Saturday, December 02, 2006

It's a total X-mess around the lab! (...And not just because I made a monkey out of Lou!)

` This day is monumental, for you see, I have finally found a way to use my Unpredictability Drive for randomly traipsing into alternate realities from the comfort of my own kitchen cabinet! As a result, several bizarre and random things have occurred as a result.
` The first thing that happened was relatively mild: The drive wound up generating enough local temporal-spatial instability to cause the dining room to fill with Martha Stewart merchandise. A very frightening thing, indeed!

` After I had managed to banish the merchandise back through the portal, I discovered that the Evil Spirit of Commercialized $mas had rubbed off on me, turning myself a mysterious livid shade of green. "Well," I said to myself, "At least I can tell people they wouldn't like me when I'm angry..."


` After applying the Unpredictability Cleansing Wand to myself (it comes with the drive in case of spillage), I had somehow inadvertantly set other developments into motion: A little later, I noticed my internal organs had began to feel a bit odd, and I had the sense that my body was beginning to change shape. Finally, I reached into my pants to find that my existing biological structures were sprouting... new growth. Um.
` As you can see, I am - quite visibly - different, for sure!

` After I had stabilized after the transformation, I mostly stood in the kitchen, looking around insecurely. Luckily, my perverted side got the best of me and I ran off into the bedroom, leaving my clothes on the floor.
` When Lou got home, I pulled my pants back on and told him what had happened. He said to me; "Not to fear, my new gay lover," and proceeded to change the settings on the Cleansing Wand. (I swear, that man has such a weird sense of humor!)

` Unfortunately - and I have no idea why - Lou wound up inadvertantly taking a trip back to his roots. Literally. I had to get out the straight jacket to keep the primitive and panicked homonid from destroying things.
` In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen I present to you a new species; the Australoupithecus.

` Darn! And I had been hoping for a blow job!! Let me tell you, this December has been such a mess - and it's only just begun! Forget about holiday shopping, folks! I have enough stress to keep me going until January.
` I'll probably be very busy for a while, trying to get Lou back to normal.
I'll keep you posted about my insane adventures, so until next time, behold my manliness!

` This is Dr. 'Casmir' Nociceptor, signing off. And may the Schwartz be with you!

16 comments:

episkopos bongwater said...

Aww, that's too bad. Blowjobs are awesome.

If science cant get you a blowjob, then WHAT THE HECK IS SCIENCE GOOD FOR ANYWAY HUH

S E E Quine said...

` Au contraire! I would say that this is the perfect time to dust off the ol' Sexbot 3000....

Anonymous said...

Heh...your a man...

Monkeykittydude said...

that was deffinetly not me...heh man...heh. you heh..heheh

S E E Quine said...

` After much fervent turning-back of Unpredictability effects, it looks like Lou is finally recovering from his primal state!
` ...And when he does, I shall ask him to relieve me of my near-constant hard-on.

Totally Mysterious Person said...

Gee, you make one sexy mofo of a man!

mizzbeehive1963 said...

Yay for new growth and adorably cute boyishness!

Gareth said...

LMFAOOOO this is hysterical!!
You are one mad woman / man / ape / photographer ..... I'll settle for scientist :D
Did you take the first pic whilst out searching for a christmas tree? :)
It's my b'day tomorrow. Woot!!

Gareth said...

OMG I just listened to your audio song and I believe my inner ear just burst but at least you admit that you can't sing so hopefully you know to stay well clear of American Idol ;)

S E E Quine said...

` Thanks guys, I try. (Hey, X-Dan, can I take your virginity now?)

` Happy Birthday, Gareth, and yes, I try to stay away from TV shows that are far more evil than myself. I don't think I can take on that kind of power.

Galtron said...

Huh hhuh huhhh... so, like.... did you like........ ehhhh..... lose your man virginity? Huh huhhhh huhhh h huhhhh huhhh hh h hhhuh h hh h hhhhhuhhhh hhhhuhhh.......

S E E Quine said...

` Quiet, you!




` ...and... yes.

Winters said...

It took me so long to comment, Miss Quine, because I have been digesting the extent of your considerable genius.

I would like to donate myself to your capable scientific hands. Just pour me into a pipette and drip me into a petri dish. And then light me with your Bunsen burner.

S E E Quine said...

` Oh my! Are you sure? My experiments are both meticulous and intensive....
` Not only that, but I would probably use the results with my collection of stolen human eggs to make embryos and *gasp!* start a stem cell research program!
` ...Of course, I'd keep you around just in case my supply was confiscated. ;)

Aaron said...

Why don't you ever smile in your photos Spoony?

S E E Quine said...

` Because the point of taking pictures of myself is not to smile. It's to document insanity.