As I've established in my last post, without losers constantly messing with my head every day, I can blog just fine, thank you very much! I can't believe I kept coming back to this blog over the years that I couldn't, saying;
` "I'm sorry, but I guess I just suck at blogging for some reason, also, my roommates are driving me crazy and not letting me rest, but I have to take responsibility anyway, so it's really just my fault that I don't know how to deal with it, blah, blah, blah!"
` Well, it wasn't me, it really was them -- that kind of constant antagonization really is unacceptable and no one should have to deal with it!
` As I'd known at the time, the constant stress and noise and lack of sleep really does shut down one's intellect; I just thought that I'd had more control over my situation than I did, and I constantly disappointed myself in everything because of it!
No more!
I knew I could do it! I've been working on all my blogs, and the Corrigendopedia website, too, both on posts already done and posts soon-to-be!
I've decided that my theme here will be along the lines of 'something old, something new, something borrowed and something new-to-you' (because 'previously unpublished' doesn't rhyme).
` The only thing I'm still trying to figure out is; how shall I go about it? Should I go in the order of the rhyme, have certain days for certain types of posts, or what?
In any case, I thought I'd continue by looking at the very first posts on here. Since I've already looked at my very-first one, let's move on:
` On my very-second post -- Cramped in here, isn't it? -- it is about my need to accept reality and pull myself together, which was to be further helped by developing an antidenial drug using homeless people as my hapless subjects!
` Although I never had been successful making this drug, I've had at least one near-success in the five intervening years. In the meantime, I've been working on mapping reality, on a personal, everyday level, that is, and it's been going well enough as it is!
` Also, in the comments section, Cassie said got the card I sent her, a monstrous and bloody Dr. Nociceptor Christmas card, enclosed in two opposing envelopes (with a flap sealing each side), upon which I drew stitches and called a 'Frankenvelope'. (I wished I'd found a way to get a picture of it before sending it....)
` Memories!!
The next post, 'This blog is being monitored' -- by a hit counter! And my hiding-space was being monitored -- by raccoons!
` Ah, I remember that wonderful-but-gloomy time! Although I was using 'borrowed' electricity, I was beginning to find some privacy for once, and really starting to enjoy it!
` I went on to find some more, without 'borrowing' much (or being stalked by Procyonids), but then lost it to varying degrees for years and almost went completely insane and suicidal because of it.
` I guess privacy is what I really need, because I feel great when I have that here in the lab! It's not complete -- in fact, someone else's crazy electro-chemical experiment is taking up 1/4 the room, and there is a noise factor sometimes -- but I've done well by moving all my equipment to one side of the room, wearing earplugs, and remembering that right now, I'm all by myself.
` Evil genius cannot be fostered without total seclusion, and I almost have that. As long as no one finds out....
The post after that, 'I have traveled far and wide to be here' is about how I overcame the horrible abuses in my past, including the constant vicious insults of 'Daddy Dearest' and his determination to prevent me from getting an education or learning about science.
` Since then, I've traveled so much farther and wider, at least mentally, that the experiences I'd had then are only a small fraction of what I've experienced now. However, I kept finding myself living in unsafe situations, and once the walls started to close in, I began to take the abuse in stride once more, unable to think about my living situation, nor about having a lab!
` It's so wonderful to have a semblance of normalcy! I'm staring to feel my old self again -- in the good way of striking out on my own, not the bad way in which I'd felt emotionally!
Right now, however, my donstairsiker is watching a movie with his homies, and my earplugs are starting to really hurt, so I think I'll go now. I think my roomies have left me some more dishes to do out in the kitchen.
` FLASH OF INTROSPECTION: Hey, wait a minute! Maybe I should rethink this 'normalcy' eh? Yes, I want a clean kitchen, and yes, I want to be able to take my earplugs out, but now I'm starting to wonder; is there some other way?
` Well, better think about it while washing the dishes -- that really helps me think!
Don't despair, unwitting subjects, but I do have a 'new-to-you' post waiting in the wings... I'm just saving that for the new year!
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2 comments:
Glad to see you are keeping up with your blog but remember, it is your blog and you don't need to feel pressure to write unless you want to :)
Eh, don't worry about it. I actually took the day off today because I've been really feeling sick, although now I'm okay! Tomorrow, I'll be back on it!
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