The Police reunion tour, the re-enactment of the world trade center reenactment of the Iwo Jima raising of the flag by the Lafatette High School cheerleading squad. Hell, I've met most of these kids watching, although you wouldn't know it from the way they act!"
` "All right now, Mist..."
` "I'm not finished! They don't want to give me my due credit! They'd rather believe I'm some paranormal orb or ghost or angel! Well, angel my big refracted a..."
` He's right; this 'Fire Angel' example really is silly, and I'd be pissed off, too if I were a lens flare!
You might remember a blog post I did a couple years ago about the 'Cuervo Chupacabra' news segments. The first one was so hyped-up that the news reporter didn't give much credence to the wildlife expert who identified it as a mangy canine. The second news segment was a solid ten minutes of sensationalism until they finally revealed the genetic analysis... coyote DNA!
` When news reporters find a mundane event and then hype the mystery instead of actually getting to the bottom of it, or even reporting the most obvious explanation, it's called 'fluff', and local news programs have a lot of these segments because they compete with one another as well as with entertainment shows.
` Captain Disillusion did a fine example of such exposure of what is obviously a bug crawling around on a security camera, in the following way: "Using the latest video editing technology, I've altered the famous segment about the gas station ghost caught on security camera into the way it should have been produced had the journalist actually done her job."
This is the funniest one yet! Can Captain D outdo himself? I'm afraid he does. There are all kinds of crazy things in episodes, though I was most interested in the first widescreen HD episode, where where he went to The Amazing Meeting 6.
` The key speaker was physicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and all his skeptical colleagues were there, including the hilarious co-hosts of my favorite podcast The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe, and the eccentric masters of illusion Penn and Teller.
` Captain D also exposes how a TV show in Germany plagiarized his footage of the sunglasses-catching analysis. Mr. Flare says; "I sure hope nobody floods them with angry emails!"
` After TAM, CD moves onto a home movie with low FLV compression, and shows how such low quality can do some strange things the producers offered prize money for duplicating. That was so incredibly simple-- and I've seen the same things on other low-quality videos! "Can I have the $25,000 now?"
` And then, of course... HOW DID HE DO THAT? He's Captain Disillusion, Penn and Teller in the same shot!
And his next episode co-stars famous skeptic and illusionist The Amazing Randi, for which The Amazing Meeting is named. Randi comes to the rescue after CD blows a gasket! (Actually, not really, it's just the script.)
` I think it's supposed to be kinda like Contact, although I don't remember that movie. In any case, I'm duly impressed by how Amazingly high Randi's pants are!
It's Vegas! But... wait.. it turns out that Randi's video debunk of the 'pantry ghost girl' wasn't quite right, either! That's right, all that production, and it still wasn't quite on the mark.
` Well, Mr. Flare wasn't "one to glow idly by while someone might be wrong on the internet!... So now, here to present the real answers, the guy who screwed it up in the first place...."
The last time I had checked out Captain Disillusion's website -- that would be for the first draft of this post -- this video had been the final one on the cue. Months had gone by, and I figured CD had planned something special.
` I was not disappointed -- finally, seven months after Pantry Ghost Girl, they finally finished producing the videos for TAM7, and there are five of them!
` Conveniently, they are all linked together by a... well, a link, shown near the end of the video, which gives you the opportunity to watch the next one. Watch out, though, it takes you to YouTube, so you'll have to backtrack if you want to get back to my blog.
At last, we get more into what TAMs are all about, and it's a parody of Mystery Science Theater 3000 to boot! I dig CD's silver skin! Oh yeah, and the shape-shifting shirt is pretty cool, too.
And yes, Michael Shermer really does sound like a muppet, I've seen him in person, as I've posted somewhere before on this blog.
In the second video, a dowser FAILS! And even worse, for CD anyway, Rebecca Watson, sexiest voice of Skeptic's Guide, gets married! NOOOOOOO!
Number three reveals what happens when scientific-minded people attempt performance art. "...The tsunami-like onslaught of noise! And the horrible, horrible silence." And, then, a Skepchick party! I dig the digitally-added drug paraphernalia, like the bong in Steven Novella's hand -- that's just too funny!
In number four, they discuss skepticism and ethics in stage magic. Teller and the others are seen discussing the ethics of Darren Brown's offering fake explanations for his illusions.
So finally, in number five, we get to Brown's fake explanation of using a group of volunteers to guess lottery numbers. But if we could really do that, a lot of people would!
` So how did Brown really predict the lottery numbers? He didn't. Apparently, CD has found that this trick involves the 'magic' of a motion control system!
` And then... Captain D's parody of the Carl Sagan remix Glorious Dawn! Love it!
Just last week, the most recent episode of Captain Disillusion was posted, in both 2D and 3D. He explores the 'Fantasy Files.' They appear to be football players doing amazing stunts to get you to put them on your Fantasy Football team -- but in fact, they are advertisements, and the ones Captain Disillusion looks at have really neat special effects!
` I also noticed that this one is called an 'Explanation' and not a 'Debunk'. It's true that a skeptic's job is to explore, not debunk, but in the world of fake YouTube videos it's the only thing one can wind up doing, because they're... well, bunk!
` So, let's check out the bunk... and a few crazy special effects frills, such as 70's green-screen technology!
Wait... is he implying that he has an illegitimate daughter? I ought to recruit her....
In the meantime, I've got to go. I have a lot of work to do, including creating more original content for this website -- I know what I should have done in the first place, and clean up my own 'exploring' act.
I'll be back with my plan once you have had enough of CD. And if you haven't had enough of him here, you can go to CD's YouTube channel for more videos, and perhaps by the time you are reading this post, there will be even newer ones!
` Late last year, before our terrible troubles with crazy roommates, cops, and all that, I discovered the chrome-skinned internet crusader Captain Disillusion, an expert in digital special effects who has effectively debunked many fake YouTube videos.
` I began writing about him here, but forgot all about my post when things got too scary -- so let me start again: The first video he takes a look at is a penguin bitch-slapping another penguin into the ice. I instantly noticed the way the penguin's slapping wing looked that it was fake, but apparently not everyone caught this.
` In the words of CD, "The footage is posted dozens of times over on YouTube... and yet I have never, not once, seen a single comment propose that the video might be an artifical special effect, and that worries me...."
I hope he sets that girl straight with Santa Claus and all that! Now, that was a nice, pleasant little non-challenging episode, and I see that he did this one first because debunking it offends nobody, and watching it gives one a feel for his style.
` Very clever.
` Of course, the value of 'debunking' is actually showing people how they can be fooled. I've tried to do that here, but not in nearly such a cool way as an awesome video.
` And as for his second episode, he begins, "Tonight, I'd like to talk to you about how creepy you all are...." Yes, apparently we humans have an affinity for making somewhat clever fake ghost videos -- this one is the reflection of the Japanese girl who looks in the mirror and turns away... but her reflection doesn't!
` CD says, "Kids, I know that there are times when not believing something you see feels really, really wrong. But don't worry, that's just your brain adjusting to the nice cold bubble bath of healthy disillusion. It's better than staying in the hot, muggy gazebo of gullibility. Just relax, let the bubbles do their work."
` Mmmmm, bubbles! That, I like!
We will see our old friend Mr. Motion Tracking in future videos as well. I guess that was a simple one to figure out. But this next one... the next one is just too easy! So easy that Captain Disillusion is angry!
` "Alright, come on, I'm not really angry, come back. I'm more disappointed. Disappointed in you. That's right. Aw, don't cry. Sometimes, it doesn't seem to take any effort for someone to make you believe a hoax is real. No special effects, no testimony, no shaky cameras, just... context."
` Wow. This is incredibly dumb, but several YouTube commenters are freaked out as hell. It's just a dog looking out a window with some electric blinds that 'move by themselves'. Run for your life! And the YouTube poster wasn't even serious about it being supernatural, either!
Why did he 'debunk' a video that needs no debunking? This is CD's way of introducing his viewers to the concept of being expected to believe a video is paranormal because of context, not because of the actual content!
His next 'debunk' is quite the opposite -- a very convincing-looking video of an alien spacecraft! What surprised me the most about this one is that the creator of this video, Barzolff814, let it be known in the news media about how the entire video was computer-generated using View 6 Infinite, which comes with the palm tree clones seen in the video.
` It didn't matter, though -- some people were still convinced it was real and it really freaked them out.
` So then, Barzolff created another fake video that is meant to show the first one is fake -- some people who still believed the first video was real were tremendously offended by it, not realizing that the second video was fake!
` And then, of course, CD just had to do his own version....
This next video is quite different than the last two -- there's nothing supposedly paranormal about it, it's just two guys and a pair of sunglasses. One appears to throw sunglasses and the other seemingly catches them on his face, in all sorts of creative ways. But, how do they do it?
` After all, "Special effects are, above all, a source of entertainment, and when they're used for entertainment purposes, I love 'em. Enjoying cinematic puzzles and then trying to figure out how they were created is good for the brain."
It isn't until the 'Fire Angel' episode that we meet Captain Disillusion's semi-sidekick, Mr. Flare. And boy is he pissed off!
` "I'm simple and easy to get along with," says Mr. Flare, "but you know what? That doesn't mean I'm worthless and don't deserve recognition and respect!"
` Captain Disillusion tries to stop the refraction's rage; "And you really like to travel, right?"
` "I sure do! I've been all over the world and present at some of the most important events in history." We are shown photos of this same optical effect: "The 2006 night launch of the space shuttle discovery, the launch of any space thing, really, The Police reunion tour, the re-enactment of the world trade center reenactment of the Iwo Jima raising of the flag by the Lafatette High School cheerleading squad. Hell, I've met most of these kids watching, although you wouldn't know it from the way they act!"
` "All right now, Mist..."
` "I'm not finished! They don't want to give me my due credit! They'd rather believe I'm some paranormal orb or ghost or angel! Well, angel my big refracted a..."
` He's right; this 'Fire Angel' example really is silly, and I'd be pissed off, too if I were a lens flare!
You might remember a blog post I did a couple years ago about the 'Cuervo Chupacabra' news segments. The first one was so hyped-up that the news reporter didn't give much credence to the wildlife expert who identified it as a mangy canine. The second news segment was a solid ten minutes of sensationalism until they finally revealed the genetic analysis... coyote DNA!
` When news reporters find a mundane event and then hype the mystery instead of actually getting to the bottom of it, or even reporting the most obvious explanation, it's called 'fluff', and local news programs have a lot of these segments because they compete with one another as well as with entertainment shows.
` Captain Disillusion did a fine example of such exposure of what is obviously a bug crawling around on a security camera, in the following way: "Using the latest video editing technology, I've altered the famous segment about the gas station ghost caught on security camera into the way it should have been produced had the journalist actually done her job."
This is the funniest one yet! Can Captain D outdo himself? I'm afraid he does. There are all kinds of crazy things in episodes, though I was most interested in the first widescreen HD episode, where where he went to The Amazing Meeting 6.
` The key speaker was physicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and all his skeptical colleagues were there, including the hilarious co-hosts of my favorite podcast The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe, and the eccentric masters of illusion Penn and Teller.
` Captain D also exposes how a TV show in Germany plagiarized his footage of the sunglasses-catching analysis. Mr. Flare says; "I sure hope nobody floods them with angry emails!"
` After TAM, CD moves onto a home movie with low FLV compression, and shows how such low quality can do some strange things the producers offered prize money for duplicating. That was so incredibly simple-- and I've seen the same things on other low-quality videos! "Can I have the $25,000 now?"
` And then, of course... HOW DID HE DO THAT? He's Captain Disillusion, Penn and Teller in the same shot!
And his next episode co-stars famous skeptic and illusionist The Amazing Randi, for which The Amazing Meeting is named. Randi comes to the rescue after CD blows a gasket! (Actually, not really, it's just the script.)
` I think it's supposed to be kinda like Contact, although I don't remember that movie. In any case, I'm duly impressed by how Amazingly high Randi's pants are!
It's Vegas! But... wait.. it turns out that Randi's video debunk of the 'pantry ghost girl' wasn't quite right, either! That's right, all that production, and it still wasn't quite on the mark.
` Well, Mr. Flare wasn't "one to glow idly by while someone might be wrong on the internet!... So now, here to present the real answers, the guy who screwed it up in the first place...."
The last time I had checked out Captain Disillusion's website -- that would be for the first draft of this post -- this video had been the final one on the cue. Months had gone by, and I figured CD had planned something special.
` I was not disappointed -- finally, seven months after Pantry Ghost Girl, they finally finished producing the videos for TAM7, and there are five of them!
` Conveniently, they are all linked together by a... well, a link, shown near the end of the video, which gives you the opportunity to watch the next one. Watch out, though, it takes you to YouTube, so you'll have to backtrack if you want to get back to my blog.
At last, we get more into what TAMs are all about, and it's a parody of Mystery Science Theater 3000 to boot! I dig CD's silver skin! Oh yeah, and the shape-shifting shirt is pretty cool, too.
And yes, Michael Shermer really does sound like a muppet, I've seen him in person, as I've posted somewhere before on this blog.
In the second video, a dowser FAILS! And even worse, for CD anyway, Rebecca Watson, sexiest voice of Skeptic's Guide, gets married! NOOOOOOO!
Number three reveals what happens when scientific-minded people attempt performance art. "...The tsunami-like onslaught of noise! And the horrible, horrible silence." And, then, a Skepchick party! I dig the digitally-added drug paraphernalia, like the bong in Steven Novella's hand -- that's just too funny!
In number four, they discuss skepticism and ethics in stage magic. Teller and the others are seen discussing the ethics of Darren Brown's offering fake explanations for his illusions.
So finally, in number five, we get to Brown's fake explanation of using a group of volunteers to guess lottery numbers. But if we could really do that, a lot of people would!
` So how did Brown really predict the lottery numbers? He didn't. Apparently, CD has found that this trick involves the 'magic' of a motion control system!
` And then... Captain D's parody of the Carl Sagan remix Glorious Dawn! Love it!
Just last week, the most recent episode of Captain Disillusion was posted, in both 2D and 3D. He explores the 'Fantasy Files.' They appear to be football players doing amazing stunts to get you to put them on your Fantasy Football team -- but in fact, they are advertisements, and the ones Captain Disillusion looks at have really neat special effects!
` I also noticed that this one is called an 'Explanation' and not a 'Debunk'. It's true that a skeptic's job is to explore, not debunk, but in the world of fake YouTube videos it's the only thing one can wind up doing, because they're... well, bunk!
` So, let's check out the bunk... and a few crazy special effects frills, such as 70's green-screen technology!
Wait... is he implying that he has an illegitimate daughter? I ought to recruit her....
In the meantime, I've got to go. I have a lot of work to do, including creating more original content for this website -- I know what I should have done in the first place, and clean up my own 'exploring' act.
I'll be back with my plan once you have had enough of CD. And if you haven't had enough of him here, you can go to CD's YouTube channel for more videos, and perhaps by the time you are reading this post, there will be even newer ones!
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