Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Failed Experiment #165: The Goner Rhea

` I'll have you know that in order to post this, I had to finish and photograph a drawing I made, so I hope you like it, my G's - Gareth, Galtron and G-Man! Without further ado....

` Rheas are wonderful and quite stupid birds, gray in color and rather large for the size of their brains. As with ostriches and cassowaries, the male rhea mates with many females, who lay their eggs in one nest and then move on to someone else. The male then guards the eggs and raises the chicks, defending them from anyone or anything that comes by.
` You can't possibly imagine what I had to go through to steal some eggs - and that was only because I was too afraid to approach the much more treacherous and dagger-clawed cassowary!
` I took my illegitimate eggs from various nests home, where I applied some genetic techniques that had been only tested on chickens. Until... then.
` The new breed, which I tentatively dubbed 'Old School', was meant to retain some of the primitive characteristics of its ancestors. However, the manipulation didn't do much other than change its internal organs around a bit (and allow the males to be able to sexually satisfy large bovines).
` However, I was a bit disappointed in the initial experiments, so I tweaked the next batch a little more... the offspring's head and toes turned out to be disturbingly like the primitive reptillian birds of the Jurassic era, which resembled dromaeosaurs (such as the well-known Velociraptor) except with the ability to fly.
` So, reunite a modern ratite with its ancestral heritage, and what do you get? Well, there's a reason that Old School has been since nicknamed 'The Goner Rhea' - I call it the Rhea of Dread or 'Dire Rhea'.

` Thank goodness I didn't mess with the proportions of the limbs - otherwise it would have had quite a reach as well!
` As it is, I've shipped the dangerous birds off to an island in the West Indies in order to lure in silly cryptozoologists in and kill them one by one.... You know, the ultimate diss.

` And a note to the G's... I would have finished this post right away if I hadn't been at a Medeival Fair, full of k-nig-hts and other strange creatures. I was so exhausted I didn't even bother going to the pudding and porn party at Nympho's!
` I've been really busy otherwise, and as for today I finally managed to figure out why MAL likes to slow down to a crawl and shut off spontaneously, especially during virus scans. Apparently the fact that our neighbor can cause my sensitive lab equipment to suddenly restart (or even cause a short-circuit!) just by turning on his microwave is a really bad thing and should never happen.
` So, I got myself a UPS, which is much better at conditioning my current than the Monster Power conditioner I was using - now MAL has no problem with virus scans and is slug-like no more.
` As for Lou....

` Well, I'd best be off to bed. Hooray for posting this before midnight! I somehow feel less like a slacker!

14 comments:

Gareth said...

Female rheas are total hos, there is no doubt about that. They flick one egg out and then they go and find another unsuspecting rhea dude to get jiggy with. Can you imagine what they are like when they have a few drinks in them. Whoooweeeeeeee the pants come down and they start performing the horizontal twitch right there on the floor in front of the bar!

I really like that drawing and I do appreciate it even if the other G's don't. Lol :P

G-Man said...

Gareth don't be so presumtuous, I'm slightly aroused right now!

With Porn, Pudding always occurs..
in drips, drops, steams, gushers, and often!

'Pretty darned talented you are!'
(jeez that sounded like Yoda)
Your hot!.....G

Gareth said...

Huh?! G-man are you aroused because I was presumptuous???

Galtron said...

I, for one, am presumptuously aroused!

I like your bastard birds, Doctor! I'm waiting for reports of cryptos MIA!

S E E Quine said...

` I was tempted to write, Gareth, that promiscuity is the rhea way!

` Oh, G-man, I like homestyle pudding! I also like watching guys churn their own whipped cream....
` Gotta make sure they stop before it turns to butter....
` And thanks for slathering me with daubs of praise. They make me even hotter!

` Mua ha ha... Galtron, I already have an underhanded local project underway to ensure that this guy winds up savagely mauled and wrapped around a tree branch!
` You know, just to mess with those more eccentric of bigfooters.

G-Man said...

Is it possible to suffer from a would be fatal disorder called " sequine Withdrawl"?
I'm going through it now I'm quite sure!
Even if you visit 3rd world countries promoting world peace for 10 days. Or if your puter "mysteriously" crashes. I am addictingly compelled to come to this place. You have this hold on me Doc, and it's driving ME insane!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!


Not really..I just wanted to say good nite..G

Gareth said...

Ya big dumb bird :P

S E E Quine said...

` My computer is, G-Man, still doing all sorts of stupid stuff - thank goodness I have an external hard drive now in operation!
` Let us hope you never have to suffer from any massive withdrawal.
` Then again, there are the archives....

` Gareth, I thought I was a baboon!

G-Man said...

I've read them!
I'll be patient, Doc...




..get it?

S E E Quine said...

` Really? All of them!? What about that science and wackmobiles girl? Did ya read hers, too?

monado said...

Lovely birds, especially the Dire Rhea! I wish I could draw like that (not to mention manipulate rhea genes)!

S E E Quine said...

` Yes - drawing and manipulating rhea genes is a rare combination, I suppose.

G-Man said...

This is real fucking sad.
Sequine, You need to put that book, laptop, organic pleasuring module, or anything else standing in the way of my sequine viewing enjoyment, DOWN!

You may be able to soothe my bruised ego, with a hitherto unseen photo of yourself...G

S E E Quine said...

` Would substituting you for my other organic pleasuring module be an option? Mheh heh heh....