Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Photographic Proof of Wonkyfoots!

` Update: I've since been contacted by Jon-Erik Beckjord, who says he believes that my joke 'Wonkyfoot' tracks are genuine!! WTF!?!? I'll keep you up-to-date at the bottom of this post.
` Back to regularly-scheduled content:

` Only a few days after my last post, I got a grammatically incorrect email from my beloved 'Becky':
Your posts too damn long. I fall asleep.

Beckjord
` I think he may have been referring to the fact that I've been taking a damn long time with this. Yes I have, because it's taken me six whole days just to edit and upload over a hundred photos before coming around to these ones (I like to keep them in chronological order), and about five days just to write this post, partly because someone unplugged my computer while I was really on a roll!
` Anyway, Becky, I think you'll be thrilled with this, just as much as you were with your own amazing photographic evidence! You see, last month, I went on a camping trip and found something I really didn't expect!
` I can't tell you exactly where it was because Lou Ryan was the one driving, though I can tell you that it was many miles away from my lab, towards these mountains:

` As you can see, we're closer to the same mountains along here....

` We also went past a lot of cows along the way....

` And mobile homes.....

` The picture of unassuming countryside. But when Lou and I went into a long-dry riverbed to set up our tent, I noticed what appeared to be human footprints.... Except they were much, much larger... and much... wonkier!

` "This must be from the Great Wonkyfoot!" I exclaimed, as I'd heard stories about this tall, hairy creature before. Naturally, I followed the trail....

` Turns out there were hundreds of tracks, winding aimlessly through the riverbed, sometimes tiptoeing, sometimes walking flat-footed, and sometimes sinking deep into the sand. All of them show a certain wonkiness - the two smaller toes seem to point outwards, if you didn't notice.

` ...Here's the left one;

` See? Not human at all! So, hoping to find the beast, Lou and I followed the tracks - but, typical of Wonkyfoots (I learned later), the tracks tend to begin and end at rivers, roads and rocky or gravelly areas.

` Lou and I then saw something even more inexplicable; definite tracks of a theropod dinosaur! It's uncanny!

` ...And then we saw even more curious tracks! Whatever this freak of nature is, it seems to be in a state of transformation between a cat and a leprechaun! (Makes me wonder about Gareth....)

` I was psyched - what kinds of things had left these prints? Well, now I'm sure that a Wonkyfoot had made those distinctive bent-toed tracks, because I saw one with my own eyes! After Lou and I set up camp and got the fire going, we heard a very unreal, high-pitched screeching sound.
` Was it a Wonkyfoot? I didn't think it sounded like a coyote - it sounded more like a human, as if yelling to someone in the distance, except there were no words. In fact, it was more of a howl than a yell.
` When the calling finally stopped a minute later, I was somewhat unnerved. I spent a long time around the campfire until I heard something else, a faint whirring sound, moving among the treetops to my right, away from the river.

` Whatever it was seemed to have landed in another campsite. I stared and stared in that direction, not able to clearly see it when there was a flash of bluish light, which illuminated what appeared to be the legs of an alien spacecraft!
` And then I saw the silhouette of a ten-foot-tall, very burly, human-like figure step into the light and disappear - just like that! - though with my camera's slow shutter speed, the shape was not captured.

` Momentarily, the light went back out and I heard the whirring noise ascend and move off toward the river. I saw the moonlight glance off of a large, slowly-rising, disc-like object - I'm not sure how big - which then somehow flitted away as fast as a small bird would.
` Almost disappointingly, I didn't see anything else the entire night, though the next morning I found a few more tracks in some sand leading up to the road!

` And here's the right foot....

` Conclusion; the Wonkyfoot must be from another planet, under the cover of an alternate universe, and has the ability to travel via spacecraft! Then, as I was leaving the campsite, I took some photos of the area.
` To my great surprise, when I reviewed my photos, I saw what appears to be an adult Wonkyfoot crouched in the underbrush, holding a baby Wonkyfoot!

` Photographic proof at last! It's amazing, isn't it? I bet I could make a mint just selling the whole picture! Gee, if only I had taken a better look round!! But no, I just went off, not realizing what had been so clearly (or perhaps blurrily) in front of my nose!

` See, here we go, further away from the mountain....

` When I got back home I showed many of my friends, and they all agree that this portrayal of Wonkyfoots is most certainly from another reality! (Though they said so as if it were slightly humorous....) Well, of course those were real Wonkyfoots and genuine tracks! I should know! I'm trained in the methods of mad science!
` The other day, however, I met a person who dared make the claim that because of the poor quality of the photograph, the brownish lump in question could just as well be a tree stump. It's clearly no tree! Trees have never been known to look just like blurry Wonkyfoots... or... Muslim men bent over in ruku! No, of course not, that's just plain silly!

` Oh yes, one other thing... I do believe I have physical evidence of Wonkyfoots, because when Lou and I last camped out at that site, (a year ago) we found this most unusual football jersey:

` See? It's slightly different from the Seattle team name 'Seahawks', so it must be from an alternate reality where a 'seahawk' is called a 'seahak'! Perhaps it is ruled by Bostonians?
` Anyway, I knew something strange was going on, and if that doesn't convince anyone of the existence of Wonkyfoot, I don't know what will!


` As-Promised Update: Shortly after I made this post, I got another email from Beckjord:

Bravas from Beckjord:

EB to me, monsterfinder

Apr 24 (2 days ago) Photos of tracks are nice.

Erik

` And then he sent another email directing me to his forum, where I found this entry:

Good tracks in sand by SEE Quinn. Jon-Erik Beckjord on Apr 26, 2007, 1:42 AM

` However, all he has so far is:

post it later

` What will the post turn out to hold? Does he actually believe (for some inexplicable reason) that the tracks are genuine? Is he just being sarcastic? Keep 'tuning in' to this post (or his)....

` Apr 28: Becky responded to my email:

` ...So, you're gonna devote a post all to my tracks? Be my guest!

` He said:

Have no idea , no clue, how this system works., Do not even know what a "track" is.

Erik

` Ooooooookay. Major context confusion here. As if I already didn't realize he had a problem in that area.

` And check out the forum post. I commented:

` You've heard of Wonkyfoot, too?

` And he responded:

` Stop the b*llsh*t. Please. BF is BF

` He really seems to think that Wonkyfoot = the real Bigfoot! He also sent me this email:

Look, I'm trying to get you out of this silly blog system, and to post some meaningful comment in a forum.

Erik

` Well, then, I did the only thing I could do; posted a comment saying 'so what? I walked around in the sand and took pictures of my footprints'. He responded:

Why not cut the sh*t and do some real Bigfoot research???

eh?

` Ooooookay... so, I provided him with the gist of my 'real bigfoot research'. He replied:

Y0u believe anything skeptical you read in the media.
Tsk tsk!
Erik

` Actually, I'm prone (now more than ever!) to being skeptical of anything I read, no matter who writes it. This has turned out to be very useful in my journalism studies. But see, I know why he would say this; he thinks skeptics are some kind of exclusive group and shun anyone who doesn't agree with his personal views.
` Of course it seems like this to him - he has about the most nonsensical ideas about what scientists (such as Einstein) mean when they talk about things as well as what constitutes evidence for anything. (As demonstrated in my other posts on him.) He's just 'really out there'.

` Oh... just as I predicted:

I do not believe you.

erik

` Yeah, that's because he only believes himself.

20 comments:

Galtron said...

First comment even though I'm 'late'! Whoo!

Gee whillikers, Dr. Noci! Which dimension do you think Wonkyfoot is from? What is your estimate of the make and model of the spaceship?

And yes, do ask Gareth about the Leprachaun thing. Maybe instead of turning into werewolves they can turn into werecats?

S E E Quine said...

` Astute observation, young Galtron! I shall ask him!!

` And by the way, you're only the first to comment because, it seems, these comment boxes prefer to run off whenever I most want them around for people to use!
` Have you noticed that as well?

` Good questions, by the by! In response, I predict that the Wonkyfoot is from the Wonky Universe, where everything is just a little 'wonky' (hence the shirt)!
` The spaceship, I'm not sure. I've never seen any that looked exactly like that....

Gareth said...

LOL Galtron and SeeQuine. I can confirm that those are not leprechaun prints. I'll tell you why too. As you know, gnomes and leprechauns have a fierce rivalry down through the years. They always pretend to be us much to our dismay. It has been known for them to attach cardboard cut-outs to the feet in order to appear like us. These cut-outs are often very crude imitations of our feet. If you look closely at the picture you will see that the indentation of the heel is not very shallow, this is because those dumb dumb gnomes keep forgetting to reduce the size of the cut-outs. If they did this then the imprint would be a lot deeper in the heal thus depicting a real leprechaun's foot print. When God was giving out intelligent they were right at the end of the line behind the single celled amoebas. The next time you see one of those stupid creatures please do me a favour and knock its head off with a blunt instrument then we can all be rid of those annoying leprechaun wannabies. Thank you :D

(I need to stop drinking lol)

Night night G and S and everyone else. This lep is away to bed :)

S E E Quine said...

` Thanks for clearing that up, Gareth! Will do!

` ...Any room in that bed for someone bigger than a leprechaun? Like, maybe Ozzie Osbourne, but smaller?

Galtron said...

*Gets back to computer, updates catch attention, proceed to read updates, laughs hysterically*

Actually Doctor, I suggest taking the updates down this instant, as he hasn't gone through with it yet. Then, when he does upload the photos, you'll more visually be able to expose him as a total dumbass!

G-Man said...

Thats NOT Bigfoot?

I was sure that you had the proof!

S E E Quine said...

` I'm lol, G-man!

` And Galtron, I have thought about this, believe me... but... it's just too good not to!!! (There's a moral about this in the Bible, isn't there?)

` Whether he finds out by looking at my blog or not, I'm going to expose him nonetheless, unless of course, his post was actually going to be about exposing my 'hoax', though somehow I doubt it.

` Also, I really don't want to give the impression that I've deliberately tricked Beckjord... it's just that I haven't gotten around to telling him about his... gullibilities!

Galtron said...

You do realize, Doctor, that based on your past conflicts that he's probably making fun of YOU!

In that case you now look like the dumbass! I suggest emailing the guy!!

S E E Quine said...

` I have. I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later what's going on.

Galtron said...

Like the pathetic loser I am, I've been following this development diligently.
Good idea of making the 'Updates' less conspicuous. Still, he hasn't put up those pictures of his forum. Do you think he's onto you?

Galtron said...

So bascially, he thought you whole bigfoot adventure was real and he wanted you on his forum AND he didn't realize what you were talking about when you said 'tracks'?

As Yakko Warner once said, "Whoa! Dumber than advertised!"

S E E Quine said...

` Yup... he's the definition of 'thick' as Lou puts it. I've been cackling about this all day.

` He still hasn't responded to what I've said about the whole thing, but I'll tell you when he does.

Gareth said...

"Any room in that bed for someone bigger than a leprechaun? Like, maybe Ozzie Osbourne, but smaller?" ...... ummm yeah I'm NOT sleeping with Jack!!! Hahahaha :P

S E E Quine said...

` Well, then, how 'bout me?

` P.S. who's Jack?

Gareth said...

Jack Osbourne. Wake up SeeQuine lol.

You'll do providing you don't snore? :P

S E E Quine said...

` Ah, see I don't know the names of Ozzie's family. Shoulda thought to check it out.

` Indeed, I don't snore much, but I do wear a mouth guard that prevents my teeth from being further ground into chunks and it keeps my tongue from moving my loose front teeth.
` It really sucks. In fact, just now Lou said I'd made some choking and coughing noises in the middle of the night, which was really odd, and had told me "you know, the mouth guard is a non-food item."
` God! I really hate wearing it, but I tried not doing so for two days in a row and my teeth really started having problems.
` Cursed be me!!

Galtron said...

Ground into chunks? Don't teeth normally get ground into dust?

Pah! BELIEVE everything skeptical... that's an oxymoron if I ever saw one!

S E E Quine said...

` Strangely, Galtron, my teeth crack before they are ground into dust, so they wind up getting busted up into chunks before I swallow them.
` ...It's the reason why there are humongous silver stains on my mouthguard.
` My mouthguard, by the way, is the more 'extended' model on the left of this picture though I wished it were the type on the right, which doesn't bulge out as much.
` That's the main reason I hate wearing it! The thing just stretches out the skin around my mouth, which has already created a wrinkle on the side it sticks out on the most.
` If I wear it upside-down to help keep my upper front teeth from being pushed by my tongue, it noticeably causes my upper lip to actually become stiff and somehow get stuck up and away from my teeth, raised so high you can see my top gums! It's almost impossible to close my lips in this state and makes me look like a mouth-breather!
` Luckily, I've found a way to wear it at night so it doesn't 'puff up' the area around my lips. And soon, I think I'm going to cut off the 'bulky' parts and glue them to the 'chewy parts', which (after years of use) are starting to splinter apart.
` Such is the disturbing world of dealing with mouth guards.

` BTW, the blog that photo is from basically says; 'Have bruxism? Well, mouth guards won't cure it! Dental professionals won't tell you the real cure because they would lose business. We do know the answer, but the thing is, we can't tell you until you send us money!'
` Wow, if that isn't the scammiest scam I ever saw!!

Galtron said...

Don't tell me that blog is one of those 'natural health' things....

By the way... I did not need to know in detail how disgusting your mouthguard is!!

S E E Quine said...

` Yes, TMI is a talent of mine....