` Never, never, never tell me I'm not being objective! I will take that as a challenge, even if it costs me fifty dollars!
` That's the amount I paid today for half an hour of Qr. Olsen's time.
` So, what changes have I noticed over the week? Nothing that I didn't already expect. For example, the cold that Lou gave me around last Wednesday suddenly got worse as soon as I had taken the remedy; my nose got much runnier and I couldn't sleep at night. And I am not surprised at this in the least: I had been taking cold medicine - especially at night - in order to get to sleep. ...That's how runny my nose was! But because I had taken a homeopathic remedy, I was instructed to stop taking it and allow my runny nose to keep me up at night instead.
` Therefore, my nose got runnier because I had to stop taking the stuff that was making it less runny. And even though I explained this to Lou, he still thinks the remedy has had an effect on my sinus congestion!
` Also, my cold symptoms usually last a week and five days (whereas Lou got over his in about four days) and I expect to be over it very soon - my nose is still a bit mucousy. Therefore, the remedy not only had no discernable effect on the level of stuffiness, it also has had no discernible effect on the length of my cold.
` Besides, the remedy (vodka with a probable negative amount of lecithin) wasn't supposed to affect my cold - it was supposed to affect my emotions, and I am utterly baffled by Lou's insistence that such a thing has happened. As far as I have been able to tell, nothing out of the ordinary is happening:
` I have kept meaning to write about my problems from being on the Square Patch (starting in late May), but I haven't had the time. After about a month of constant hormone treatment, I noticed that I was starting to turn into an emotionless, not-very-well-motivated zombie. And it only got worse as the months passed by.
` Recall that I had been getting into a really great mood before my body was swamped with hormones. It even surprised me so much while I was writing my blog entries that I even mentioned it a few times. After about two months of treatment, I became so emotionless and passionless in all respects that the contrast made me realize what I was missing.
` Recognizing what wasn't there allowed me to undergo a lot of emotional growth because I realized that I'd gained those emotions, which I didn't even have years ago. Also, practicing focusing without emotions to distract me as much has caused me to get better at focusing.
` For the most part, though, it had some pretty negative effects, such as difficulty with being in a good mood, laughing, etc. I couldn't even feel very content - though I did my best! - nor even happy or angry. After nearly three weeks of being patchless, three weeks of the extra hormones draining from my body, I pretty much feel like myself again.
` Lou, however, seems to think that some of this cannot be explained by any of this mental and emotional growth, probably because the last time I was in such a good mood, I had yet to move in with him, and I was still somewhat shy around him. When I finally did, I was in a bit of shock at first, then I bucked up, adapted to the new routine and began being more assertive. I continued improving in bounds and leaps, especially during challening times (such as that camping trip which took place a week before I'd seen Olsen)!
` With my emotions back in place, added to 'the new me', of course I would seem even more different than I had before I'd been on the Square Patch. How can you expect me to regress back to myself months ago if I'd improved in so many ways? If anything, strong, clear emotions would be expected to enhance my emotional growth and healing!
` Nothing has happened that has not met my expectations, with or without some witch-doctor remedy!
` It just so happens that I only began feeling my normal emotions again a couple of days before I'd seen Olsen (less than a couple of weeks after I'd pulled the patch off). However, that was the day I'd made my appointment with him and I went from feeling better than I had since I had been on the patch to feeling pretty ashamed of myself. For those two days, I had constant gnawing dread, anxiety and embarrassment until after I'd seen him. (And I hadn't had such dread and anxiety for quite a while!)
` So, yes, I had felt like myself until Lou came home and told me to schedule an appointment, and I continued to feel intense emotions, only in a bad way. After the appointment was over, I felt relieved and so I went back to my bubbly self again.
` I'm always changing and growing and getting better - and have been for many months - it's just that I was in a dull phase for a couple of months along the way - I had never stopped improving at any point! Adding my emotions to that not only compounds the differences, but also makes them more noticeable.
` However, Lou takes my extra enthusiasm, motivation and 'toughening up' as evidence that the remedy worked, because he hasn't been in my head while I've been keeping track, talking myself through things, and he also seems to have forgotten the many improvements he's noticed despite that. Also, I would guess that showing improvements while being in a neutral mood isn't as memorable to others as showing improvements while in an emotionally colorful mood.
` For all my efforts over the past months, developing and growing in a different situation than I'd ever had, I am almost insulted that he seems to have discounted them!
` I explained all of this to Qr. Olsen, and he agreed with me that the lecithin has had no discernable effect. He was also quite puzzled about that fact, so he gave me some milk-sugar remedy, probably with no willow bark, which is supposed to reverse the blocking-out of sensation (i.e. numbness), which has been plaguing me for the past four years.
` So, what have I learned during this experiment so far? Lou insists that the last remedy has worked and that soon I shall be forced to acknowledge this as well. But I haven't learned that homeopathy can work, only that Lou will attribute any changes he can (and ones which I've been expecting since before I got off the patch) to the effects of a homeopathic remedy.