Saturday, January 07, 2006

Study shows aluminum foil helmets amplify government transmissions

` Attention, people of paranoid persuasion: The notion that aluminum foil helmets prevent the government from reading your mind turns out to be an old wives' tale!

` Observe:

On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets:

An Empirical Study

Ali Rahimi1, Ben Recht 2, Jason Taylor 2, Noah Vawter 2
17 Feb 2005

1: Electrical Engineering and Computer Science department, MIT.
2: Media Laboratory, MIT.


Among a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as the protective measure of choice against invasive radio signals. We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government's invasive abilities. We speculate that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason.

` To read the rest of this study, I suggest you trust me enough to venture where I found it.

` ...I'd write my own musings about this, but the keyboard I'm using - which is wireless - is seriously trying my patience: this i h hpeshei tryto type nrmaly


Wed-nes-day said...

C'est Sa-Rah,
You have broken my heart.
All these years wearing an aluminum pasta strainer on my head I thought I was protected from Govt. spying. I even put waxed paper over the holes to keep out the rain! Guess I will have to go back to using a cardboard box, but damn it gets soggy when it rains. I'll try spraying it with W-D 40. That always works. . . .
Miss you,

cassie d said...

That is hilarious!!!!

unfortunately, i will have to break the news to a couple people i know!

as far as alternatives, i wonder if we should update and just start using old AOL disks sewn together with fishing line........

asdfqwega said...

I wonder how well my lead-lined trenchcoat would fare in those tests?...

Seriously...if you're THAT paranoid, you make yourself a walking target.


Besides, a Faraday Cage is the only way to go.

S E E Quine said...

` That reminds me... I once built a Faraday Cage myself, during which time I spent hours taking pictures of the inside to test how much radiation was getting through.
` Being an enthusiastic young photographer of invisible wavelengths and all, it was a real blast! (And some of the photos were interesting, too!)

Laura said...

Okay... I am obviously going to be the one idiot that asks the really stupid question but what exactly are the helmets protecting you against... I mean the government, yes, I know but what is the government trying to do with your brain that aluminum will stop?

Question two - if we have to wear these helmets, can we draw/paint on them to make them slightly more attractive? Or will that take away from the force field effect?

S E E Quine said...

` You know, I think it depends:

` For some, the fear is that the government is able to read their minds and come after them for whatever contrived reason; for others, it may be that transmissions of outlandish schemes disrupt their daily thoughts - or it could be both!
` ...And it doesn't have to be the government, either - the aliens might be the culprits!

` As for decorating helmets... it probably wouldn't have a noticeable effect.

Galtron said...

I've been strangely silent through all this.

Aaron said...

Well, considering that microwaves and radio waves can travel through most metallic substances as thin as aluminum foil, I propose a solution for the tin-foil-hat-crowd. Depleted Uranium! Not only would this be a damn good way to use spent fuel (nuclear waste), it would also do a really good job of accelerating the natural selection process. Uranium is so dense it would surely prevent any (outside) radiation from reaching the cranium of the wearer(s).