Wednesday, February 15, 2006

WARNING: Sexual Radiation!

` I would write some science here, but MAL is not yet well-calibrated. So, why not a post about such things as my irrisitable Sexual Radiation, or 'Sex Rays'?


` First of all, I should make it clear to you that a whole Cargo Hold of Lust is in the air. In fact, I recently saw this personal ad in a weekly paper next to a horny, gay cupid named Bobby calling attention to 'Wildhearts':

FULL DENTURE WEARER
And without them in, my saliva-enhanced
tongue can satisfy any female/male or
Bi couples who enjoy oral action.

` I could imagine! I'm just not sure I want to.... Anyway, I suddenly seem to be attracting an unusual amount of men. And women. For example, I was walking up to a Delicious Man's house Sunday night when this black Jeep came around the corner. This girl - drunk, I would imagine - was shouting at me from the backseat: "You! Your ass! I like it!"
` Taken off-guard, I barely had time to call back to her; "Thank you!"
` Monday night, I met up with a guy who resides at - and fixes helicopters on - the nuclear-powered masterpiece just offshore. We'll call him 'Navy Guy'. I showed Navy Guy some of my more interesting inventions, tested out a new piece of infrared equipment, and he taught me how to fold clothes like they do in the military - now they fit much better in their allotted storage space.
` Yes, even mad scientists fold clothes. Now, don't think anything 'happened' between us - the only substance we swapped was that of anecdotes. Navy Guy merely stayed over until about midnight, after which I showered and finished off my left-over pasta.
` On Tuesday night, I spent some time with the Delicious Man - who I had only met a week before. Blowing the Lucas* out of my nose (minor spill), I hopped a bus back downtown for swing dance lessons where I talked to someone I'll call Really Awesome Guy.
` Nothing's really going on between us, either, but I think he digs me. And he's really awesome. I may put an act together and go to Open Mike night at a cafe near where he lives.

` So, I now know three more people - all guys - and I can thank my copious amounts of Sex Rays for them.

` When I sit back and ponder all this, I think of how bizarre it is to me that I am not the recluse I once was. In fact, yesterday I helped an old lady who could barely walk to get someplace. I would say that life is really different nowadays. Different and good.

` *That would be his name.

7 comments:

Galtron said...

I'll be sure to wear my tinfoil hat, lest your intense Sex Rays affect my brain.

Those work for Sex Rays, right?

S E E Quine said...

` Beginning to scare you, am I... Vivisection Boy?

Galtronq said...

Oh, only a little more than usual...

Aaron said...

Ya gotta love personal ads. That's definitely one of the more honest ones I've seen.

S E E Quine said...

` Isn't it, though?

asdfqwega said...

If you could, please...might you try trapping a few of those Sex Rays with a leyden jar, and send them FedEx? I certainly could use a few...although I might try passing them through a signal booster first.

S E E Quine said...

` Expect them on Thursday. ;)