I started this blog because I had given myself the freedom to self-determination in life, and that was exciting. I was finally starting to take on the world for the purpose of taking over the world, no amount of abuse, torture, lack of education, lack of socialization, or indifference of other people would stand in my way.
After four years of being made to feel unsafe, unwelcome and unwanted in my own dwelling, and facing considerable opposition to my ability to think, learn, complete tasks, plan, organize and sleep, I have learned the importance of sticking with mechanical henchmen as opposed to unpredictable human roommates.
` I have also learned that I am more willing to continue to be the victim to the point of constant suicide contemplation than I am willing to stand up for myself (and possibly give myself away).
` This greatly disappoints me, and it's clear that I don't have what it takes to be a mad scientist, so I've relegated myself to 'mad science writer', hence the title change of this blog.
Granted, I have always had Superhero-Rockstar Lou Ryan there for me, to help me through tough times, but I remind myself that the only reason I suffered so much was because I couldn't make myself move away and stop helping him make rent each month on his production company.
` Everyone else on the production team started getting addicted to drugs and replacing their money with destructive behavior and left. To fill in the empty rooms, we moved in others who eventually wrought their own havoc.
` However, not having had time to learn how to be anything more than a victim of household adversity, I continued being a victim. My ability to function, much less enjoy myself or be creative, was eventually sapped right out of me.
And no minions there to help me!
Now is the time for change. I may have had to sell all my henchmen and lab equipment in order to catch up on debts, but I now have new privacy, a desk, a functioning computer, and enough peace and quiet to be able to hear myself think, read comprehensively, and even sleep at night.
` Those daily struggles I used to face on top of attending college with no prior school experience took my brain down to the level of only surviving to the next day -- planning was a pipe dream.
` There was very little guarantee that any of my plans would not be halted, for example, by someone who needed a ride or a babysitter for that moment, and most of all by those who detested me for not being gracious for the short and unpredictable breaks they gave me to do things like sleep or homework, though they didn't give me time to think or act deliberately beyond survival habits.
` Planning just wasn't a realistic option. My daily planner had to be re-written every half-hour, and the only thing I was capable of completing was sweeping the floor, doing laundry, or showering -- routine tasks that I could do without thinking.
When you live with constant menaces, you don't notice or react to them as much. Thankfully, I have a new perspective now that the would-be-cat-killer roommate has practically been hauled off by the cops, and I expect to not have any more roommates in the foreseeable future.
That is why now is the time for change.
It's too bad that these years of self-discovery have led to living situations which resulted in my loss of internet habits, thus resulting in the lack of reasons for other people to visit my blogs, or for me to visit theirs.
I'm not surprised no one's said they're sick of Captain Disillusion yet, even though my last post all about him was amazingly uncreative and unthoughtful.
` I did discover that the actor's name is Allen something-or-other a couple of weeks ago... I'll get you, Allen! Mua ha ha ha haaaa!
However, since before my last post, I've been planning to correct and update my old posts, publish some of the countless posts that have been sitting in the draft pile, as well as throw in some new and original material.
Now that my tenth crazy roommate is gone, and my mom is back home from visiting, I feel the urge to re-develop my blogging habits -- better and more sustainable ones, at that!
I must go now, children. It appears that Lucas -- I mean, Superhero Lou Ryan -- has just said to me, "Are you ready for the greatest dinner ever?"
Don't mind if I do!