Tuesday, July 03, 2007

A Journalism Assignment

` I am working on Yet Another Blog Post That Attempts To Explain Skepticism More Clearly, and this time I have a somewhat different approach. In fact, the first half is more or less finished - though written on paper - but I'm too lazy to actually type it in and add the rest of it, then edit it, etc.
` In fact, the post relates to what this quarter's psychology teacher says about what science is. (His is different than the angle I've been writing from.) But, before I finish that I thought I'd pop in to post something else school-related; two more assignments from my Journalism class! (I've been wanting to get my final, but the teacher won't be in her office until next fall, so I have to wait until September to get it back....)
` The first assignment (actually, it is the first part of one assignment) is based off of the minutes of a (fictitious) council meeting. As you can see, it is written better than my post thus far:

~~At the last City Council meeting, a Vietnamese potbellied pig helped to persuade members to declassify them as farm animals. The result is that these pet pigs can be legally kept within city limits.
~~Janie Finck, the owner of the present pig Bo Jackswine, said of the outcome; “Thank you very much. Bo thanks you very much. I am very happy. And Bo did excellent. He was definitely a ham.”
~~The pig didn’t speak, of course, but he did charm council members with his endearing, puppy-like behavior into overturning the ordinance passed last week which banned them from the city.
~~The owner of two potbellied pigs, Kris Guidice, was greatly relieved. “I took off work,” she said. “I haven’t slept in two days because I’ve been so worried about it.”
On a less triumphant note, it was also agreed during the meeting that five positions would be cut from the police department in order to save the county money.
~~Police Chief Samuel Safety at first objected this cut because the police force is greatly needed with crime rates on the rise. When it was suggested that the office workers at the police station could be the only ones to lose their jobs, the proposition was approved unanimously.
~~Other items included considering the rezoning of 34 acres of agricultural land for building homes on, and considering spending $44,000 on vehicles for the city’s maintenance personnel.
~~In a few months, however, the one thing that anyone present is sure to remember about the meeting will be the potbellied pigs. Upon getting to know Bo Jackswine, Vice Mayor Charles Shorter even considered getting one himself.
~~John Hood, owner of a potbellied pig named Gidget, commented; “If was either they pass it or I’d have moved out. You can steal my truck or anything else, but you better leave my pig alone.”

` The second part of the assignment was writing another article based on a (completely made-up) police report:

~~A college student was killed last night at his job at Tom’s Pizza during an attempted robbery. The suspect, William McDowell has yet to be tried.
~~The victim, twenty-year-old Thomas J. Alvarez, was working behind the counter when McDowell entered, concealing a handgun and looking for cash. It seemed as if he was about to order a pizza, but the gunman’s true intentions became apparent when Alvarez asked him what toppings he wanted: McDowell replied, “I really want all your money.”
~~The suspect then claims that Alvarez appeared to reach under the counter, prompting him to fire the bullet that quickly proved fatal. With Alvarez out of the way, he was free to run behind the counter to attempt to open the cash register. Finding this to be difficult, he threw the register on the floor before shooting it five or six times.
~~Giving up his struggle to get at the cash, eyewitnesses say McDowell ran outside and into an awaiting white Ford Mustang. Another man at the wheel drove the getaway vehicle off the premises.
~~The two suspects were evidently not counting on being followed. However, it happened that another employee, Andrew Caspenwall, was just arriving on the scene and pursued the suspects in his delivery vehicle.
~~As they were passing though the Pauley Park area, the suspects fired several shots at Caspenwall, missing him each time.
~~Caspenwall reported that the perpetrators’ vehicle was speeding so fast that when the driver attempted to turn onto Parkview Avenue, it skidded and flipped onto its side.
~~William McDowell was found inside, unhurt but dazed, and identified as the shooter. The other suspect is still at large.
~~McDowell says that his reason for the robbery is that he was strapped for money because he was jobless and had a substance abuse problem.

` Cheery, huh? That's why I'm not going to be a journalist - at least one who has to write things like that! Personally, I prefer writing about new inventions, discoveries and technology, including the newfound ability to clone viable sperm! (Now men who may have genetic defects concerning sperm production can pass those defects on to the next generation! Whoo!)
` Well, I've got to go - that crawling sound is emanating from the sink drain again....


H4> said...

Ur mad skillz roxxorz! Yr sad 4rtikl ist PWNT!!!! Not depreffsing nEmor!

~~a college tude|\|t was killed l4st night st hs jopb 4t tom’z pizza during 4n attempted robbety,,, t eh suspect, \\\\////\\\\////ill1am mcdowell h4s yeT to be treid!!!!!!!!!!111
~~TEH VIOCTIM, T\\\\////\\\\////ENTY-YEAR-OLD THOMAS J... ALVARE,Z WAS WORKING BEHIND TWH COUNTaR WH3N MCDOWELl ENTRERED, CONCELINGA HANDGUM aND LOOKING FRO CASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it d3emed 4z 1F he w4s about to rodr a pizxza, Butthe ggunman’z tRue ntentionms Becamw apparent when alvrz asked hi whAt toppings h3 awmnd:mCdowell err;lied, “i really watn all ur money ”
~~ThE SUSPECT T3HN cLA1MZT HAT ALVAREZ APP3ARED TO REACH YUND3R THC OUNTER, PROMPTING H1M TO FIRE THE BULLET tHAT QUIX0R7Y pRoVED FATZAL loloolololoololololo with aklvaerz out of the Way, he Was ftee to run behind teh counter to attempt t ooop3N the cash register, FIN1NF THIS TOB E DIFFCIUlT, HE THReW TEH REGISTER ON TEH fLOOR BEOR ESHOTING IT FIVE oR SIX TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~~
~~giving pu his strugg7e to get at htec ash, eyewitnesses sa ymcdowq3ll ran Outisde and into an awaiting whie ford mustang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~ another man 4t the wheel dr0Ve the gEtaway fvehicle off the premises!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~ I will jsX)r
~~as trey weRe passing though the pauley park area, teh suspectS fired sevaral dhoots ta acsp3nawll, missign hhim eacH time LOLOLOLO!!!!!!!!1
~~w1lliam mcdowell Waz found inside, unhurtt buT dazzed, and iddentifeif aSt he shotar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~ t3h pther ssuSpcet is still at large,,,
~~mcdOwell says that hsi reason fro teh rpobbary is trhat he waz strapped fro m0ney beczu he was jobkesz and had a substnce abusep roblem~~~~

OMG lololololololo!!

S E E Quine said...

` UH, TNK U fOR UH ... ,, akig charge of that for me. lolololololo...

Jeff Vachon said...

H4>< seems to have gone off his meds. I suspect he was the second suspect.

Galtron said...

Wow, Spoony, your articles are almost like reading a ficticious newspaper!
Reading whatever the hell Hax wrote...... I have to admit I laughed a little. I hope that was the point.

Jeff Vachon said...

Hey Seequine, I just listened to your song. You sing wonderfully off key! I could listen to it all day long -- but I won't.

S E E Quine said...

` It's probably best that you don't. ;)

Charles said...

Do you keep up with Scientific American, which isn't always an up to date publication anyway? Stuff like:
Designer Enzyme Cuts HIV Out of Infected Cells: Scientific American
Scientists Reverse Mental Retardation in Mice: Scientific American
More Humanlike Mouse Stem Cells Discovered: Scientific American
How to Reconstruct the Neandertal Genome: Scientific American

S E E Quine said...

` Wow! Reversing mental retardation! I hope it doesn't screw them up forever!

` That's also really cool - finally a rhyme and reason is known of DNA decay!

` Believe me, I even subscribe to the magazine... I just don't have time to finish any of them!!!

Jeff Vachon said...

I aslo subscribe to that publication. Things I read on physorg.com today are usually in SA within the year.

S E E Quine said...

` Oo! I likee physorg! Apparently, seven additional wonders of the world have just been chosen! Hey, it's about time!

Charles said...

|-|0\/\/ 733t n33d on3 b3 +0 u|\|d3r5t4|\|d +h4+ br0k3-455 E|\|g1i5|-|?

S E E Quine said...

` +|-|!5 |\/||_|C|-| lolol!!!

Charles said...


Charles said...

Hi SEEQuine,
I whipped this up this morning, and thought you might find it amusing.
copy it into notepad and save it as "LeetSpeak.vbs" (without the quotes.)

Make sure the Const line is a single line of text, all the way to the closing double-quote(had to wrap it because blogger wanted to truncate.)

Run it and either type in or paste in the text you want in 733t, then you can copy the result. Its just doing simple substitution, so if you want to change anything, just change the const line, using commas between each character.

' NAME: LeetSpeak.vbs
' AUTHOR: Charles Hernandez, Genius Ontologics
' DATE : 7/10/2007
' COMMENT: Convert text to "733t 5p34|<"
Option Explicit
' WScript.Quit
On Error Resume Next
Dim strNew, cnt, element
Dim objregexp
Dim conv
Dim arrConv
Const constTo = "4,B,(,d,3,F,6,|-|,1,j,|<,l,|\/|,|\|,0,p,Q,r,5,T,|_|,
arrConv = Split (constTo,",")
strNew = ""
Set conv = CreateObject("Scripting.Dictionary")
cnt = 97
For Each element In arrConv
conv.add Chr(cnt), element
cnt = cnt + 1
Function ConvertToLeet(strInput)
Dim char
Dim charToConvert
For char = 1 To Len (strInput)
charToConvert=LCase (Mid (strInput, char, 1))
If conv.Exists(charToConvert) Then
strNew = strNew & conv.Item(charToConvert)
strNew = strNew & charToConvert
End If
ConvertToLeet = strNew
End Function
Dim strResult
Dim strTitle
Dim strInput
Dim strPrompt
strResult = "LeetSpeak Text:"
strTitle = "LeetSpeak Converter"
strPrompt = "Enter or Paste Text you desire to have as LeetSpeak."
strInput = InputBox (strPrompt, strTitle, "Text")
strResult = strResult & vbCrLf & ConvertToLeet (strInput)
MsgBox strResult, vbOK, strTitle

Charles said...

looks like it wrapped the line "strResult = strResult & vbCrLf & ConvertToLeet (strInput)"

Oh and this is strickly for MS Windows.

Charles said...

Change the line:"MsgBox strResult, vbOK, strTitle" to "strInput = InputBox ("LeetSpeak: ", strTitle, strResult)", then you'll only need to hit control-C to copy the text.

Here's an example of output from your blog:

~~j4|\|13 F1|\|(|<, T|-|3 0\/\/|\|3r 0F T|-|3 pr353|\|T p16 B0 j4(|<5\/\/1|\|3, 541d 0F T|-|3 0|_|T(0|\/|3; “T|-|4|\||< y0|_| \/3ry |\/||_|(|-|. B0 T|-|4|\||<5 y0|_| \/3ry |\/||_|(|-|. 1 4|\/| \/3ry |-|4ppy. 4|\|d B0 d1d 3><(3ll3|\|T. |-|3 \/\/45 d3F1|\|1T3ly 4 |-|4|\/|.”