The Amazing Exploding Sea Vagina -- MYSTERY SOLVED!

I thought I'd already posted this last week, but since I have not, there's been more dead space than intended, and also, this is new to you!
` This video was brought to my attention by my former roommate Mike, only a couple of weeks before he and Joel moved out. (We have a new roommate moving in today already!) He asked me if I thought it was real. It is fairly obvious to me that two different types of special effects are used, as neither type even registered to me as being the same 'creature'.
` First, CG is apparently responsible for the several 'creatures' as they rush over the rock and out of view. Then, a realistic puppet is used for the one that isn't escaping but rather sitting quite still. When the young men flip it over, it has no apparent way of moving so quickly, but rather, some sort of vagina-like opening, which they then pour soda into until it squirts, then explodes.
` I said it looked like some sort of professional grade special effects, probably with some sort of overt sexual message, but I had no clue what the purpose of it would be. Watch for yourself:



Oh yes, there were many comments along the lines of "she squirts!" and so forth. Some people thought that these things were real, citing the fact that new species are being discovered all the time, and that the squirting/exploding looks so real that it can't be CG.
` Those things are beside the point -- the one that squirts/explodes is a puppet, and you can see the way they edited the close-ups that they're probably hiding people's hands or perhaps other mechanisms controlling the puppet.

I wasn't sure what else to make of it, and the only person I could think of to ask was....



That's his latest video -- he says he has another on the way. Can't wait! I posted my question on his Facebook page, and here's what happened:

• 

  Nicholas Gunther Schaefer I believe that this may have been an attempt to find a loophole in the Japanese law requiring genitalia to be pixelated in porn.

  January 29 at 7:51pm ·
• 

  Spoony Quine I've never heard of Japanese porn being pixellated, from uh, colorful descriptions I've heard, yes, that's it, but you know, that's a good point: They might be doing this to see how much they can get away with! I mean, come on, it even squirts realistically! Lolol!

  January 30 at 5:45pm ·
• 

  Captain Disillusion Uh, nice guesses :P. But looks like this is one of a series of short films by famous Japanese horror producer Taka Ichise (The Ring, The Grudge). It's called "Mystery Meatballs" and you can watch the full version (and the other films) here: http://www.urahorror.com/

THANKS CAPTAIN D!!! He's the greatest, isn't he, folks? (Mystery Meatballs is up on the right-hand stack of TVs on that web page.) I gotta hug that guy, seriously. He's the best. He goes to TAM every year, I think, so maybe I'll meet him when I finally go there!

I almost forgot - Randi and Penn and Teller

I'm experiencing a Sinus Malfunction at the moment, so instead of writing something clever about my having taken over the Corrigendopedia, I began watching these videos I was going to post last month.

One thing led to another, and I've finally finished the post!

So, comedian/magician/skeptic duo, Penn and Teller are at The Amazing Meeting 3 with James 'The Amazing' Randi! (Hey, an exclamation point. Could I be excited?"
` Penn says that their skeptic show Bullshit "really springs from the heart and the energy from Randi, and we're just the vessels that carry it on".

Right. That must be the reason why they have proceeded to play a hilarious little trick on him. Randi is stumped in front of the world at last!



Poor Randi.

So, now we move onto the Q & A: Penn relates the story of pitching the idea of Bullshit, with unfortunate timing after the terrorist attacks, telling those who are in charge to remember that when the psychic-charlatan John Edward was "pissing and dancing" on the graves of the 9/11 attack victims to cash in on people's grief, the world will be needing a show like Bullshit.
` They received several phone calls when John Edward indeed made this claim.

Here is even something I've always wondered about; why do they use the word 'Bullshit'? Because it sounds like an insult rather than a rational argument.
` "Who among us," Penn says, "can go to court to prove that you're not an asshole?"



From the small world of Shotime viewers at least, most of the letters were overwhelmingly positive, often starting with; 'I'm an atheist, thanks for not insulting my intelligence'.
` Wow! A percentage of the population really loved them! A new minority demographic, perhaps somewhat like when TV producers realized there were more than just white people?

Also, Teller talks about his experience recording (yes, recording) his part in The Simpsons. Yes, it really was him. But he really does love being thought of as silent!

Also mentioned is the fact that lot of Penn and Teller's crew seem to be doing penance for working on supernatural shows. Now when they interview the same people they had before, the footage is edited a bit differently!




The fourth video is missing! But, the fifth video is partly about why doing a Scientology episode might not be a good idea.
` Also, we are informed, some of the episodes are silly and mostly for fun because it helps them make money to do higher-quality episodes.

Penn explains his belief that it is the liberal religious people who set the framework for the nuts to be able to take religion literally. He is also troubled that the word 'fundamentalist' makes it okay to make fun of religious people and southern culture.



What is religion? A Unitarian Universalist in the audience speaks up and proceeds to discuss the 'sloppification' of the word religion. Penn makes some clarifications.




Does Penn prefer to preach to the choir? No. He explains it this way: "I believe that your job in the world is to tell the truth as you see it and if you start thinking that you can manipulate other people and speak to them in their terms, that always gets close to condescension, to me."

Teller notes that he has seen so many people who had become fans of the dignified skeptical movement after being introduced to it by him and Penn!

Penn may not have any superstitious belief, but surely he has political beliefs? Indeed.... "I believe that people are basically good, I believe the idea of personal property... how I make my political beliefs is very hard to lay out. ... My chances of being wrong about politics are so much higher than my chance being wrong about religion, and I was probably wrong about that, and I was wrong about secondhand smoke...."

And that's just a snippetto of that.



Ahhhh... it has come time for me to hit the hay. I must say, that was so much nicer than continuing to fry my brain.
` Actually, I would have done all this hours ago, but Lou Ryan was using this computer to watch a movie, so I went to make some tea, but there was no sugar, so I drove to the store to buy some... you get the idea.

Now it's time for bed! Good night, everyone! Hopefully my home-made sinus remedy works. If not, I may have to deal with a lovely blue nasal discharge for some time....

Getting back on track...

Before the big move, I'd introduced myself on a very fun forum and had expected to, by now, be posting all about my interesting discussions. However, I haven't been online much - in fact, my artificial intelligence, MAL, is still sitting in the corner, covered with yet more sawdust from all the modifications being made to the new lab.
` This piece is actually my introduction on the forum for The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe - one of the most entertaining and highly rated podcasts - period. Give it a listen today! Not wanting to have to write any new material, I instead consolidated all of my earlier introductions in other forums into one giant mess - and then thought it was really too amusing to clean up.
` Perhaps I should have... then again, I always tend to regret the times I don't write something bizarre. Maybe it's the loneliness. Anyway, I present to you; a deeply revealing and entertaining review of... myself. It may surprise you!


Determined future skeptical leader seeks skeptical community for companionship, achieving goals, pie


Greetings everyone here, which may include Novella cubed, Bernstein, Watson, not to mention that Mike guy. I'm keeping my eye on you, Mike!!

My name is (initially, ha!) S E E Quine, but you can call me Dr. Nociceptor (or Spoony, thanks to James Randi's influence) and I am here in this forum to provide rich, chocolatey input.

And a complementary life history, because damn it, there's tons of them lying around here!

Let's just say I used to be the the kind of person who would say; "Well, most scientists are just closed-minded, but you'll see!" and was actually on a destructive path towards Ramtha (that JZ Knight lady talking in a funny voice).

I blame it on bad parenting. No, seriously. My family. You would never believe the stuff I could tell you, seeing as you'd require evidence, and that was stolen by the most psychotic family member of all! Honest!

It's a conspiracy I tell ya!

Okay, cutting the crap; I was already an avid science (and also pseudoscience) reader, and caught skepticism sometime around the millennium from reading Skeptics and True Believers, so you can chalk my presence here up to Mr. Chet Raymo.

In order to put all of my sacred cows to pasture, writers like Gardner, Shermer, Pinker, Sagan, etc. were getting my dollar - their books and articles were so inspiring that I had to write a movie about skepticism and science, despite the fact that I was just an average citizen, clueless about the movie-making industry (and writing, for that matter).

Before I could do that, however, I had a pretty rough couple of weeks involving sharp, pointy objects ripping into my flesh and bone, imprisonment with no food, water, or medical help, and constant injections of brain-altering drugs.

We all know that one, right?

I fled in terror to the Pacific Northwest *waves eastward towards the Rogues like a huge dork* and for a while, lived next to a natural foods Co-Op where I fell in love with Skeptic magazine, which could be found on the shelves amidst periodicals in praise of psychics, naturopathy, and BuddhaDharma knows what else.
` One day I couldn't find any Skeptic on the shelves and asked a manager why: She said the Co-Op had only been selling one issue per month. *Ahem*
` Depressing, yes?

I've been blogging about science and skepticism for a few years now, among other things exposing Ramtha by trying to explain just how quantum physics really works, not to mention 'what the bleep' bait and switch tactics are being used.

I say 'trying to' because a); I sucked back then and b); one of the commenters (the 'anonymous' one, as usual) was hopeless and produced my very favorite pathetic hate-comment ever: 'Go lick your girlfriend Your "critical thinking" is a joke. Go get an education before you make yourself anymore of an idiot.'

A true badge of honor!

Today, I am part of a budding film production company, Lou Ryan Productions, complete with many multi-talented people, and have since started up a new, more amazing screenplay for a brand-new genre of movie; the 'skepticomedy science fiction'!

You know, the kind where the main character is a charlatan and has a sister who believes in the charlatanism, plus an entire civilization of people whose way of life is based on science? Oh, and aliens with incomprehensible anatomy. Can't forget those.

In addition, I'm about to try building a website, partly based on old blog entries, called the Corrigendopedia. Sloagan: 'If you'd learned it right the first time, we wouldn't be having this conversation.'

Not only that, but ever since the whole pointy sharp pain incident messed me up, I've been secretly studying to be a mad scientist. For real. I have evidence!

Okay, that's a drawing of a photograph. You all believe me, right?

As Dr. Nociceptor, I intend to dish out said rich, chocolatey input for my fellow skeptical (and maybe not so skeptical) forum members, and also hope to obtain support for my crazy scheming and plotting to educate the American public - I mean, to take over the world - I mean, um, educate the American public.

I hope to get to know you forum peoples, including, Rebecca, Jay, Bob, Evan, Steve, and of course that other guy! I love you all! You know, as a skeptic.

Sincerely, with extra deep dark chewy love,

Spoony Quine

...Which rhymes with 'wine', for the record, as introducing myself as 'S E E Quine' somehow mysteriously causes people to assume my last name is, naturally, Quinn.
` "Quinn, huh?" they'll say, or even worse; "Like Dr. Quinn?"
` I call it 'Quine's Law', which, if my predictions are correct, will be bastardized into 'Quinn's Law'.

Thank you.

P.S.: My movie will include such scientifically accurate features as inaudible explosions in space. Does anyone out there have some other 'sci-fi movie inaccuracy' they'd like to be made right on the big screen? Thanks!!

P.P.S: Yes, my presence really is this large in real life.

P.P.P.S.: That pie had better be good!


I was worried for a moment that I'd gone too far in hitting everyone over the head with my presence. The next time I was able to log in, however, I was pleased to see I'd gotten a reply:

Well holy scary!! The Doctor seems to be in!! Welcome.

Whereabouts in the PacNW did you flee? (Im in odd but lovable ol' Seattle myself)

-=Identity 4=-

Then, I actually replied to this, and later noticed that Identity 4 had broken up my reply and responded to it like so:

Quote

Hello Identity 4! You must be the fourth Identity!

Only of myself. *bows* You may have a mad scientist to contend with, but i have to put of with 4 different me's.

Quote

` I'm up here in Ever-wet with five henchmen, two fuzzy creatures, and we're about to move out of our 15 x 20 foot apartment into my lab across town! It's so rad!

Everett?? Hows the view of CANADA from there? Haha... Cuz you are NORTH...WAY north.

Quote

And all this time you had no idea any of this was going on so close!

I THOUGHT i heard odd metal gnashing noises in the night...i thought that was just Boeing..

Quote

` Anything exciting going on down there in the city?

Not really...just business as usual. Looking forward to some nice skepticism at the pub next Tuesday. Im actually a bit south of the city...in Mall-shootingly wonderful southcenter!

Best luck in the lab, I'll keep my eye out for that escaped frankenstein monster...

-=Identity 4=-

Anyway, that's about the end of that.
` Skeptics in the Pub, though... I've heard of those and probably ought to check that out! In the meantime, I have a third job to find and much housework and remodeling to be done.
` At this very moment, Lou Ryan is completing the walls in which he has recently installed three windows. It's so nice to have complete thermal protection from the cold, wind and rain once again.
` You know, lab equipment runs so much smoother when it's protected by walls.

I'll be back.

You must watch Dr. Horrible - and right now you can see it all!

And, if you've seen it already, you might be tempted to watch it again! In any case, this is for you, my unwilling subjects, to be subjected to!

Yeah I know... post numero tres having to do with Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. What's the big deal? Why have I suddenly started acting like some kind of horny fan girl? Am I really that pathetic? Don't I have anything better to write about?

` Yes I do - and I have been - but it's like this;

` I didn't expect to be able to even watch it again without paying five bucks on iTunes, but I just happened to see Dr. Horrible on MySpaceTV: And this only because of a very rare occurrence - roomie number 1, B-Dizzle, needed to do something online, or otherwise I would have not found it when I did.

"What?" I thought at the title. "Surely it can't be the actual musical... the whole thing...." Oh yes, it's being hosted on Hulu a magical land where there are actually more viewing options than on my blog.

Then, I showed it to my roomie number 2, Director Nathan Lee (having permanently moved in yesterday), who, being a wacky filmmaker and all - thought that it was brilliant. That's right. He thought it was brilliant, while I had to bribe Lou Ryan just to watch it (yes, with sexual favors!), and he just made fun!

Maybe it's a superhero thing?
` However, when Lou Ryan walked into the room, he became glued to the screen and eventually - once we got the glue off - he agreed with Nate.

Anyway, I thought I'd cram this post in ASAP instead of finish the one I was working on last night - considering that it can be done in a few minutes instead of hours. Also, I had a really long day at work, having to sub for someone else, so I don't have time anyway.

` And now I have a blue eyed fuzzball sitting on my lap, purring and licking my face, so I had better go - they can be quite a handful. Pth! Creature hair!

Dr. Horrible: Not only does he blog, he's a lip-syncher!

` Available for free until July 20th! I would have told you earlier if I'd known. So glad to be able to view this! I present to you... the story of Dr. Horrible and its sing-alongedness! I must say, it reminds me somewhat of another musical, the South Park movie, except without all the crudity.

` In Act 1, We meet our protagonist, Dr. Horrible, a fellow struggling evil scientist villain person, see his interests in life, and we laugh at the whole thing because it's so really strange.

` In Act 2, the laundry really hits the fan and we begin laughing even harder. Woo hoo, that superhero is too much for me!

` In Act 3, we see what happens ultimately and pee our pants laughing! And then... the shocking conclusion! It's a little bit like Batman Begins, except... it's about Dr. Horrible.

` Genius!! Did they like, steal my whole mad scientist life and change the characters around? I'm serious! Wait a second... those bastards! Oh, but a lot of that stuff never made it to blogland (due to my mental instability)... well, they must be stalkers then!
` Oh yeah, I gotta say thanks to the ever-bizarre Morgetron for actually giving me the whole heads up about it! I know, I don't get out much myself in internet land....
` Check it out! And fast, if you don't want to have to pay a tiny amount of money to see it... well, I'd honestly pay seven bucks, that's how good I thought it was!

` By the way, still working on my next post, which is as huge and bloated as they come! Except for today... I'm off to Mount Pilchuck! Hopefully there's plenty of snow to cool down in up there.... (I love the Pacific Northwest!)


Update: Now that it's only available on iTunes, I'm really annoyed because I downloaded iTunes and it won't let me set up an account. Here's my problem: I tried to sign in using my gmail address. The iTunes thing says my gmail account is already being used for another account, but if I want, it can email me my password so I can sign in!
` So, I tell it to send my password... except it says that it's actually sending this email to my Yahoo email account (which currently has exactly 1800 messages).
` Alright. So, I go to my Yahoo account awaiting the email. Doesn't show up. I try again and again, but no emails anywhere! This is probably why I don't have an iTunes account now; there's nothing I can do if I don't remember my password!
` And now I'm stuck for all eternity.... Until I make another email account to I can sign in to iTunes.
` iLife.
` But I won't let that overshadow the greatness of Dr. Horrible. He's just a step ahead of me! I wanted to write about all the parallels between us, but actually attempting that very thing just got a little weird and tedious and maybe bordering on seeming fanaticism.
` However, for your enjoyment, I did manage to dig up some old Dr. Nociceptor material that you might just find on my art blog soon. (It really reminds me of Dr. Horrible a lot, and this is mostly the reason why I'm interested in him! I mean... interested in... his blog... er... never mind.)

Funniest. Scathing. Video. Ever.

` This is thanks to hilarious oddball Morgetron, whose blog is full of Tres Bizarrity. Normally I don't deal with politics here, but at the moment, this blog is the only one even slightly in need of an update.
` Great rationale, huh? I'm sure by now that most people in this country are so sick and tired of the disaster that is the Bush presidency that I figure it's safe to put a video up here, just for laughs.
` And when I say 'laughs', well, Lou Ryan and B-Dizzle just about suffocated from laughter and Lou demanded to know the URL of the video so he could email it to a bunch of people. I mention this because I don't think he's ever reacted that way to a video before!
` So please, laugh away!



` Oh yeah, and this goes with it, if you want to know more about what the hell they're talking about. I hope it should be obvious by now....

Darn that critter!

Sorry I'm so late with this! I'm just now finishing up with Finals week and I've been incredibly sick (...continuously, for over a month now).

I just wanted to share with you a little stunt my critter, codenamed 'Vada' has done while she was out trying to take over the world.
` On May 30, I was walking up to the Way that is Safe and could not help but notice the flock of helicopters circling near the store. Soon, I noticed that the traffic through the main drag on Rucker Avenue was being diverted through the ghetto.
` Well, I often take my camera outside with me in case of strangeness, so I was thinking that perhaps it had paid off that day. (Note: This street rarely has any more than one car on it at a time.)

alteredtraffic Because of a complete lack of traffic on Rucker Avenue, I could cross the street outside of the crosswalk, away from all the noise of the intersection. I got a really good view of why it had been roped off, though I didn't bother taking a photo of the gruesomeness until I was mostly hidden in the parking lot.... (The horror! Can you believe the price of gas? And it's gotten worse!)

accident I didn't think of it much until after I'd done my shopping and was back on the other side of the street, where I managed to take another photo without looking like an ass. (I hope... one lady did scowl at me while I momentarily pulled out my camera in the store in order to reach my wallet.)

roadster Apparently those kit cars aren't all that sturdy, as the driver found.

ouch What's strange is that there's a partial chalk outline on the sidewalk... perhaps the police had begun making before they realized he wasn't dead! (Or it was made for insurance purposes....)

` But what caused the accident to begun with?

` A couple of days later, superhero Lou Ryan and I found the critter hiding in the basement. Great, we thought; she was finally home! However, Vada was very unwilling to come near us - we had to chase her all around!
` I became highly suspicious that she was trying to hide from the authorities.

` As she would not tell us anything, we had no choice but to resort to torture....

onemorepic When the nipple-pinching was too much for her (now that her giant fat belly had disappeared), Lou Ryan and I determined that Vada was guilty of using her Alien Cat Mind Control to make the driver of the Roadster careless enough to speed through an intersection.
` This is exactly why we have to keep a leash on these critters when they go outside. We can't have them wreaking havoc without our approval!

Erich von Däniken vs. All of Archaeology

When you see something that mystifies and intrigues you, the best response is to investigate and learn more. The worst response is to simply make up a story and sell it to the public as a matter of fact.

Keep those points in mind.

I used to believe that ancient peoples must have encountered space aliens because I had a very limited idea of what was 'normal' among archaeological findings. I didn't know anything about the everyday cultures of people who lived thousands of years ago, what their interests were, nor was I familiar with their artwork. I was an utter layman who didn't know what to expect, nor what not to expect.

So, of course I believed the man who said that certain archaeological finds were 'unexplainable' unless one assumes that extraterrestrials were involved. This man is Erich von Däniken, author of Chariots of the Gods?, and he has been confusing other utter laymen for the past few decades.

How is he confusing them? Let's look at the first example in:

Erich von Däniken vs. The Ancient Egyptians

For a couple of centuries now, Egyptologists have been learning about how and why the Ancient Egyptians built their pyramids, and by now they have constructed a pretty clear picture. This is a very important point, and here are the basics:

The Development and Building of Ancient Egypt's Pyramids

First of all, ancient Egyptians believed that as long as your body is preserved on earth, your spiritual aspects are preserved in the afterlife. Thus, it was of great importance for the ancients to make sure their bodies were not destroyed, as well as to supply their spirit forms with sustenance. This was the purpose of mummification (which ironically involves removing the heart and the brain), spirit offerings, and protective tombs.

Originally, the nobility and royalty both employed mastabas, which are low tombs with sloped sides and flat roofs. Pharaoh Djozer may have been the first person to revolutionize the tombs of royalty by having his chief architect, Imhotep, create a stack of six mastabas, each one smaller than the last. The finished 'step pyramid', shimmering in its limestone casing, was over 330 feet tall.

Step pyramids continued to be built until the next revolution, during Sneferu's reign. Not much is known about Sneferu (or Seneferu), though his listing on the Palermo Stone notes that he had many boats built and had sent forty ships to fetch cedar wood from Lebanon. Such high-quality wood was essential in the making structures such as temples and pyramids.

Sneferu apparently inherited the Meidum (or Maydum) Step Pyramid from his father, Pharaoh Huni, and 'filled in' the steps with limestone to make the sides straight. He also made the first (originally) smooth-sided pyramid, the Bent Pyramid, which began construction with sides at a 55-degree angle.

About 150 feet up, he switched angles to a shallower 43 degrees, resulting in a literally 'bent' pyramid. This change of plan may actually be due to observation of the structural failings of the Meidum Pyramid's limestone casing, or other instabilities associated with steep sides.

His next pyramid, the Red Pyramid, was built entirely at the shallower angle of 43 degrees, setting the standard for all pyramids built after that! Such stable sides were essential for his ill-reputed son, Khufu (a.k.a. Cheops), to be able to build the five-hundred foot Great Pyramid, without it collapsing.

Beneath the surface, Khufu's pyramid was made by widely spacing large blocks of stone and filling the gaps with mortar and large, irregularly-shaped rocks. This fact was first discovered in the 1830s when Howard Vyse blasted a hole through the south wall of Khufu's pyramid while looking for another entrance.

We can now see thirty feet down that the core blocks were nothing like regular stairs, but rather a wide assortment of blocks of different heights. Khufu's son's giant pyramid was even more sloppy - the core is actually collapsing because the rocks aren't close enough together to brace one another. It was also built on uneven ground and the upper third of this pyramid was made completely of irregular stones.

Most likely, the core of these pyramids are actually step pyramids, as several other pyramid cores are known to be. Sand-filled chambers also have been found in the midst of pyramid cores, probably to cut down on the use of stone. Each step was probably built in chunks, and whenever one chunk was completed, the fill and smooth outer casing were probably added before moving onto the next section.

And just how did Ancient Egyptians accomplish this? One gigantic clue comes from the remains of ramps - and even whole ramps - at Meidum, Sekhemkhet, Dashur, Abusir, Abu Ghraib, and the (proper) Sinki pyramid. There are also two parallel mudbrick walls at Giza which may have once been filled with various tough materials, topped with clay to make a ramp.

The most obvious meaning of this would be that people dragged the pyramid blocks from quarries and up a sophisticated ramp system. Where were these quarries? There are hundreds of known quarries used by the ancient Egyptians, some of which are found near pyramids, others lying farther away, although with obvious routes of transport.

The world's oldest paved road is actually a route from a quarry to the north shores of the Fayoum Depression (which used to be a lake) where the basalt of most pyramids comes from. Every year when the Nile flooded and joined to the lake, transport boats could cross, taking the lake shore basalt into the Nile.

According to such depictions as a painting of rows of men pulling a giant statue (much larger than any pyramid block) with mere ropes (or cords?) and a giant wooden sled, it would seem obvious that these people had effective ways of transporting truly gigantic chunks of rock - without even using oxen or other beasts of burden!

As I've mentioned before, they had lots of material for making ropes, sleds and boats because at the time the Fertile Crescent was... well, fertile. There were trees everywhere, as well as wetlands full of reeds, water lilies and papyrus, and the Egyptians often imported cedar. The barren desert we see now is a relatively new thing.

Their probable mode of transport was still in use by Westerners in the 20th century: First, move the cut stone with a lifting jack onto a wooden sled and haul it across a wooden track. A small team of men or oxen could easily enough pull it across a flat expanse or up a gentle slope at walking pace. Going downhill was actually trickier because cords and poles were required to keep it from sliding over whoever was pulling it!

And that was just common everyday use for common everyday work projects: Scientists have also done this specifically to see how many Ancient Egyptians it took to move one-and two-ton blocks used in pyramids. Typically, not many - as few as eight men managed to haul a 2.5 ton block!

Also, the ancient Egyptians had a number of lever systems, as well as ways of hoisting blocks efficiently up tracks. The specifics, however, are unknown, but many possible systems have been devised by scientists trying to figure out just how it was done. These transport systems, I'll say, are very clever. So clever, in fact, that I'm not sure I can describe them, nor is it likely you'd be interested in reading my descriptions.

Let's just say that my 'partner in crime', Lou Ryan, saw one of these animations and said, "that's ridiculous! A pulley would be so much more efficient!" I countered by explaining to him that Ancient Egyptians apparently did not know about pulleys, though evidently there are many alternatives which they could have had!

There has been much material written about the marks on the stones and what they reveal about the tools and transport systems that were employed. Some of that comes from the many pictures drawn of people cutting rocks out of quarries with copper tools. On the pyramid blocks are indeed marks that came from these tools - first picks and later chisels - though the tools themselves have long since corroded.

Currently, it is thought that the Ancient Egyptian's copper quarrying tools may have been made drastically more effective and longer-lasting by adding sharp quartz sand, thanks to demonstrations by Denys Stocks that this works. Limestone, particularly, would have been easy to cut because it is soft while in the ground but hardens with exposure to air.

This work was all done, of course, by masses of workers, who lived in villages built solely for these projects. The first such village was found in 1888 by a team lead by Flinders Petrie around Senwosert II's pyramid complex. It was filled with rows of terraced mud-brick houses, and littered with pottery, clothing, papyri, tools, and even children's toys. Around the Giza complex lie the remains of a much larger town which housed the tens of thousands of workers needed for the Giza funerary structures.

Egyptologists generally agree that there were four thousand primary laborers who worked on the Great Pyramid - that would be everyone who cut the stones, hauled them up and placed them. This last group carved the dates into the stones as they were moved into place, as well as one of the worker teams, "Friends of Khufu".

There were about sixteen to twenty thousand secondary workers - those who made ramps, tools, mortar, and provided life necessities like food, clothing and beer. There also were temporary workers, who only worked for a few months at a time and apparently camped near the village.

Even the temporary workers were most likely given a standard substance ration of ten loaves and a measure of beer every day - and that's too much to eat in one day! The ones in charge got far more than that! However, the rations also probably were not given out in actual loaves of bread in one day - at least not all of them - but rather other goods, or even credits, of equal value. This probably resulted in a micro-economy of the pyramid village as people traded in what they didn't want or need for goods or services.

There was also a worker village cemetery, showing us a cross-section of the population, and giving clues to their living arrangements. Of the approximately 600 skeletons that have been examined, there's a 50-50 split between male and female individuals, and over 23% of these 600 skeletons were from babies and children. Also in this cemetery were the poor graves of temporary workers, along with the tools they had used in life.

The DNA extracted from these remains suggests that the workers came from different populations from all over Egypt, so a wide range of people were directly involved with, and paid by, Khufu. They may have volunteered for the project, or may have been randomly selected, but for sure - unlike what the Ancient Greek historian Herodotus tells us - at least the vast majority of these people were not slaves. (Nor were they Jews, as they had yet to make their appearance at this point in time.)

South of this town was a huge industrial complex that had a grid of paved streets dividing it up into blocks. Not many workers lived here; it was mainly meant for supplying the town. Among the installments found was a large copper-smelting plant for making tools such as those used in the quarries. There were at least two bakeries with hundreds of bread molds and a fish-processing plant full of the remains of thousands of fish.

In this place, as well as the pyramid town, are bones from their local livestock, the ducks, pigs and sheep. There are also the bones of prime cuts of beef from cows that were probably raised on the pastures of the Nile Delta and then herded to the complex.

From this, it is clear that there was an entire community created for constructing pyramids, though the Great Pyramid was merely the first pyramid on the Giza cemetery complex. Later on, one of Khufu's sons, Khaefre, had another gigantic pyramid built, and after that, Mankaura's much smaller Third Pyramid. (This was the start of another trend - after this all the pyramids were comparatively small to the Great Pyramid.)

So, what were these people doing? Egyptologists do know something about this because they've found architectural plans for making pyramids, and also the tombs of the supervisors contain inscriptions about their work and how the labor was divided and organized.

They described how the workforce at Giza was divided into crews of about 2,000 and then divided in half. Specifically in building the Third Pyramid, one half was named 'Friends of Mankaure' and the other, 'Drunkards of Menkaure'. Each of these were further divided into smaller groups of 200 workers. These were further split up into groups of about 20 and each of these had a project leader and a specific job.

For a while in Ancient Egyptian culture, beyond just building pyramids, the walls of both pyramids and temples were also perfectly aligned to the north, south, east and west. This is known to have been achieved during the pedj shes ("stretching of the cord") ritual, and with the help of a merkhet, which is the ancient Egyptian version of an astrolabe.

The general idea is that they started out with a low, circular wall. During the night, they followed a star's path around the north star, marking on the wall where it rose and where it set. The point exactly in between the rising and setting points was considered to be true north, from which they could make their other calculations. There were probably other ways of doing this, including a similar method using the rising and setting sun.

I'd say it's pretty clear how the pyramids and similar structures were built - lots of people, tools, organization, and architectural mathematics, which are also known though difficult for me to describe in writing.

The Non-Development and Non-Building of Ancient Egypt's Pyramids

There's plenty of evidence showing how the Ancient Egyptians developed and built pyramids. And then, we have von Däniken claiming otherwise. Interestingly, he does not contest how the pyramids were built by the Egyptians, but instead contests that the pyramids were built by Egyptians.

The Egyptians didn't build the pyramids? Where does he come up with this stuff? What's his evidence? After all, he insists he knows more about ancient Egypt (and other civilizations) than archaeologists do!

Basically, von Däniken - who has absolutely no schooling on archaeology or any other thing he has written about - is exposed to whatever artifacts and records that have been found and says; "Nuh-uh!", or more precisely, "We know next to nothing about how, why, and when of the building of the pyramid."

According to him, pyramids appeared out of the blue one day in history for mysterious reasons, never mind all that nonsense about the importance of tombs in the afterlife and stacking tomb structures on top of one another, etc. He also claims that the Egyptians didn't have the wood, rope, villages for pyramid workers, and other important clues that have been found by archaeologists.

If they didn't have rope, then why were ropes represented in their culture so much? Not only in paintings and relief carvings, but also through casual observations I've noticed that ropes appear in their hieroglyphic writings as well.

Or, if they didn't have villages for pyramid-builders, then what were the giant villages near the pyramids for? If they didn't have wood, then why was there wood and talk about wood found everywhere? How does he explain that?

Curiously, he doesn't. He just says they didn't exist and that's that.

From there, he claims that humans were not even capable of making giant stacks of rocks in the shapes of pyramids, nor would they have any reason to - never mind their religion and the ambitiousness of royalty, who were also generally believed to be deities and were worshiped in temples.

According to him, the only way the pyramids could have possibly been constructed was, not even by other humans (just as other humans have proven to be able to do much of today) but by aliens! That's right. Aliens. And that's the only way it could have happened, and there is no evidence that any people built it (not even all that stuff I just wrote about), case closed.

If that wasn't enough, he claims that the Egyptians could not have thought up the idea of dead people waking back up again just as people do every morning when they wake up. No, the Egyptians were just not capable of thinking about dead people ever living again - as cultures worldwide have done for many thousands of years - no matter how much they wanted their loved ones to come back to them!

Instead, he says, the only possible way for the Egyptians to think of dead people getting back up... is by observing aliens emerging from hibernation pods!

What?!

And where do the Egyptians speak of this? Certainly not anywhere near their nonexistent rope! And then von Däniken tells us that the reason the Egyptians had mummification was because the aliens showed them how.

Right, okay, so they destroy a dead person's brain by pulling it out through their nose, take other organs out, and then dry the remains thoroughly.

Q: What possible reason would aliens show them this?

A: As a method of putting the humans into suspended animation!

Wait a minute! They rip the person's brain out and turn them into jerky! He'll be okay after that, right? Right?

What a kook! I mean, it's not even unbelievable that human beings with simple technology could build a pyramid because much of this has been demonstrated today simply by trying it out. But, quoth von Däniken, "Today, in the twentieth century, no architect could build a copy of the pyramid of Cheops, even if the technical resources of every continent were at his disposal."

If that were true, then how is it we can construct things that are so much more complicated, like the numerous skyscrapers, huge bridges and funny-shaped buildings the world over? I'd like to see an Ancient Egyptian do that - point being that any bunch of idiots can cut a huge piece of rock into a square with copper mining tools and sand, and take it up a ramp using simple apparatuses.

Of course, the Ancient Egyptians weren't a bunch of idiots, now, were they? They had an entire system that allowed them to have a large amount of manpower to excavate chunks of rocks, shape them into blocks, then arrange the blocks into pyramids. They used boats and oxen to help them achieve this, and ramps and scaffolding to help hoist the blocks up and lever them into place.

You don't need anything else to explain that the Egyptians made the pyramids, and in specific ways, and that they had religious significance, and that they were perfectly capable of doing this. Why would aliens need to help? Where are the artifacts left by the aliens? Aside from playing with the measurements of the pyramids to supposedly find significant numbers (which you can also find using buildings in your own town!) he offers none.


My upcoming articles on the subject include titles such as; Erich von Däniken vs. The Easter Islanders and Erich von Däniken vs. Truthfulness and Accuracy. Sounds exciting, eh?

Relax; I haven't exploded!

` ...Though some other people may have.

` That was taken around the same time as my last post. So, what have I been up to since then? Well, I've been painting, for one thing, and I'm getting a new art instructor who is very outstanding.
` So yes, I've been going to school a lot. Haven't missed a day yet! Well, I know it's a gyp, but why don't I leave you hanging here and come back a couple days? Don't worry, my pets will keep you company!

` They've grown a lot since two months ago, haven't they?

Raise your hand...

` ...if you're sure your kitten licked the stink from your armpits this morning!

` Kitten Brand Antiperspirant! (Now with more Catspit!) Don't leave home without it!

Rabbits of doom!

` Once upon a time, I'd heard that former president Jimmy Carter was attacked by a swamp rabbit, which he said was hissing and gnashing its teeth. Indeed, I checked out the story, and as far as I can tell it's true. Look - there it goes!
` A year ago, this fearsome creature gave me an idea... and now, it has come to fruition!

` Überbunnies! Bringing joy to a peaceful suburban neighborhood near you.

` And in such a variety of designer colors, too!

Stimulants + Human = Bird Calls!

` Though I've speculated many times before, I feel that there is now conclusive evidence for the phenomenon of stimulant-induced bird calls in humans.

` Watch the amazing video evidence for yourself! ...Unless you are easily frightened of middle-aged men moving sixteen times faster than normal while making unnatural utterances that sound precisely like the calls of a Yellowhammer!

The New iBooger is Here!

` With iBooger, you can talk on the phone, listen to music, watch movies, or access the internet, all from the comfort of your own eyeball!


` The iBooger's sleek design is barely noticeable on the surface of your eyeball. Pressing the shiny spot activates it. Then, the fun begins!
` Controlling it with only your motor cortex, you can actually view the internet as it's being projected onto your retinas and listen to music that's fed directly into your middle ear! Or, you can upload thousands of movies. Your head is your own personal theater!
` The best part about iBooger is that there's no installation required! Just snort the packet of nanobots and it installs itself!

` Price: Being my victi- uh... test subject!

Alright, I admit it... I stole the lake!

` According to park rangers, an eleven-acre lake has simply up and left from its home in the Andes of Huemules National Park. They have no idea where it went.
` The last they saw the lake was in March of this year. The surface had been measured at 1,089,300 square feet, according to head of Chile's National Forest Service Juan Jose Romero.
` When they came back in May they were dumbfounded to discover a hundred-foot crater with a huge fissure in it and a few pieces of ice with nowhere to float.
` "No one knows what happened," Romero said.
` What's more is that a river of over 130 feet wide, which had been flowing from the lake, is now so diminished that one can simply walk across!
` Some scientists have theorized that tectonic activity could have caused a crack large enough to drain the lake. Little do they suspect; I am the one responsible for moving it to a secret location!
` If anyone wants their precious natural resource back, they're going to have to pay up. I ask for three billion pesos! Will anyone indulge me?

Yay! No school today! Also: Damning people is fun!

` ...That gives me one extra day to be completely absorbed in my homework, which is good because I'm not done. Thought I'd pop in to tell you I've been nearly finished with my next big post for a few days, it's just that I've been too busy to complete it. Indeed, I've taken the first of two attempts at an online psychology exam (39 out of 40! W00t!) and written up a few extra-credit assignments for that class.
` ...Not to mention waste about nine hours away from my computer waiting around for other people, filming an audition for Lou Ryan, and going to Cheshire Human's birthday party (which had lots of food and bellydancing!).
` I still have three critical assignments for Journalism class due on Tuesday (and another on Friday) as well as some math I need to do, so I don't think I have time today to get it done. But, to give you something to think about I figured I would display an interesting poem that my psychology teacher used to help demonstrate the

` ...And at that point, my computer restarted itself when it upgraded Clam AV because I mistakenly clicked 'OK' when it asked me if I wanted to restart now. What's that poem again?
` Oh, who cares? Here's an old draft that I keep forgetting to let see the light of day. As a bonus, I won't bother editing (explaining) it, just to make it more disturbing than it actually is!


I like damning people!

[Intro, various examples.]

` Once, I even 'damned' someone who dislikes religion with a passion and probably feels threatened by it, because teasing people about their insecurities/obsessions can be fun and entertaining. Unfortunately, this person, 'Sattvic Warrior', was too inundated with hostile responses from angry religious persons to pursue my joke:

thanks!!!!!!!! thats SO CHRISTIAN of you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! id didnt go into your site for no other reason im not into stupid people on power trips. .
have a nice day. or whatever it is people like your ilk do to have a nice day..

` I replied:

` I was hoping you would think it was funny and ironic....

` Sattvic Warrior wrote back:

thank you for getting back. and YES ... at first i thought you were another " hell and damantion " site. [ of which i get many of.].. so i just ignore them,,, but when i went to looked at it i thought it was VERY funny, AND very well put together. actually quite brilliant. . so thanks.. it IS funny .and ironic..
and glad you included me. . :)

` I replied to the reply:

` ^^ Yippee!

` And got another response:

your site is REALLY well done. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i applaude your creativity. . but frankly i would prefer my OWN sulfer bath.. . not being a snob of course. its just that Im not really into tar and feathers. .
its SOOOOOOOOOOo passe!!!!
thanks:)
sattvicwarrior.........

` Then I said; 'That's not my website, actually' because it's not. (If it was, I would of course have one of my own rather than use Blogger. C'est la vie!)

` This is what I'm talking about! If you put your mouse cursor over SattvicWarrior, you will see something funny. (And if you put your cursor over 'Redeem Yourself' it's even funnier, though only we have access to that. Mua ha ha ha!!)


` Yes, that was my draft, in its entirety. Somewhat confusing, huh? That's why I can't just slap drafts up here, even though it may be over a week before I manage to complete a certain post I was planning to put up. In fact, most drafts are not even nearly that close to being complete or coherent.
` ...Especially picture posts - they're just pictures, a few words over top of them (general ideas for sentences, but not sentences themselves), and that's it. I accidentally posted one before one of my trips to Portland and was horrified to see it a day later. It looked like it was written by a brain-damaged monkey.
` So ya see, I have a lot of drafts, but they still take work before I can put 'em up. Oh... how I long for shortcuts!
` Well, gotta keep pluggin' and chuggin'! I'm tempted to ask MAL, my AI, just to do my assignments for me, but I don't think writing newspaper articles is in his programming. Bah! How would one go about programming that type of thing, anyway?

Photographic Proof of Wonkyfoots!

` Update: I've since been contacted by Jon-Erik Beckjord, who says he believes that my joke 'Wonkyfoot' tracks are genuine!! WTF!?!? I'll keep you up-to-date at the bottom of this post.
` Back to regularly-scheduled content:

` Only a few days after my last post, I got a grammatically incorrect email from my beloved 'Becky':

Your posts too damn long. I fall asleep.

Beckjord

` I think he may have been referring to the fact that I've been taking a damn long time with this. Yes I have, because it's taken me six whole days just to edit and upload over a hundred photos before coming around to these ones (I like to keep them in chronological order), and about five days just to write this post, partly because someone unplugged my computer while I was really on a roll!
` Anyway, Becky, I think you'll be thrilled with this, just as much as you were with your own amazing photographic evidence! You see, last month, I went on a camping trip and found something I really didn't expect!
` I can't tell you exactly where it was because Lou Ryan was the one driving, though I can tell you that it was many miles away from my lab, towards these mountains:

` As you can see, we're closer to the same mountains along here....

` We also went past a lot of cows along the way....

` And mobile homes.....

` The picture of unassuming countryside. But when Lou and I went into a long-dry riverbed to set up our tent, I noticed what appeared to be human footprints.... Except they were much, much larger... and much... wonkier!

` "This must be from the Great Wonkyfoot!" I exclaimed, as I'd heard stories about this tall, hairy creature before. Naturally, I followed the trail....

` Turns out there were hundreds of tracks, winding aimlessly through the riverbed, sometimes tiptoeing, sometimes walking flat-footed, and sometimes sinking deep into the sand. All of them show a certain wonkiness - the two smaller toes seem to point outwards, if you didn't notice.

` ...Here's the left one;

` See? Not human at all! So, hoping to find the beast, Lou and I followed the tracks - but, typical of Wonkyfoots (I learned later), the tracks tend to begin and end at rivers, roads and rocky or gravelly areas.

` Lou and I then saw something even more inexplicable; definite tracks of a theropod dinosaur! It's uncanny!

` ...And then we saw even more curious tracks! Whatever this freak of nature is, it seems to be in a state of transformation between a cat and a leprechaun! (Makes me wonder about Gareth....)

` I was psyched - what kinds of things had left these prints? Well, now I'm sure that a Wonkyfoot had made those distinctive bent-toed tracks, because I saw one with my own eyes! After Lou and I set up camp and got the fire going, we heard a very unreal, high-pitched screeching sound.
` Was it a Wonkyfoot? I didn't think it sounded like a coyote - it sounded more like a human, as if yelling to someone in the distance, except there were no words. In fact, it was more of a howl than a yell.
` When the calling finally stopped a minute later, I was somewhat unnerved. I spent a long time around the campfire until I heard something else, a faint whirring sound, moving among the treetops to my right, away from the river.

` Whatever it was seemed to have landed in another campsite. I stared and stared in that direction, not able to clearly see it when there was a flash of bluish light, which illuminated what appeared to be the legs of an alien spacecraft!
` And then I saw the silhouette of a ten-foot-tall, very burly, human-like figure step into the light and disappear - just like that! - though with my camera's slow shutter speed, the shape was not captured.

` Momentarily, the light went back out and I heard the whirring noise ascend and move off toward the river. I saw the moonlight glance off of a large, slowly-rising, disc-like object - I'm not sure how big - which then somehow flitted away as fast as a small bird would.
` Almost disappointingly, I didn't see anything else the entire night, though the next morning I found a few more tracks in some sand leading up to the road!

` And here's the right foot....

` Conclusion; the Wonkyfoot must be from another planet, under the cover of an alternate universe, and has the ability to travel via spacecraft! Then, as I was leaving the campsite, I took some photos of the area.
` To my great surprise, when I reviewed my photos, I saw what appears to be an adult Wonkyfoot crouched in the underbrush, holding a baby Wonkyfoot!

` Photographic proof at last! It's amazing, isn't it? I bet I could make a mint just selling the whole picture! Gee, if only I had taken a better look round!! But no, I just went off, not realizing what had been so clearly (or perhaps blurrily) in front of my nose!

` See, here we go, further away from the mountain....

` When I got back home I showed many of my friends, and they all agree that this portrayal of Wonkyfoots is most certainly from another reality! (Though they said so as if it were slightly humorous....) Well, of course those were real Wonkyfoots and genuine tracks! I should know! I'm trained in the methods of mad science!
` The other day, however, I met a person who dared make the claim that because of the poor quality of the photograph, the brownish lump in question could just as well be a tree stump. It's clearly no tree! Trees have never been known to look just like blurry Wonkyfoots... or... Muslim men bent over in ruku! No, of course not, that's just plain silly!

` Oh yes, one other thing... I do believe I have physical evidence of Wonkyfoots, because when Lou and I last camped out at that site, (a year ago) we found this most unusual football jersey:

` See? It's slightly different from the Seattle team name 'Seahawks', so it must be from an alternate reality where a 'seahawk' is called a 'seahak'! Perhaps it is ruled by Bostonians?
` Anyway, I knew something strange was going on, and if that doesn't convince anyone of the existence of Wonkyfoot, I don't know what will!


` As-Promised Update: Shortly after I made this post, I got another email from Beckjord:

Bravas from Beckjord:

EB to me, monsterfinder

Apr 24 (2 days ago) Photos of tracks are nice.

Erik

` And then he sent another email directing me to his forum, where I found this entry:

Good tracks in sand by SEE Quinn. Jon-Erik Beckjord on Apr 26, 2007, 1:42 AM

` However, all he has so far is:

post it later

` What will the post turn out to hold? Does he actually believe (for some inexplicable reason) that the tracks are genuine? Is he just being sarcastic? Keep 'tuning in' to this post (or his)....

` Apr 28: Becky responded to my email:

` ...So, you're gonna devote a post all to my tracks? Be my guest!

` He said:

Have no idea , no clue, how this system works., Do not even know what a "track" is.

Erik

` Ooooooookay. Major context confusion here. As if I already didn't realize he had a problem in that area.

` And check out the forum post. I commented:

` You've heard of Wonkyfoot, too?

` And he responded:

` Stop the b*llsh*t. Please. BF is BF

` He really seems to think that Wonkyfoot = the real Bigfoot! He also sent me this email:

Look, I'm trying to get you out of this silly blog system, and to post some meaningful comment in a forum.

Erik

` Well, then, I did the only thing I could do; posted a comment saying 'so what? I walked around in the sand and took pictures of my footprints'. He responded:

Why not cut the sh*t and do some real Bigfoot research???

eh?

` Ooooookay... so, I provided him with the gist of my 'real bigfoot research'. He replied:

Y0u believe anything skeptical you read in the media.

Tsk tsk!

Erik

` Actually, I'm prone (now more than ever!) to being skeptical of anything I read, no matter who writes it. This has turned out to be very useful in my journalism studies. But see, I know why he would say this; he thinks skeptics are some kind of exclusive group and shun anyone who doesn't agree with his personal views.
` Of course it seems like this to him - he has about the most nonsensical ideas about what scientists (such as Einstein) mean when they talk about things as well as what constitutes evidence for anything. (As demonstrated in my other posts on him.) He's just 'really out there'.
` Oh... just as I predicted:

I do not believe you.

erik

` Yeah, that's because he only believes himself.