The Spanish Spongebobs: ¡Traducir los Bob Esponjas es muy divertido!

Believe it or not, this 'stupid video post' actually does have something to do with what I'm learning in college. I'm almost done with fall quarter, and am about to have the time to share my more serious articles, and even other schoolwork.
` But, for now, I thought, just to update this blog if nothing else, something of a less serious nature.

You see, October 19, 2010 was the best day ever of my life, because I had just gone through a childhood developmental stage attained by most people at 2 1/2 years old, thus acquiring some more efficient brain-processing skills. Unfortunately, my life quickly went downhill for other reasons despite this (i.e. I got the flu, my favorite cat died, etc).
` On the best day ever, however, I remembered having seen on YouTube the title, 'Spongebob Squarepants -- The Best Day Ever', so I found the 'sing-along' version on YouTube, which featured such strange sights as Spongebob with an oversized butt flying through the water, leaving behind a rainbow trail.

'Dare I speculate?' I thought, having never actually seen the show.

However, in the sidebar, I noticed another title, 'Bob Esponja -- El Mejor de Los Dias'! This Bob Esponja sounded eerily similar to Spongebob, but it was in Spanish-Spanish, that is, the kind of Spanish spoken in Spain. (The most noticeable feature is the pronunciation of 'c' and 'z' as a 'th' sound.)
` This one wasn't a sing-along video, it only had still pictures, and also the song was different because it only consisted of the first verse and then had a bunch of dialogue.
` I thought it might be fun to try to translate the dialogue, but it would help if I could see what was going on. It would also help if I had the Spanish lyrics, but when I looked them up online, they did not match the ones I'd heard!

And then, I found out why:

I was going around YouTube, looking for a version that shows the original video and came across a completely different translation of exactly the same song, in a different key, as sung by a much different-sounding Bob Esponja -- this one with a Latin American accent!

I later looked this up on Wikipedia -- sure enough, there are both a Spanish and a Latin American version of Bob Esponja! I don't know why that is, but it is.

The first thing that popped into my head was, 'Great! Now I can listen to both and compare the two and from that, figure out what they're saying!' You know, kind of like the idea behind deciphering the Rosetta stone, but with Bob Esponjas.

Amazingly, I managed, with the power of listening intently, to figure out that he was talking to his pet snail, who I knew was like a cat, about the new generation of Crab-burgers, fishing for jellyfish with Patricio (whom at least I knew must be the sea star, Patrick), having a karate session with 'Arenita', whom I figured must be the squirrel in the diving suit, and then going to the clarinet recital of 'Calamardo' whom I figured must be a squid.

That's seriously all I knew. I felt lost in this pursuit, however, so I decided to go around YouTube, watching videos, and was able to confirm that much of this made sense. As for the show, I didn't know quite what to make of it.
` And then, I saw the chocolate-selling scene with the dried-up old lady! "You just can't wait for me to die, can you?" It was wrong on so many levels...



Hooray for lying! This, of course, convinced me to start viewing the show on Netflix, which we had just subscribed to at the time. Importantly, I decided to use my newfound mental skills to analyze it as TV shows are meant to be analyzed!

I liked the way the characters play off one another, especially the way that Spongebob and Patrick so greatly annoy the sarcastic Squidward (Calamardo) the bald, middle-aged, self-absorbed, curmudgeonly octopus (i.e. not actually a squid) who fancies himself to be an artistic genius trapped in a dead-end job, and who secretly wants to join in their silly games because they're so happy, despite being innocent and lacking in intelligence, while he's not.
` I also quickly figured out that the stupidity seen in the show is not the punchline -- it's the way they make fun of the stupidity. The inappropriate wholesomeness reminded me of the very twisted Strangers With Candy series (about a graying former prostitute back in high school), whereas the parts with fast-paced flashbacks reminded me of Family Guy, and then the weird tangential stuff was reminiscent of Monty Python. Other parts were... well... more special. In a short bus sort of way.

My mental health will never be the same.

Anyway, the show did help me translate what was going on in the songs. And do you want to know what I came up with? Well, I think I did fairly well, considering I'm only in Spanish Level 2 and haven't even formally learned the future tense. Of course, my instructor also helped me, but still, I got most of it by myself, even parts she couldn't understand!

So, I'll present the Spanish-from-Spain translation first, along with the Latin American Spanish version, so you can actually listen, if you dare:



Ya ha salido el sol sólo para mí
The sun has come up just for me
?? Qué día va a ser tengo que salir
What a day it's going to be, I have to go out
Saltar al fin de felicidad
To jump, at last, for joy
Es lo que tu descubrirás
It is what you will discover,
!Todos es especialo! (!Este ya!)
Everything is special (This already!)

¡Ey, Gary!
Hi, Gary!
?Mrao?
Mrao?
Te preguntarás por que es el mejor dia a mi vida?
You would ask why it's the best day of my life?
Porque, Gary, voy a ?? este maravilloso día trayendo al mundo a toda
Because, Gary, I'm going to ?begin this marvelous day bringing to the whole world
una nueva generación de deliciosas ?burgers Cangreburgers!
a new generation of delicious ?burgers Krabby Patties

Seguida ?? una vigorizante sesión de karate con Arenita al mediodía,
It continues ?with an invigorating session of karate with Sandy at noon,
Y una tarde de caza de medusas con Patrício donde estrena mi
And an afternoon of catching? jellyfish with Patrick where he'll first use my
poseción más prefiere y nueva ¡El caze medusa profesionál de lujo!
most preferred and new posession; the profesional deluxe jellyfish hunter!

Y por el gran final, ¡todos mis amigos más intimos
And for the grand finale, all my best friends
nos reuniremos para el recital la clarinete de Calimardo!
(we) will come together for Squidward's clarinet recital!

¡Estoy tan emocionado que creo que voy a explotarrrr!
I'm so excited that I think that I'm going to explode!

¡Todos es especialooo! (¡Este ya!)
Everything is special-o! (This already!)


I don't know what 'especialo' means, but whatever -- if any Spanish-speaker would like to comment on my translations, it'd be great.
` Oh yes, that's right -- translations-plural!: If that wasn't enough for you, here's the Latin American version, which is slower and easier to understand, and thus a huge help in translating the Spanish-Spanish version:



El sol ha salido y me ha sonreído
The sun has come up and has smiled at me
Que sería buen día me ha prometido
What a good day it will be, promised to me!
Salté de la cama con mucha alegría
Jumped out of bed with much happiness
Sintiéndome cómo nunca y
I'm feeling like never before, and
¡El mejor día es! (Best day ever!)
It's the best day! (Best day ever!)

!Hola, Gary!
Hello, Gary!
?Mrao?
Mrao?
?Preguntas por que es mejor dia?
You ask why it's the best day?
Porque Gary, comenzaré este maravilloso día dando vida a
Because, Gary, this marvelous day will begin giving life to
una nueva generación de deliciosas Cangreburgers!
a new generation of delicious Krabby Patties!

Seguida por una vigorosa sessión de karate con Arenita
It continues for a vigorous session of karate with Sandy
Y una tarde pescando medusas con Patricio donde revelaré
And an afternoon jellyfishing with Patrick where I'll reveal
mi más ?presciente preciosada posesión; el atrapa-medusas de lujo profesional
My most ?prescient precious posession; the deluxe professional jellyfish trap!

Y para el gran final, iré con mis mejores amigos
And for the grand finale, I'll go with my best friends
a presenciniar recital de clarineta de Calamardo
to be present at Squidward's clarinet recital!

Estoy tan emocionado yo creo que voy a explotaaar!
I'm so excited I think I'm going to explode!

El mejor dia eeeessss! (Best day ever!)
It's the best day ever!


And right when I was putting my paper together, I happened to go on YouTube (yes, for research purposes!) and I actually found the English version of this song, with the same dialogue -- it's actually just the beginning of an episode.
` Unfortunately, it was taken down the day after, but while it lasted, I wrote down what's in the original video:

Mister Sun came up and he smiled at me!
(The sun actually comes through his window with a -- ARRRGH! -- hideously cute smile!)
Said, It's gonna be a good one, just wait and see!
(Awkward pause where Spongebob and the sun stare at each other, then then Spongebob's bed GOES UP IN FLAMES, and Spongebob escapes the creepy underwater sun's fire just in time, and goes running around on the outside of his pineapple house.)
Jumped out of bed, and I ran outside, feeling so extra-ecstatified!
It's the best day ever! (Best day ever!)

(Spongebob find his pet snail on the roof and says,) "Hey, Gary!"
(Gary says,) "Mrao?"
(We can see what Spongebob is thinking via the magic of thought balloons.) "Why is it the best day ever, you ask? Because, Gary, I get to start this wonderful day bringing life to a whole new generation of delicious Krabby Patties! Followed by a vigorous midday session of karate with Sandy! And an afternoon jellyfishing with Patrick, where I'll unveil my newest, most prized posession, the Deluxe Jellyslayer Composite Pro!" (Spongebob demonstrates its capturing powers on Gary.)
"And, for the grand finale, every one of my closest friends joining together for Squidward's clarinet recital! I am so excited I think I'm going to explode!" (Gary backs away for safety purposes.)

Spongebob explodes and keeps singing, "It's the best day everrr!" while dorking it up along his way to work, and he is in such a good mood that he fails to notice that his workplace is covered in yellow tape that says 'Condemned' and giggles like a moron when he puts his hand on the doorknob.
` The video ends before we see his reaction -- well, I wanna see the rest! Better order some more Spongebob!

While the good-quality English language version of that video is down, I at least found a bad quality Latin American Spanish version of it... at least you can see what I was talking about.



Anyway, translating this all was indeed one of my Spanish projects this quarter. I hope it was... uh... special enough for you.

And if you think this was a horrible idea for a post, just remember that part of the reason I like Spongebob is because I went to Retard School and I have a tendency to love laughing at retards.

In any case, I have my Spanish class to blame!

Yeah, I'm blaming it on my education!

Hey... wait a second!

I just remembered, I left out one of my favorite characters. He's into world domination, like me -- it's Plankton, the one-eyed copepod! He also has an A.I., his computer wife, Karen, and a secret lab at the Chum Bucket, a restaurant nobody goes to because the food is that bad!
` Unfortunately, most of the Spongebob clips on YouTube are really not worth watching, so this was the best I could do:

Here's what happens when Plankton tries to be buddies with Spongebob -- of course, he's actually after Mr. Krabs' secret Krabby Patty recipe... but what they don't know is that Mr. Krabs is watching!

F is for Fire that burns down the whole town,
U is for Uranium bombs,
N is for No survivors...



Spongebob is such a moron, it hurts, and it hurts so much that I have that tingly sensation... no, it shouldn't stop!

Uhhhh....

This reminds me, I'll need to be getting back into gear for world domination soon. Be expecting that.

And, as a reward for making it all the way down to the bottom, I also found a video that reminds me of the Good Ol' (not really) Ghetto Days. Here's three short episodes of what Spongebob Squarepants would be like if all the characters came from the crackhouse I used to live at!

Are you ready, stoners? Ooooohhhhh... (cough! cough!) hold on, 'kay? Oooooohhhh, who lives in a bong in a dormitory?
SpongeBong HempPants
Disgusting and green and sticky is he....



Yes, for real!

I'm so sorry if this post is lame. Which it isn't. But if it were lame, I would apologize.

Ahhhh, I'm feeling more like myself now!

Well, I must be on my way. Finally, I'll have a real post next. But which one? There are so many to choose from by now....