` Back to regularly-scheduled content:
` Only a few days after my last post, I got a grammatically incorrect email from my beloved 'Becky':
Your posts too damn long. I fall asleep.` I think he may have been referring to the fact that I've been taking a damn long time with this. Yes I have, because it's taken me six whole days just to edit and upload over a hundred photos before coming around to these ones (I like to keep them in chronological order), and about five days just to write this post, partly because someone unplugged my computer while I was really on a roll!
` Anyway, Becky, I think you'll be thrilled with this, just as much as you were with your own amazing photographic evidence! You see, last month, I went on a camping trip and found something I really didn't expect!
` I can't tell you exactly where it was because Lou Ryan was the one driving, though I can tell you that it was many miles away from my lab, towards these mountains:
` As you can see, we're closer to the same mountains along here....
` We also went past a lot of cows along the way....
` And mobile homes.....
` The picture of unassuming countryside. But when Lou and I went into a long-dry riverbed to set up our tent, I noticed what appeared to be human footprints.... Except they were much, much larger... and much... wonkier!
` "This must be from the Great Wonkyfoot!" I exclaimed, as I'd heard stories about this tall, hairy creature before. Naturally, I followed the trail....
` Turns out there were hundreds of tracks, winding aimlessly through the riverbed, sometimes tiptoeing, sometimes walking flat-footed, and sometimes sinking deep into the sand. All of them show a certain wonkiness - the two smaller toes seem to point outwards, if you didn't notice.
` ...Here's the left one;
` See? Not human at all! So, hoping to find the beast, Lou and I followed the tracks - but, typical of Wonkyfoots (I learned later), the tracks tend to begin and end at rivers, roads and rocky or gravelly areas.
` Lou and I then saw something even more inexplicable; definite tracks of a theropod dinosaur! It's uncanny!
` ...And then we saw even more curious tracks! Whatever this freak of nature is, it seems to be in a state of transformation between a cat and a leprechaun! (Makes me wonder about Gareth....)
` I was psyched - what kinds of things had left these prints? Well, now I'm sure that a Wonkyfoot had made those distinctive bent-toed tracks, because I saw one with my own eyes! After Lou and I set up camp and got the fire going, we heard a very unreal, high-pitched screeching sound.
` Was it a Wonkyfoot? I didn't think it sounded like a coyote - it sounded more like a human, as if yelling to someone in the distance, except there were no words. In fact, it was more of a howl than a yell.
` When the calling finally stopped a minute later, I was somewhat unnerved. I spent a long time around the campfire until I heard something else, a faint whirring sound, moving among the treetops to my right, away from the river.
` Whatever it was seemed to have landed in another campsite. I stared and stared in that direction, not able to clearly see it when there was a flash of bluish light, which illuminated what appeared to be the legs of an alien spacecraft!
` And then I saw the silhouette of a ten-foot-tall, very burly, human-like figure step into the light and disappear - just like that! - though with my camera's slow shutter speed, the shape was not captured.
` Momentarily, the light went back out and I heard the whirring noise ascend and move off toward the river. I saw the moonlight glance off of a large, slowly-rising, disc-like object - I'm not sure how big - which then somehow flitted away as fast as a small bird would.
` Almost disappointingly, I didn't see anything else the entire night, though the next morning I found a few more tracks in some sand leading up to the road!
` And here's the right foot....
` Conclusion; the Wonkyfoot must be from another planet, under the cover of an alternate universe, and has the ability to travel via spacecraft! Then, as I was leaving the campsite, I took some photos of the area.
` To my great surprise, when I reviewed my photos, I saw what appears to be an adult Wonkyfoot crouched in the underbrush, holding a baby Wonkyfoot!
` Photographic proof at last! It's amazing, isn't it? I bet I could make a mint just selling the whole picture! Gee, if only I had taken a better look round!! But no, I just went off, not realizing what had been so clearly (or perhaps blurrily) in front of my nose!
` See, here we go, further away from the mountain....
` When I got back home I showed many of my friends, and they all agree that this portrayal of Wonkyfoots is most certainly from another reality! (Though they said so as if it were slightly humorous....) Well, of course those were real Wonkyfoots and genuine tracks! I should know! I'm trained in the methods of mad science!
` The other day, however, I met a person who dared make the claim that because of the poor quality of the photograph, the brownish lump in question could just as well be a tree stump. It's clearly no tree! Trees have never been known to look just like blurry Wonkyfoots... or... Muslim men bent over in ruku! No, of course not, that's just plain silly!
` Oh yes, one other thing... I do believe I have physical evidence of Wonkyfoots, because when Lou and I last camped out at that site, (a year ago) we found this most unusual football jersey:
` See? It's slightly different from the Seattle team name 'Seahawks', so it must be from an alternate reality where a 'seahawk' is called a 'seahak'! Perhaps it is ruled by Bostonians?
` Anyway, I knew something strange was going on, and if that doesn't convince anyone of the existence of Wonkyfoot, I don't know what will!
` As-Promised Update: Shortly after I made this post, I got another email from Beckjord:
Bravas from Beckjord:
EB to me, monsterfinder
Apr 24 (2 days ago) Photos of tracks are nice.
` And then he sent another email directing me to his forum, where I found this entry:
Good tracks in sand by SEE Quinn. Jon-Erik Beckjord on Apr 26, 2007, 1:42 AM
` However, all he has so far is:
post it later
` What will the post turn out to hold? Does he actually believe (for some inexplicable reason) that the tracks are genuine? Is he just being sarcastic? Keep 'tuning in' to this post (or his)....
` Apr 28: Becky responded to my email:
` ...So, you're gonna devote a post all to my tracks? Be my guest!
` He said:
Have no idea , no clue, how this system works., Do not even know what a "track" is.
` Ooooooookay. Major context confusion here. As if I already didn't realize he had a problem in that area.
` And check out the forum post. I commented:
` You've heard of Wonkyfoot, too?
` And he responded:
` Stop the b*llsh*t. Please. BF is BF
` He really seems to think that Wonkyfoot = the real Bigfoot! He also sent me this email:
Look, I'm trying to get you out of this silly blog system, and to post some meaningful comment in a forum.
` Well, then, I did the only thing I could do; posted a comment saying 'so what? I walked around in the sand and took pictures of my footprints'. He responded:
Why not cut the sh*t and do some real Bigfoot research???
eh?` Ooooookay... so, I provided him with the gist of my 'real bigfoot research'. He replied:
Y0u believe anything skeptical you read in the media.
` Actually, I'm prone (now more than ever!) to being skeptical of anything I read, no matter who writes it. This has turned out to be very useful in my journalism studies. But see, I know why he would say this; he thinks skeptics are some kind of exclusive group and shun anyone who doesn't agree with his personal views.
` Of course it seems like this to him - he has about the most nonsensical ideas about what scientists (such as Einstein) mean when they talk about things as well as what constitutes evidence for anything. (As demonstrated in my other posts on him.) He's just 'really out there'.
` Oh... just as I predicted:
I do not believe you.
` Yeah, that's because he only believes himself.